Life: The Way I Got It

My Life Unlike Any Others

         My life is different from other lives. There may be some similarities but nothing is exactly the same. My life is weird and unusual but yet it is common and ordinary. That may not seem like a really well put explanation but there is no other way to describe it.
         I was born like most children and my childhood was kind of short lived. When I was 8 years old I started to stay at home. I learned the basics of cooking and I began to grow alone. I stayed in my room most of the time and either wrote or thought to myself. I became distant with my family and was afraid to talk to anyone who lived in the same town as I. That is where I started to realize I was different.
         When I turned 12 years old I began to talk to kids my age. I actually had friends and then I had to move to a different town. I lost contact with my friends and confined myself in my writing. I had nothing to do and all I could do was write. My mother was dealing with her problems and my father was too tired after work to play games with me. I knew no one but my own creations, my characters.
         I knew that I was different from anyone when I started high school. I was so very shy and timid, I didn't even bother to talk to a single soul. I day dreamed most of the time and thought about how it would be to actually live out one of my stories. At one point I was a character in one of my stories.
         I always wanted to be this one character by the name of Marina. She was such a beautiful being and always managed to capture a boy's interest. Unlike me, I was attractive but not the best looking and I never really talked to a guy I liked. I wanted Marina's confidence and beauty so one day I tried to be like her.
         One day before school I asked a friend of mine to help me change my appearance. She did my make-up and helped me with my attire. For once I thought that I could live up to Marina's standards. I was very confident and when I walked down the halls I didn't hide myself. I smiled and said "hi" to everyone and that same day I got a look from one of my crushs. I thought to myself "he actually looked at me" and then I knew I had to have him.
         The next day I changed back to myself and walked up to my crush. I talked to him and actually looked into his deep green eyes. He was so handsome and was just perfect in every way imaginable. He was 16 and one of those skater boys with a rocker image. I couldn't get enough of him.
         Over a couple of months we got to know each other better. I loved spending every moment with him. He made me feel wanted and, for once, loved. I just waited for the day that he would actually be mine. Everyday I went home I used to write stories about how him and I would be together. Then one day I found out that I didn't have the same chance I had before.
         He walked up to me during lunch and said he had to tell me something. He told me that he was thinking about asking this girl out. It hurt me dearly and I told him to go for it as I held back my tears. I didn't want him to see that I was crushed. I excused myself from the table and walked down the hall. I could no longer hold back my tears. One after another they ran down my face leaving water trails. I didn't even need to blink to release them, they just kind of fell on their own.
         He asked that girl out the next day. I didn't even have to ask if he did, I could tell by the way they looked at each other. Every time I saw them together and holding hands it twisted my heart more and more. He didn't talk to me as much as he used to. He no longer sat with me at lunch and I would get a call every other day.
         I secluded myself more then ever when that happened. I wouldn't eat as much either and my mother began to worry. I would tell her that I had an upset stomach or that I wasn't in the mood to eat. My writing began to suffer and so did my sleep. He was the only one to hurt me as much as he made me feel better. I felt like no one anymore and then I began to hurt myself.
         I had cuts on my legs and up my arms. I wore long sleeve shirts and pants everyday even in the summer. I don't know what made cutting feel like it was going to solve everything. Maybe it was the cold blade against my warm skin or the blood flowing out of my flesh. It could have even relaxed me and made me escape from the world around me.
         No one really noticed the way I acted except him. He knew that there was something wrong with me. He had approached me when his girlfriend was absent one day and asked me why I was so distant. After all the events I never picked up the phone when he called, which wasn't very often. I told him that I was busy and that I thought he would like to spend more time with his girlfriend.
         He looked at me and then looked to the ground like I said something wrong. A tear fell from his eye and he blew it off like it didn't. I looked at him and I felt like I had hurt him and made him this way. He told me that he missed me and that he rather spend time with me then his girlfriend. Inside I smiled and felt like my chance was coming back but then I remembered what I had done to myself.
         I told him to come to my house after school so we could talk. He agreed to that and walked to class. I felt so nervous throughtout the rest of the day. I didn't know how he would react when I told him about my self mutilization. Would he be mad and never talk to me or would he be unhappy and try to help me? Those thoughts ran in and out of my mind. Then the last bell rang and the words cleared from my head.
         As I was walking home I heard him scream my name. He had been behind me since we left school and I guess I didn't know he wanted to walk with me. I stopped and he walked closer to me as he started to pant. We walked to rest of the way together and hung out in my room. No one was home and I kind of felt better about that. That means there would be no interuptions when we talked.
         We didn't speak for a good 20 minutes until he spoke. He said that he broke up with his girlfriend during 8th period. I held back my smile after he looked at me. He went from my computer chair to sitting next to me on the bed. I felt better about what had happened during the past 2 months. He leaned in the kiss me but I stopped him but getting up. I felt like I had lost my only chance of sealing the deal. I looked at him and he looked disappointed. He looked at me as I told him that I had to tell him something really important. I asked him to promise me not to say anything to anyone and not the get mad. He looked a little uneven about what I said but he promised.
         I reluctantly took off my black, long sleeved shirt and my blue jeans. He looked at me in shock but not because I was standing infront of him half naked. He looked at the deep wounds that rest in my skin. As I was taking off my jeans I managed to re-open a few of the cuts. I stood there in a cold sweat as he left his mouth open. He asked me why I would do that to myself and I told him why. I told him that I was upset that he would ask another girl out, that I felt no longer wanted nor needed, and that I felt deeply crushed at the fact that I lost him. Without another word he leaped up from the bed and held me in a tight embrace. My arms automatically wraped around him as his grip became unbelieveably tight.
         I didn't know whether or not to smile or cry. I was glad that he showed his true emotions to me but also I felt hurt because I had to cut myself in order to see how he felt. Then he dropped his arms into a loose hug and kissed me. I felt the tears roll from my eyes when he did that. I had recieved my first kiss from a guy that I was absolutly in love with. The kiss was intense it had so much passion and love in it. It was so deep and I felt all these emotions that I never thought I would ever feel.
         After a few moments the kiss was broken and we just looked into each others' eyes. We just knew that we belonged together. I let go of him and started to put my clothes back on. He sat back on the bed and said to me, "I will never hurt you ever again." I smiled a lot after I heard those words roll of his tongue.
         He left about an hour later and when my mother got home I hugged her. I told her that I knew she loved me even if she didn't show it everytime we spoke. She didn't know why I was acting this way and she never did. That same night I hung out with my father and treated him, along with my mother, to ice cream. For the first time we acted like a true loving family.
         After the cuts had vanished from my flesh leaving barely there scars, I started to wear light colors. My life changed for the better and after 9 months I am still with him. I love him as much as he loves me and I could never ask for more. As for my writing, it got better and more vivid then ever. I finally have a balanced life and I couldn't have asked for more.