I lost my first child at eighteen

I lost my first child at eighteen;

(i was five months pregnant,
had been sick for three months;
no money to go to the doctor, no
money to buy medicine)

I was too proud to apply for welfare.

I lost my first child at eighteen;

(they said he was already dead, said
he had died inside me, said it
must have been the pressure,
from the coughing)
how long?

I lost my first child at eighteen;

(he told me i was beautiful, said
he wanted to marry me; told me
that he loved me, that he couldn’t
live without me)

He wouldn’t let me have friends,
wouldn’t let me be alone.

He said he trusted me
but not the world;

I lost my first child at eighteen.
(they were signing me up for welfare,
to cover the hospital bill)

I watched as they carried my son away,
(the father was not there)
watched
as they carried my son away,
(my family was not there)
as they carried
my son away,
(i was afraid to tell my mother)
they
carried my son away
in a pink plastic bedpan.