Dear Daniel

Hey. It's me. I know I said I wasn't going to contact you again until I got myself figured out, but I wanted to wish you luck. I heard about the latest development in your life, your desire to have a child with the man you dumped me for, and I wanted to tell you that I hope things work out well. I hope they make you happy, because I feel like I never did.

I still don't understand what made you leave me for him, what made you decide you wanted a man instead of me. It tears me apart when I hear how perfect your life is, and that you couldn't be happy, or honest with me about the situation. I had to hear it from him. I'm trying to be happy for you though, because that's what I want for you. I want you to be happy.

God this is hard to write. I just, I have to get through it.

I still love you, and I miss you. That hasn't changed. I've been trying to move on, and I thought I had succeeded, until last night. Yes, last night when you called to tell me that you and your boyfriend had contacted his ex-wife about carrying a child so that you two could have a baby. Funny, the last time we talked about kids, a month ago, we talked about your niece, you said you never wanted children.

So now I sit here wiping tears away and all I can think is "Why wasn't I good enough?" "What did I do wrong?" "How can you be so unaffected by the four months we were together that you could completely erase me from your life in less than a month?"

You've said it before, it's not my fault. But do you realize how hard it is to take? You've never been in my place, don't tell me not to blame myself. You just might do the same thing if you were me, no matter what the truth was.

Can you teach me not to care?

Love,

Anna