Family Ties

Note: I chose not to make this private so I'll say this. My thoughts are not linear and that is reflected here. This is not fiction this was written to help me reflect on life and remember the things that we so often forget as we let life grab us by the hair and pull this along. These are the ramblings of a purging mind. You've been warned.

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When you think about the people who make up your life your thoughts automatically turn to those closest to you in heart and by physical proximity. Well, this day I spent surrunded by three of the most fascinating women. But then everyone is fascinating when you think about it.

There's a family feud happening and I haven't the faintest idea what it's about other than control because isn't that what all feuds are about. One side wanting to control the other side. In this case it's big mama against auntie, who right now is coming off like a saint. Which inand of itself makes me suspicious. But then there's that mischievous imp guilt sneaking up on me. How can you be suspicious of a saint?

Imps were made to be squashed flat. I have to say I love being able to just write whatever comes to mind and not have to censor myself. Too much. So, you have big mama and saintly auntie. God it would be great if there were more honestly sweet people out there inthe world. And what the hell to do about the fact that mother dearest has issues with auntie because I am not the one to ignore a member of my family just b/c another member wants me to. Screw it, I'll figure it out later. Ihad a great time today and I ate so much that at 2:52 in the morning I'm still full.

I miss NY, but I don't want to go back. Aint that just like a woman? I've gota place to stay here and no job and a job waiting for me there and no place to live. NY is a truly irritating place and I know if I go back I'll miss the beach. So, stay here where I can walk a block and see the water. Easy decision.

It's time for bed now. It was time for bed two hours ago. Procrastination always makes you late EB you know that, she said to herself. I forgot to do my nails tonight. The smart thing to do would be to go to bed now. Get up early in the morning and do my nails. That would be the smart thing to do. Hmmm

Hey anyone out there want to pay me to stay at home all day and write out my ramblings? Or better yet, pay me to go to school. That's what I really want to do. I really want to go back to school. I really want to get my degree and open up my training center for parents of people with disabilities. I'm tired of seeing parents who don't know about all the resources out there for them. Parents who don't understand how to help the lives they've brought into this world. Parents who are at the end of their rope because they need help and don't know how to get it.

Ugh! Another way too deep thought for 3am. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'll reread this and either be deeply embarrassed I allowed this to be public or thrilled with whatever positive feedback I've gotten from this brain purge. It's hard enough structuring thoughts during the day time why would I force myself to do it now when I don't have to?

And tomorrow we'll talk about sex.