Dear Clare

CLARE’S LETTER

Address Unknown
2.48pm
12/02/04

Dear Clare,
Do you remember the day when we first met? It was on our very first day of secondary school and I was seated next to you in the registration class. I remember the nervous silence in the classroom and people chewing their lips and fiddling with their pencils. I sneaked a quick look at you and thought you looked quite friendly. You were wearing a black ‘Fruit of the Loom’ jumper and had your long brown hair tied up in a high ponytail. We didn’t talk until our teacher walked in and called out the register; it was then that we discovered we shared the same name. That was the icebreaker. I remember our conversation as though it was yesterday,
“We’ve got the same name”, you said
“Uh huh” I replied
“Hows yer name spelt?”
“C L A I R E”
“Mines is C L A R E. Whats yer furst class? Mines is geography. A hope the teachers nice”.
“Mine is geography too”
“Well we can sit next ti each other if ye want”
“Ok”
“Di ye want a jelly baby?”
“Ok, thanks”
We stuck together for the rest of the day and became firm friends. Do you remember when I found out that you also shared a love in horses? I was so happy to find someone who didn’t get bored when I chattered on about horses that I spent my lunch money on a chocolate feast for us. I felt sick and hungry for the rest of the day. It used to take us an hour to walk the five minute journey home because we talked so much about horses.
I still laugh about the time when we hatched a master plan about getting a hamster each so that we could breed them and then sell the babies. Our mums wouldn’t let us but we decided that if we saved up the money, bought the hamsters in secret and then made a profit, our mums would forgive us. We didn’t buy any sweets and saved up fifty pence every day for nearly two months. When the day finally arrived when we had enough money we were in a manic state of excitement. But as you probably remember the pet shop wouldn’t sell us the hamsters because we were too young so that was the end of that business venture.
It was at the beginning of second year that things began to change. I started going out with a boy named Liam who was a part of the ‘popular’ group and I began to hang out with them. We spent less time together, and I never thought much about it at the time, but you began spending your break times sitting alone on the wall. I never really noticed when we stopped walking home together but I do remember the day when someone in my new found group shouted ‘smelly’ to you, across the playground. I was quite shocked but I never said anything to stop them.
Other people in the group began shouting abuse at you whenever you were near and I quickly forgot that we used to be friends. At the time I felt that I had to, otherwise, I would also become a victim of their cruel taunts. I never thought to ask why they disliked you so much but I suppose it was because you were stronger than me and never felt the need to be accepted into their group. They didn’t like outsiders.
I know that you will remember the day I am about to mention more clearly than me because it was your last day at school. Not because you were moving away but because you had finally had enough of the people I called friends. We were now well into our third year and a girl in the group was sitting behind you in home economics. She kept whispering cruel things to you,
‘Smelly Clare’
‘Why don’t you buy some deodorant?’
‘I can smell you from the other side of the school’
This went on and on and I just sat back and said nothing. I pretended to look out of the classroom window but I heard everything and felt sick. When you turned around and told the girl to shut up I was so proud. I suddenly remembered when we used to be friends and how I had so much more fun with you talking about horses. The friends I had only ever talked about clothes, boys and going out at weekends. But then the girl threw her cup of water over you and the whole class began laughing and pointing. Even the teacher had a hard job holding in her laughter. I felt like crying. You said nothing. You just packed up your things and ran out of the class room. I never saw you again after that.
So I guess that this is a letter of apology. I know that it will never reach you because I don’t know where you are. You moved schools and then you and your family moved away about a year later.
I stopped being a sheep and following the crowd and I found different friends. We didn’t have as much fun as me and you but they were a whole lot nicer than the bullies I had chosen over you. I hope where ever you are that you are happy.

With Love,
Claire
xxx