If Only

Anger boils up inside
For days
Weeks
And months on end.
Only I know why.

If only everything could be fixed.
If only I could agree.
If only it were different.
If only you could read my mind
And hear my thoughts
And feel what I felt.
If only
If only

“Crash!” is the sound of the world around me.
If only you would hold onto me.
If only you would not let me fall into the darkness.
If only I weren’t the one who let go.

I can claim
I only cry when it hurts
But it did hurt
And I did cry.

If only I could tell you.
If only it were different.
If only you understood.
If only I could understand.

Drip drop is the sound of the rain on my window.
If only it weren’t the sound of tears dripping down my cheeks.
If only the sun would come out
And dry me eyes for eternity.
If only you were here to put a smile on my face.
And put the sparkle back in my eyes.

If only I were there.
If only you were with me.
If only you could explain
Why you did it.

I want to yell
I want to scream
And shout to the whole world
That everything will be alright.
Only if you listen to me and
Only if I listen to you.

I am mad.
I am sad.
I do question.
I do ponder.
I do lie.

Why are you doing this to me?

If only you could hear me.
If only the world could go away for awhile.
If only you could talk to me.
If only you could really listen.

If only I would stop my worrying.
If only I could stop my worrying.

If only I would stop my crying.
If only I could stop my crying.

If only I would understand.
If only I could understand.

If only you didn’t mean the world to me.
But you do.

And once you told me not to worry.
And once you told me not to cry.
And once you told me to understand.

And now I will not worry.
And now I will not cry.
And now I will understand.

Because now I will be strong.
Because once I did hear those words
Coming from you.
Because now I do not hear those words
Coming from you.

I will still be angry
I will not let it block my path though
The path that I am walking on of
Peace
Love
And success
The path that will lead me to you.
If only I did not have to walk it.
If only you did not make me cry.
If only you did not make me worry.
If only you did not make me understand.

But I now know if you did not
There would be nothing to life
And nothing worth living for.