Some Women Have It, Some Don't

Edgy commentary With Emphasis on Why Respect Is Earned, Not Demanded!


by Peggy Butler


*Loraine Osgood glanced at the friends seated across the table and sighed inwardly, as another man gave her the brush off for the umpteenth time. Looking around the room she wondered why the men were deliberately ignoring her. “Stupid jerks,” she whispered. “Those idiots won’t give me the time of day. What’s up with that?” she said, fingering the buttons of her dress.

Five drinks later Loraine made a beehive to the restroom, where she bumped into a man she had spotted earlier. “Aw, don’t you men know the meaning of respect?” she asked, slurring her words. Caught off guard by the question, the man muttered “Do you?” After a long pause Loraine walked away without answering.


When Aretha Franklin clamored for R-E-S-P-E-C-T in 1967, men suddenly became aware of how they treated women. And 38 years and a thousand arguments later, women are still calling on men to respect them. Only now the rules have changed, and the only way women can get members of the opposite sex to hold them in high esteem, is by process of elimination. That simply means respect is earned, not automatically given as many women believe.

For example, ever notice that some women get the Hey Baby treatment while others receive the Ms. or Miss salutation regardless of age or race? In coming to grips with this issue, I’m convinced that when it comes to the “fairer sex,” men are more apt to admire women who are confident and carry themselves in a way that screams I RESPECT MYSELF.

As a woman I can easily tell if another woman respects herself, based on the way she talks, acts and dresses. If she feels she is worthy of distinction, no words are necessary, since her image speaks for itself. If on the other hand she is loud, disruptive and sloppy in appearance, a man’s opinion of her will take a dramatic nose dive.

Two contrasting examples of respect ideology are talk-show mogul Oprah Wimfrey and media poacher Paris Hilton. In one corner you have Oprah, oozing class and intellectual prowess, while reminding everyone why she is one of the world’s most influential women. In the adjacent corner is Paris; shallow, eager to display her body at every opportunity and hell bent on keeping her name in the press, at any and all cost. Now, realistically, who is more respected? Oprah who carries herself like a billionaire empress? Or Paris who associates braziness with style and class?


In writing this editorial, I am reminded of something a dear friend, Steve Lockett, once said. A man of impeccable taste whose ability to sense trouble is without peer, “Tale-tell Steve" is a purist in every sense of the word. Not one to sugar coat words, when Steve talks, everybody listens. So it came as no surprise when he said that there are two types of women, the ones a man is proud to be seen with and respects. And the other is the woman who doesn’t feel worthy of respect, so men tend to discard her like day old bread. Not surprisingly, some readers may view Steve’s comments as those of a male chauvinist from a bygone era, but there is a tinge of truth in his verbal tirade.

Clearly, it’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t think much of themselves. Granted, this applies to either sex, but since we’re talking about women we will limit our conversation to that gender. Okay back to the article. To reiterate, if a woman feels that she is a hapless zero, why should anyone respect her, when she doesn’t respect herself? To paraphrase Steve, it just goes to show you that some women have it and some don’t.

Lastly, as women let’s remind ourselves that if you feel you are not getting the respect you deserve, take a long hard look at yourself and ask yourself the following questions: Are you acting, talking, dressing and behaving in a way that commands respect? Or does your entire demeanor cry out “DON’T CARE” “DON’T WANNA CARE” and "AIN’T NEVER GONNA CARE?” The choice is yours.


* Not her real name