Shelly

Shelly.
Corrado.

5:37 P.M.

The man walked up to the counter. 5’7”, not too bad looking. He had some Reese's and Swedish fishes in his hands. Well, too bad. He seems to like sweets, which would mean he likes junk food, which would mean he couldn’t possibly be a dieter, which means u guys would never work out. Hmm, but maybe he just got off a diet? Maybe he’s sick and tired of the world and its stereotypes, like you are. Maybe.

He stood there, and looked at me. I just stood and looked at his candy items. Sneaking a look up, it looks like he’s got some nice clothes. O wait, is that an AE symbol? Oh, no, he’s a wanna-be teenager. He just wants to look young. No, he’s not your type. Hmm, but wait, maybe he just wants to wear what he wants to wear. He might just want to look like no one else his age. He might just want to stand out. You guys could be opposites. Perfect.

Hmm, Shelly? HELLO! You’ve spent enough time just standing! Talk to him. Look up. Good. Ask him if he found everything alright. “You alright?” No no no! I didn’t mean to say that. You didn’t mean to say that. What’s he doing? Hmm stop looking at me! I’m not some kind of circus freak on display for you. I’m not some aquarium filled with your precious Fishes from Sweden. Answer me damn it!

Ok, not going to answer. Huh? Maybe I should look at him till he has to say something. No, maybe you should look at him, I mean, he can see you, but he can’t see me. So even if I was looking at him he would never be able to tell!

Great! Good, just stare into his eyes until he responds. Wow, he has great eyes. Nice and blue, just like the ocean those fishes he has would want to swim in. Oh, wait, no. It wouldn’t work between you two. You have hazel eyes. Blue and hazel. You guys wouldn’t match. Too Bad.

Ok, what did I tell you? Look at him until he looks back. NO. Bad girl. Look at him. Ok, good. FREEZE…DON’T MOVE…NOT A MUSCLE…GOOD. WAIT. YOU’RE CLOSE. WAIT. WAIT! OH NO, you lost it. Ask him again. Did he have any trouble finding things? “Did he have any trouble finding things?” CRAP. He? Who the hell is he? Oh he’s that guy right in front of you. No. Wait. You just said he as in him, but u meant to say you as in him. CRAP. You always screw things up Shelly. Crap on a Reese’s Peanut Butter Stick.

Hm, I’m sick of waiting. Just pick his stuff up and scan it in the machine. O wait, before you do that, you’re supposed to ask something. Now what was that question…Did he have any trouble finding things? No, you already TRIED that one. What was it…Do you have a card. Yes, that is it. Does he have a card? “Did you get me a Birthday card?” OH CRAP. Not again, I didn’t mean to say that. Damn it, you always screw everything up Shelly.

Ok, forget the card, if he has one, he’d have given it to you along with his soon-to-be but currently unhealthy purchases. Ok. Now which to scan first, the Reese’s or the Swedish fishes. Hmm. Why don’t you ask him? Which would you like scanned first, sir, The Swedish Fishes or the Reese’s? “Maim, which would you like to ban, Leakish Dishes or Feaces?” Oh crap! That was the biggest and STUPIDEST screw up yet, dumb ass. First, he’s a guy, I mean; do you see anything up there under his chin and before his abs? Oh, wait, you do don’t you. Wow. Those are what I call pecks. Wow. WAIT! What did you say to him? Ban! You were supposed to say scan! What! LEAKISH DISHES. FEACCES! Oh, crap, you screwed up this relationship, all right. All Right.

Ok, just take the feaces…Reese’s…and scan 'em. … Good. Finally, Shelly, you did SOMETHING right. Ok, now grab those fishes. Hmm, I wonder is they would float or sink. I wonder if the red ones would sink faster then the yellow ones. Hmm. Questions, questions. Ok, good. You scanned! Beautiful. Stunning. Perky. Now, just ask for him to pay for the items he just purchased. That is 4.50. Would you like to pay with cash of check? “Do fishes sink or swim?” WHAT! Why did you say that! WHY!

Let us see, there’s his money. Right there, in front of you. No, not behind you. Stop looking behind you. What are you looking at? Are you looking at your butt? SHELLY. You are working right now; no time to be checking yourself out in front of this incredibly handsome man who wears kids’ clothes and has great pecks. This is no time. Ok, I guess a five will do. At least he is doing things right. Take it and put it in the cash register. Good job. Hmm, I wonder what kind of change he would want. Nickels, dimes, quarters, pennies, ask him! Say…Sir! What kind of change would you like back? “Sir…” Good job! “Do you like money on you back?” WHAT! Why the hell did you ask that? Wait. What did you ask? Shelly you did not. No. There’s no way I could be that stupid. Yes. Yes you did, didn’t you. Let’s hope he laughs. Did he laugh? Nope, not even a smile? Well, at least he’s hot without a smile. I mean, he’s got great teeth, but I like the mean ones. Stupid Shelly, what are you thinking when you say these things. Just…think!

Ok, just give him two quarters. Good. Perfect. Ok, well, say bye. Umm…Bye! “I’m…high!” Wait, did you just say bye or hi? Hi or high? Bye or bi?...Why…Hmm is he going to say anything back? Maybe. No. Yes.
“Thanks.”


Oh wow, he has a great voice.

5:38 P.M.