The Savior

          I wrote this for the hell of it. It's nothing serious, I was just messing around. I hope i don't get sued.

                   The Savior

                   Part1

Narrator:          Criminals plague the city streets. They vandalize, steal, break, and burn down houses under the order of their bosses. They smear the blood of the citizens on the city’s soul, making a new kind of hell to live in. People cry out for help, they scream and scream.


         The city burns for hours and the citizens run for their lives. The city cries out in pain, it cries out for one man, Batman. The Bat sign brightens the blood soaked sky as a sign of hope. The citizens now feel safe and await their savor and protector.
         Bruce Wayne is sitting in his chair at his mansion, reading a magazine. All of a sudden the Bat sign glares into the room, on to Bruce, signaling his need for help. Bruce quickly picks up the magazine and blocks the light from his eyes. But it’s too bright, so he turns his chair around, away from the window, and continues to read his magazine. Five hours later Alfred comes into the room.

Alfred:          “Sir, wake up, Gotham needs you.”

Bruce:          “Five more minutes.”

Alfred:          “Sir, you must get up. Gotham          needs you.”
Bruce:          “Blow it out of your butt Alfred, I’m tired!”

Narrator:          Alfred goes over to Bruce and slaps him across the face.

Alfred:          “Punk, get up!”

Bruce:          “Fine, I’m getting up, but I’m not the only one who’s going to lose sleep          tonight.”

Narrator:          Bruce breaks down Dick Grayson bedroom door and starts to unload his shotgun into the ceiling. Dick jumps out of bed shocked and confused.

Dick:          “What the hell is wrong with you Bruce?”

Bruce:          “Dick, Gotham is in trouble and we have to save it.”

Dick:          “You didn’t have to destroy my door and ceiling.”

Bruce:          “Remember whose house you live. I could do what I want where I want!”

Narrator:          Bruce points the shotgun at Dick.

Bruce:          “Now, are you coming or not?”

Narrator:          Bruce and Dick runs toward a library. Bruce pulls on a certain book and the whole library starts to move outwards. Behind the wall of books lies two poles, Bruce and Dick grab on to it and slide down. Little do they realize that Alfred removed the last twenty feet of pole to clean it after the wet and wild party they had a few days ago (that’s another story). When they reach the missing segment they start screaming at the top of their lungs as they try to stop, but it was a little too late and they fall. Another five hours later Alfred wakes them up and they jump into action.

         They run towards the Bat locker room and changes clothing. They both come out in their suits.

Alfred:          “Batman your not wearing any pants or underwear.”

Batman:          “It’ll just slow me down.”

Robin:          “Batman, Catwomen maybe there, and if she sees that rash, you know.”

Batman:          “Your right Robin, I don’t want to screw up my chances. Get me my pants.”

Alfred:          “What would you be taken this          time sir?”

Batman:          “I was thinking about some heroin, to get the blood pumping.”

Alfred:          “No sir, I mean are you going to take the Batmobile or Batplane.”

Batman:          “Yeah, the Batmobile, I’ll take the Batmobile.”

Alfred:          “Very good sir.”

Narrator:          Batman and Robin hop into the Batmobile and floors it. The Batmobile zooms away, down the tunnel and out the cave. They reach Gotham in minutes and leave the car in a small alleyway.

Batman:          “So where’s the trouble.”

Robin:          “Look Batman, on the floor.”

Narrator:          On the floor is a drop of blood. Batman wipes it off with his finger tip and takes a look.”

Batman:          “It looks like blood.”

Narrator:          Batman takes a taste of it.

Robin:          “Ewww. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Batman:          “And it tastes like ketchup. Interesting, now all we have to do is find the person whose blood tastes like ketchup and then we’ll have what we’relooking for.”

Robin:          “Or we could go towards that blazing inferno.”

Batman:          “Right, lets go!”

Narrator:          Batman and Robin are off to action, but suddenly Batman stops.

Robin:          “What’s wrong?”

Narrator:          Batman slowly walks over to a wall and grabs into the darkness and pulls our Batgirl.

Batgirl:          “How did you know I was standing there besides that wall?”

Batman:          “What wall?”

Robin:          “What are you doing here?”

Batgirl:          “I though I could help.”

Batman:          “Now who the hell would put a wall here?”

Robin:          “We could, lets go. Ah, Batman we’re leaving.”

Narrator:          They all head towards to where all the conflict is.

Batman:          “So where is everybody? I didn’t come here to stand in an empty street to do nothing. What happened did all you villains, did they hear I was coming and decided to run away? Well, come on somebody say something or what are you all too scared! Oh little bad guys too scared to face me. Look at me I’m a bad guy and I’m running away, look I’m starting to cry, waa, waa, waa…”

Robin:          “Batman would you turn around.”

Batman:          “Oh.”

Narrator:          Standing behind them are the most vicious criminals ever. Mr. Freeze, Bane and Santa Clause.

Robin:          “What now Batman? Batman?”

Narrator:          Robin turns around to see Batman far off in the distant running as fast as he can. The villains surround Robin and Batgirl.

Robin:          “Crap!”

Narrator:          Batman finally stops to catch          his breathe when he hears something.

Santa Clause:          “Ho, ho, ho.”

Narrator:          Out from the corner pop out Santa Clause. Batman quickly kicks          Santa in the goods and keeps on
running. A couple of block down he sees Robin and Batgirl running towards him.

Robin:          “Where the hell did you go?”

Batman:          “Ah, I went to get the Batmobile.”

Robin:          “You better get it quickly because Mr. Freeze and Bane is on our tail.”

Narrator:          Batman pulls his car remote control from his belt and calls the Batmobile. The Batmobile, a few miles away, turns on and hits the highest speed possible. It breaks through cars, trucks, buildings and school children.

         The Batmobile is a block away, all it has to do is make a turn and it’s there. The Batmobile hits the turn and it turns over and over and tumbles right passed Batman, Robin and Batgirl and blows up down the block.

Batman:          “Well I didn’t expect that. Don’t worry I’ll call the Batplane.”

Narrator:          Batman takes out another remote control for the Batplane and calls it. The Batplane turns on and is released from its docking bay. The Batplane flies with incredible speed through the Batcave, dodging walls and spikes. The Batplane exists the Batcave and hits mach two. It dodges buildings with amazing agility and screams through the air like a wild Banshee with a mission. Batman, Robin and Batgirl can see the Batplane coming closer, closer, and closer, and then passes right over them. It keeps going, going, and going, becoming a small dot in the sky until it vanishes. Batman, Robin and Batgirl all sigh.

Bane:          “Why don’t you play with us?”

Batman:          “Run!”

Narrator:          Batman, Robin and Batgirl run in different directions. Mr. Freeze chases after Batgirl, Bane goes after Robin and Santa is on Batman’s tail.

                   Part2

Narrator:          The firestorm burning Gotham, brightens the sky. The air is filled with sounds that are only heard in riots and wars. Only three people can quench the city’s pain, but even they run for safety.

         Batman accidentally runs into a dead end alley. He starts to turn around until he hears a familiar sound.

Santa:          “Ho, ho, ho.”

Narrator:          Santa is standing there
blocking Batman’s exit. Santa looks at Batman with his blood shot eyes. He has a slight smile on his face, the one that says, “Guess where the missile toe is?” His clothing is covered with the blood of the innocent and he looks like he wants more.

         Santa drops his notorious red bag on the floor, the bag that he uses to give toys to little children.

Batman:          “You could run for a fat man.”

Narrator:          Santa belches his death call.

Santa:          “Ho, ho, ho. Why did you hit Santa in the sack, Santa wants to be your friend.”

Batman:          “Really.”

Narrator:          Batman walks over to Santa like an excited six year old. When he is close enough he kicks Santa in the jugs again. Santa falls to the ground in pain.

Batman:          “You think I’m going to fall for that old trick again, huh? Next you going to say, ‘Why don’t you sit on Santa’s lap’, and then touch my pee pee, like that other Santa.”

Santa:          “No, Santa wants to help.”

Narrator:          Batman pick up his foot and slams it down onto Santa’s knee.

Batman:          “How does that fell?”

Santa:          “Please don’t hit Santa or Santa will become angry.”

Batman:          “What are you going to do fat man?”

Narrator:          Batman is about to kick Santa in the face when Santa grabs Batman’s foot.

Santa:          “Now Santa is angry.”

Narrator:          Santa throws Batman to the floor. Santa gets up and picks up Batman by the ears and rams his fist into Batman’s face a couple of times. He takes Batman’s head and rams it up against a wall. Batman falls to the ground and starts crawling out of the alleyway. But Santa grabs Batman by the foot and drags him back in.

Santa:          “Santa is not finished showing Batman his anger.”

Batman:          “No please, please…”

Narrator:          Batgirl is running up a flight of stairs as fast as possible. She reaches the roof and looks around for a way off. The next roof is too far away to jump or swing across to it. Batgirl could hear Mr. Freeze coming up the stairs. In a panic Batgirl hides behind an exhaust fan hoping Mr. Freeze won’t find her.

Narrator:          Robin runs down a street and looks behind him to see if Bane is following him when he rams into
something real hard, knocking him down to the ground. He looks up to see Bane in front of him smiling.

         Bane turns a dial on his wrists and starts to grow in size and
strength. Robin urinates on himself.

                   Part 3

Narrator:          All of our heroes are in dire trouble. If they don’t think of
something fast they will meet the fate of all the people who have died in Gotham.

Narrator:          Batman backs up against a wall. Blood is streaming from his face. He hurts all over and every time he moves wants to scream in pain. The only thing that is holding him up is Mr. Wall (read A Fairy Tale).

Batman:          “Okay, okay, I get your point, Santa doesn’t like being hit, but can we talk about this instead of beating me up?”

Narrator:          Santa spits out one of Batman’s ears from his mouth and wipes away the blood dripping from his teeth.

Santa:          “Why did you Attack Santa?”

Batman:          “You were burning the city down fat man.”

Santa:          “Don’t call Santa that, it hurts, like this.”

Narrator:          Santa starts coming closer to Batman with his arm raised in air ready to smash in Batman skull. Batman gets on his knees and starts crying.

Batman:          “No pleas not again, I’m sorry. I won’t say it again. Just don’t hit me no more.”

Narrator:          Santa backs down.

Santa:          “Santa was not burning the city.”

Batman:          “Would you stop talking in the third person you red piece of elf juice!”

Narrator:          Santa knees Batman in the face. Batman falls to the ground and Santa about is about to take another bit out of Batman when Batman starts to cry and scream again.

Batman:          “Please, not that again, I’m sorry I’ll be good.”

Narrator:          Santa backs down again.

Batman:          “If you weren’t burning the city then why were you with Mr. Freeze and Bane?”

Santa:          “Santa was confronting them when you showed up.”

Batman:          “Then why do you have blood shot          eyes, you must have been shooting up.”

Santa:          “Santa is just tired, Santa been fighting for ten hours.”

Batman:          “Okay I’ll give you that one but can you explain why you have all that blood on you shirt?”

Santa:          “What blood? Santa suit is red.”

Batman:          “So what your saying is that you’re here to help not destroy.”

Santa:          “Yes.”

Batman:          “Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Lets team up and together we can stop Freeze and Bane.”

Narrator:          Santa walks over to Batman. Santa helps Batman up to his feet. Santa gives a warm fatherly smile to Batman. Batman puts his hand on Santa shoulder like a son does to his father when he’s proud of him. Santa gives another warm smile back and hugs
Batman. Santa lets go of Batman and backs up a little.

Santa:          “Santa sorry for biting Batman in the crouch.”

Batman:          “No, I’m sorry for calling you those names.”

Narrator:          They hug again and a tear falls from Batman’s eye. Not because of the severe beating, only a drunken sailor can give his wife, that Santa gave him but because Batman truly appreciates Santa’s help. Batman backs up again to look at Santa’s face and for the first time in his life Batman smiles.

         Batman extends his left to shake Santa’s when Batman smashes his foot into Santa’s gonads as hard as possible and he actually hears one of them pop. Santa falls to the ground in enormous pain.

Batman:          “You think I’m that stupid. I thought you could tell when people are lying you red fat!”

Narrator:          Santa gets up, raises both arms in the air and lets out a scream so loud that all the windows around them brake. Santa grabs Batman by the head and starts squeezing it like an orange.

Narrator:          Mr. Freeze finally makes it to the roof out of breath. He looks around for Batgirl but can’t really make anything out because of all the mist in his helmet. When suddenly he mistakes a big pipe for her and jumps at it, falling off the side of the roof. Batgirl gets up from behind the exhaust fan.

Batgirl:          “Well that was kind of easy.”

Batman:          “You’re squishing my brain!”

Narrator:          Santa, with a psychotic look on his face, doesn’t hear a word of
Batman. Santa starts to laugh
historically and all Santa wants now is to see Batman’s head pop like a cheap balloon. Santa starts to squeeze even harder and enjoys every second of it until Mr. Freeze falls on top of Santa.

         Batman stumbles backwards a little but regains his balance. Batman looks up and sees Batgirl.

Batgirl:          “I’m coming down!”

Narrator:          Batgirl takes out a batagrang and starts to swing down. Batman looks at Santa and kicks him in the face. Batman gives a little laugh. Batgirl finally reaches Batman and looks at Santa on the floor.

Batgirl:          “I can’t believe Santa went bad.”

Batman:          “Yeah, I know. It’s probably of all that stress with kids, his elf and his wife having sex with me.”

Batgirl:          “Lets go find Robin.”

Batman:          “Right.”

Narrator:          Batman and Batgirl run out of the alleyway to look for Robin. They see him running towards them and they all meet in the middle of the street.

Batgirl:          “Robin where’s Bane?”

Robin:          “What you don’t think I could handle him by myself?”

Batman:          “Did you kick him in the nads like I taught you guys?”

Robin:          “Sure.”

Narrator:          Robin decides to leave out what really happened. Which was, when Robin made a mess on himself Bane started to laugh hysterically. So much so, that Bane passed out giving Robin a chance to run away.

Batman:          “Well I guess we could go home now?”

Bane:          “Not until I break all of your          spines.”

Narrator:          All of a sudden Batman is flung into a wall knocking him out. Robin and Batgirl turn around to see Bane and Mr. Freeze standing there when all of a sudden Mr. Freezes head explodes and then Bane chest erupts.
Standing behind the two dead corpses is Santa holding a high-powered shotgun.

Santa:          “Santa always carries his baby with him for the bad children.”

Narrator:          Santa kisses his gun and looks at Batgirl and Robin.

Satan:          “Santa thought you young kids could use Santa’s help because…”

Narrator:          Before Santa is able to finish his explanation Batman smashes in Santa’s head with a thirty-pound rock. Santa falls to the ground with blood and gray matter spewing out of the back of his head.

Batman:          “I’m the hero, I’m suppose to save the day you red fat pimple!”

Narrator:          Batman lifts the rock up again and smashes Santa’s head a second time. Robin and Batgirl watch in horror.
As Batman continues to smear Santa’s brains all over the pavement he screams only one word continuously.

Batman:          “Die!”

Narrator:          The streets are safe again and the fire dies down, our heroes saved the day. But villains are still out there, so until next time Gotham may feel safe for one more day.