MisAdventures 2

Tavern part 1.


Even heroes need rest and so it was with are heroes. One late night in a dark wood deep in the lower region of Bangadike on the way back from a run in with an old nemesis they found themselves unusually drowsy. So they stopped by a roadside tavern by the name of Elvin Burial Ground Inn.
“Sounds quaint,” Said Mike a little off handily, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“ Nonsense!” Said William with renewed conviction. “I’m thirsty and I’m almost out of pipe weed.”
“Well this should be interesting.” Said Mike mostly to himself.
With that they tied up their horses and walked toward what by the looks of it just might be their death. William opened the door and great thick cloud of smoke rolled out and covered William and Mike.
William turned to Mike and said, “I’m hungry and I don’t know why.”
“Smells like home.” Replied Mike with a sheepish smile. With that they stepped inside.
Within this tavern was all manner of creatures: Halflings, trolls, humans, fairies, dwarfs, and other less then savory races. Behind the bar was one of the biggest, hairiest trolls either one of them have ever seen.
“Go get us a table,” said William “I will speak with the barkeep.”
“I hope the foods’ good at least.” Said Mike
William went up to the bar keep to see what manner of place this was because he had a few question that needed to be answered.
“Hello their barkeep I was wondering if you could answer some questions?” said William
“Are you going to buy some thing?” said the barkeep
“Well yeah probably…” replied William
“Well then now were talking,” smiled the barkeep a big broken crooked toothy smile, “the names’ Muzzy, what can I do for ya?”
“Well first off do you happen to have some pipe weed for sale?” questioned William.
“Do I?” snickered Muzzy reaching under the bar pulling out maybe a half dozen bags and setting them on the bar. “What kind would you like human, troll, gnome, halfling, dwarf, or just a little pixie dust?”
“Which is your best? Asked William gesturing at the bags.
“Well actually…” said Muzzy scratching his big fuzzy chin, “you’d be surprised but the halfling pipe weed was the best in fact it was so good we decide to smoke one.”
“Pipe weed?” questioned William looking confused
“No,” replied Muzzy shaking his head “a halfling, you see me and the guys figured that if their pipe weed taste so good and they been smoking it for generations they would taste awesome. So we capture us one and were gonna smoke’im in that huge pipe I made.”
He points to the far side of the bar were a huge carved tobacco pipe sat.
William turned to see and sure enough there it was, right next to it was two smaller trolls trying their best to shove a poor little halfling kicking and flailing with all its might.
William panicked and dashed over to rescue the poor creature, he ran as fast as he could head long into the smallest one, and went fly off as he bounced off and went flying into a wall. Because you have to keep in mind a small troll is 7 feet tall and at least 600 pounds depending species of troll and these ones happened to be of the larger variety.
As are hero laid there dazed and possibly broken the very heavy steps of the troll bartender Muzzy drew closer. The footsteps stopped right by are hero’s slightly damaged head, and as his vision cleared he could see the slightly disturbing vision of Muzzy looking down on him smiling a crooked little smile.
“Now what did you go and do a thing like that for?” said Muzzy still smiling down at are hero, “you weren’t trying to steal are halfling were you?”
He bent over and picked up William by the head and lifted him off his feet.
“Do you know how bad it would be to steal from me?” growled Muzzy
“Maybe he wasn’t trying to steal it?” said a voice from behind the large troll.
Muzzy turned to see who spoke still holding William tightly by the head. There stood Mike in with a smug look on his face.
“Who are you little man?” said Muzzy
“Just someone who doesn’t like violence.” Replied Mike, “It looks from were I was sitting like he just got to excited and ran into that poor fellow.”
“I’m a woman.” Said the other troll in a deep yet female voice.
“Oh…of course my mistake.” quickly replied Mike “But as I was saying…. How much for the halfling?”
“hmmmm…. Well she is the only one we have. I don’t know… lets say 500 gold.” Said Muzzy with an even wider smile.
“All right I supposed, you drive a hard bargain.” Said Mike and pulled out a huge pouch from underneath his robe and tossed it toward the troll who caught it in his huge palm. By this time William had managed to make it to his feet, and stumble toward the halfling (as to rescue her). As he approached the two other trolls set the halfling down.
“That’s right.” William mumbled with a sort of dazed and drunken look on his face.
“Come on Hero,” Mike said directing William and the halfling toward a near by table “I found us a table.”
“So what was that all about?” Mike questioned
“William the professional Hero to the rescue!” William shouted standing up, then falling back into his chair, his head thudding against the table.
“Is he going to be alright?” said the halfling looking worried.
“Sure,” Mike said unconcerned “this ain’t nothing he dose worse then this to himself on a regular basis. He’ll be fine in the morning don’t worry your pretty little head. So what’s your name and how’d you get here?”
“My name is Brandy,” said the halfling “and thanks for helping me and your friend out.”
“Oh no problem, that’s what me and him do for a living and he’s saved my bacon plenty of times.”
“Well you guys seem to make a good team.”
“We do, so what brought you here?”
“O well, it’s a long story.”
“We have plenty of time.”
“Alright then…….”

Brandy the Halfling’s story

“Well it all started when I got engaged to an imp named Calhoun….”
“Wait, wait, wait,” said Mike, “you mean to tell me you a halfing were going to marry an imp?! How the hell….”
“Look we were in love ok. Or so I thought And it sounded good at the time. Plus I thought he loved me for my mind, come to find out he just wanted my body… To eat!”
“Whoa!” said William lifting his head from the table, “Were going to have something to eat?”
“No.” said Mike, “But were gonna get you something to drink cuz your going to have one hell of a headache in the morning.”
“Ok.” Replied William
“Bartender!” yelled Mike, “An Ale for my friend.”
Mike turned back to the halfling “Please continue.”
“So I won’t bore you with details…” began Brandy again, “So there we were at the wedding. He talked me into having it imp-style, which made me kind of uneasy because it involved having a huge black cooking pot right in the middle of the wedding area. I personally have never seen so many imps in my whole life. And because of all the imps hardly any of my friends came. Among the few who did was one of my maid of honor Kristina the fairy, her boyfriend Weibe the bard, and my other maid of honor my personal bodyguard Misty the Brute. Now you never seen a weirder ceremony I swear. They had had me standing in a weird goop, and then the ceremonial seasoning, it felt like I’d been standing there for like an hour. The worst shock came though when the imp priest turned to us and said, “You may now eat the bride.” At first I just though it was wholly inappropriate, till quickly I learned he meant literally. As my would be husband bit deep into my arm I screamed out in horror and pain. Lucky Weibe was near by and jumped up to my rescue breaking his lute over Calhoun evil little head causing him to let go. I clutched my bleeding arm as we turned to flee. I could see my family and friends who did come being picked up by swarms of imps and dropped into that huge pot. We were doomed; soon the only ones left were Weibe, Kristina, Misty, and myself. No matter how much we fought they kept coming closer and closer soon we were too tired to fight back. Just when the end seemed near a voice piped up.
“Looks like you could use a hand.” The voice said calmly.
We all jumped in surprise as we turn to see a large fellow (at least we assumed it was a guy from the voice, because every inch of his skin was covered none of his features were showing) in a gentle green suit of armor. He didn’t wait for a reply; he pulled out his massive sword, which all but glowed with greatness. He gave his mighty sword a heavy swing, cutting down a quarter of the massive swarm and sliced off Calhoun’s tail as the fiend crept toward me again. Imps being natural cowards screamed and fled. We turned to thank the stranger; he just stood there silently.
“What is your name sir?” questioned the bard, “So I might write a song of your glory”
“I am a wayward knight.” he replied, “I have no name.”
With out another other word he turned and walked back into the dark dense forest. And that’s the last I saw of him…..”