A twisted version of "Cinderella," written for a contest. |
Head of Business Empire Dies! (Fairyland Inquisitor, Sandday, 3 Ottobur, 825) Rube Ella, head of the Djinn Emporium Corporation, Ltd. ("You Wish It, We Got It!") died yesterday night in a freak accident in his warehouse involving a copy of "The Encyclopedia Galactica," several cases of peanut butter, and a rather unfortunate ostrich. The coroner declared his death to be due to natural causes. He is survived by one daughter, Lucinda, a wife, two step daughters, and a great-great grandmother. Walter Muddy, head of the P.I.T. (Palace Investigation Trustees), was upset by the death. "We were almost onto the jerk!" He said. "One more day, and we'd have cracked that smuggling ring wide open! I mean, what are the chances of him dying right before we got him to talk?" Truly, he shall be missed. Employees of the Djinn Emporium were given the day off to mourn the death of their beloved employer. In an unrelated incident, half of the West Side was decimated by a fire, which seems to have been started by an errant firework... Prince "Charming" (Fairyland Inquisitor, Gruesday, 10 Estuary, 833) Scandal rocked the Palace today when certain "paintings" were found under the Prince's bed. The King was allegedly furious and disgusted. "It's bad enough having them done at all... but having them done with himself in them..." The King shook his head. His advisors immediately rushed him out of the room, declaring that the official Palace stance was "No Comment." Things escalated when his "maid" confessed that he often donned a disguise and went under the pseudonym "Charming." "It's shocking, simply shocking." Said a woman on the street. "Princes should be held to a higher standard." Prince Seeks Bride; Ball to be Held at Palace! (Fairyland Inquisitor, Mudday, 16 Estuary, 833) After the scandal last week, the Queen reportedly said "Enough is enough. Maybe if he has a real woman it will settle him down a little." The King was alleged to have muttered, "He'd better pick a stupid one who won't know what he's up to." They have arranged a ball to acquaint him with all the eligible girls in the Kingdom. "And he'll pick one before the week is out, or I'll bloody well pick one for him!" The Prince's Comment: "What a bore." The Ball will be held this Frobday, the twentieth; streets and public transportation around the palace will be closed for security reasons Mystery Gatecrasher Crashes Ball! (Fairyland Inquisitor, Starday, 21 Estuary, 833) Palace security is on edge after an uninvited guest in a red dress and glass slippers managed to sneak into the Ball last night uninvited. She was reported as "being a bit tipsy, and a bit disheveled.... at least we think it was a she, because of the dress. But it was a bit hard to tell." Another observer said, "She was staggering around, giggling and falling on people. She even lost her shoe. And she was out in the middle of the dance floor break dancing.I'd never seen anything like it. The Prince was alleged to have been quite taken with her. When asked for comment, he smirked. "Pops said I had to pick one of the girls at the Ball. So I will. Put that up your nose and swallow it." The girl ran out at midnight when the guards attempted to apprehend her. Mystery Girl Found! (Fairyland Inquisitor, Wandsday, 22 Frobuary, 833) After a month long search conducted in the shoe stores throughout Fairyland for a girl with size 22 feet that would fit in the shoe left at the Ball, the girl was finally apprehended. The alleged is none other than Lucinda Ella, the heir to the Djinn Emporium empire! Our Palace informant informs us that the Royals are much more sanguine about the match now that they know she has millions. The Prince was reportedly disappointed by his parents approval. The P.I.T. Officials were unsure whether they were supposed to arrest her or escort her to the Palace for the wedding. Ella Denies Having Fairy Godfather! (Fairyland Inquisitor, Gruesday, 27 Frobuary, 833) New facts have come to light about Lucinda Ella (Who insists on being called "Cindy"), which leave many of the inhabitants feeling a bit uncomfortable with her as a choice for future queen. "Well, wasn't there all that stuff about her father?" One man asked. Her father, Djinn Emporium Magnate, died under mysterious circumstances eight years ago, and many suspect him of having had connections with the Fairyland Underworld. Ella was reported as having been picked up from the Ball by a black carriage with no visible markings. Ella denies the connection. "It was just an old family friend. They gave me my shoes too... aren't they adorable? And it's so hard to find shoes in my size... I wonder where on earth they could have gotten them?" Wicked Stepmother? (Fairyland Inquisitor, Birthday, 2 Arch, 833) A family friend gave us the inside scoop of the Ella household. "Cindy and Nadine just never got along," they said, "Cindy never really forgave Nadine for taking her mother's place, and she was a bit wild... the more Nadine tried to reign her in, the more Cindy rebelled." "The sisters? Oh, they just never really had anything to do with each other. Margie wants to be a lawyer, she's always studying, and Daphne was always so busy with her ecoterrorism; they never had much time for little Cindy..." Royal Wedding (Fairyland Inquisitor, Mudday, 27 Arch, 833) Prince and merchandising heir united in holy matrimony. Exclusive photographs on page 23! Prince Found Dead! (Fairyland Inquisitor, Gruesday, 2 Mage, 833) Just weeks after his honeymoon, the Prince is found in the garden with a glass spike through his heart, which looked suspiciously like it might have come from a glass high-heeled shoe. Some immediately branded Cinderella as "The Black Widow" and hounded her mercilessly for photographs (exclusives on page 123!) Others believe it was a jealous ex, hoping to frame Cindy. Sources suggest that she and her Stepmother have joined forces in a campaign against what they both call "A series of horrendous libels... which have, over the course of the whole affair caused us so much emotional distress and heartache." The Stepmother told The Fairyland Inquirer that the ordeal "has brought them both so much closer together... finally that rift between us had been healed." Cinderella was unavailable for comment. |