of a poetic breed (humorous)

(enters carrying a book and a notepad. straightens things out and sits down.)

can i compare you to a... winters day?
no no... it sifts from the leaden... rings!
no... ahh! why can't i get something down?
uhh... i can't talk karina without a poem.
she's come to expect it!
let's see... what rhymes with karina?
hmm... mina... cantina... lina
i think that i've seen a... no...
those don't fit.
maybe shel can shed some light on the key to inspiration.

(thumbs through one of his books.)

hmm... if i were trying to write
about flying elephants and upsidedown schools i'd be doing fine right now...
well, i guess it's worth a shot. hmm...
karina, karina, what a funny name.
i wouldn't be in love with you
if you and karina weren't one in the same.

(stiffles a giggle.)

no. no. she won't go for that.
maybe i should keep that for my sister though...
ahh, maybe the radio will help.

(stands up and turns the knob on the radio.)

ahh...

(humms along with radio)
boy, that's good...
i wish i was that good at music..
atleast i'm better at poetry than him...

(glances down at blank notepad. glances back at radio)

yes, yes. i am better at poetry than you..
i am.. i am!

(get's up and turns radio dial to "off" furiously.)

uhh... i'm nothing but a talentless pig...
wait, of course!
a metaphoric love ballad! oh come on...
what is there? oh, i hate this!
what would robert do... hmm... he would... he would...
he wouldn't sit and pout!

(he stands up)

he'd, why he'd
sit and look for inspiration to come to him.

(sits back down. several seconds pass w/o incident. whistles a little ditty. suddenly bursts out.)

inspire me! inspire me note book!
inspire me watch. inspire me you blasted pencil!

(breaks pencil)

oh no...


(holds pencil peices in hands and looks at them appoligetically. sticks an end behind either ear. sits back down forcefully.)

stupid left side oriented brain!
maybe if i try to write with my left hand,
that will engage my ever creative right side...
people say da vinci wrote with his right hand,
and painted with his left hand.
maybe i can be that creative
if i write with my right hand and write with my left hand...
write poetry with my left hand.
ok let's see... first let's make a list of ideas.
is that right or left brained?

(switches pencil back and forth between the two hands.tries to write with his left hand. switches to right hand.)

making a list is definately a left brained activity.
let's see... what can i compare her to...
umm... a good song... umm.. a flower, ah, ah, a fragrant rose...

(with triumph in his voice)

finely aged cheese!

(pause. scribble out last one.)

no, not finely aged cheese....

(accidently grabs eraser end of the broken pencil and attempts to write with it. realizing his error, he exchanges it for the proper one.)

now let's see... umm, ok...
if i were a...

(glances around the room)

a book, and i was open to be read...
if you were to read me...
your face would be red!
no... read with red?
does that work?
eiah... i think it does... it does for now.
i can come back if i need to.
okay. if..book...open...read...
because, it'd be full of fun facts and trivia about you and me!
and all the things i've thought
about you, you'd be able to see.
ooh.. that's good. that's very good.
you've stolen my heart, and, and,
and that's alright,
and the hole where my heart was,
is without you,
as black as night.

(looks at pencil in hand.)

you know, you also see a lot of writers
lick their pencil before they start writing.
maybe i should try it with editing...

(looks at pencil. hesitantly puts tip to his tongue. quickly spits at the taste. looks and realizes he has spit on the notepad and quickly begins wiping at it.)

ah man!

(pause.)

you know, i don't think this one needs much editing.
boy- this thing is great.
watch out ladies.
oh please take a number.
man... i wish karina could here this... ahh, karina...
wait, why can't she?! let's see..

(picks up a phone)

8 6 7 5 3 0 9. c'mon... pick up pick up pick up.
ah hello. how are we today? i wrote you a poem...
i was wondering if you would like to lis...

(embarressed.)

oh umm, yes, i would like to speak to your daughter ms coy, thank you.

(taps his foot impatiently.)

karina! yes hello. umm...

(attempts to act more suave than he can.)

hey, uh, i wrote you a poem. would you lik...
no. i didn't try free verse again.
yeah, yeah... so do you want to hear it? ok here it goes.

if i were a book
and i was open to be read
if you were to read me
your face would be red

because it'd be full of
fun facts and trivia about you and me
and all the thing i've thought of you
you'd see

(strains his eyes to read what the spit smeared)

umm..
you havn't a heart
and that's alright
i can see the hole where your heart should be
a heart as black as night

(gets a satisfied look on his face, followed by one of shock at his mistake.)

wait! no that's not it...
no! of course you have a heart...
no it isn't black...
well, you don't smoke do you?

(startles back from phone.)

ok! you don't smoke.
no! of course i didn't mean it.
i just was writing it and i... um...
spilled some water on the paper,
and it smeared,
and then i just read it as best i could...
look, i already told you, i know you have a nice organ-ish colored heart.
you're not the only one who took anatomy, you know.
you know what, fine!
you won't be getting anymore haikus from me, sister!

(get's a hurt expression)

you said you liked them...

(whimpers... angrily hangs up. sits and pouts for a few moments. snatches phone back up and dials furiously.)

hi, megan. you like poems right?

(pauses a moment and throws phone to the floor.)




thanks for reading. if you have monologues of your own, please write me. i quite enjoy reading them. thanks again for reading!