What True Love Feels Like

The Way I Feel

         You know that saying "the heart wants what the heart wants?" At times, I think that is true, especially when you are in love. Sometimes you try to ignore that feeling you get when he/she is around. Sometimes you even give into the feeling. Personally, I gave in three times and every time it hurt except for the last.
         Kevin was the first person I cared about. He meant everything and I thought he was perfect. He was about 6 foot and thin. At times, I thought he couldn't pick me up and he would prove me wrong. He was the person that gave me my first kiss and made me enjoy it too. Every time he would look at me, I would think to myself, "what does he see in me?"
         Eventually our relationship lead to nowhere. I was moving at the end of the summer and the distance wasn't going to work for us. We broke up and I was crushed but then he told me that I would always be in his heart as long as I thought about him.That made me smile a bit but the hurt overwhelmed my heart more.
         Billy was the next person that caught my heart. Our relationship was a screwed up one let me tell you. We would date on and off and I cheated on him so many times. I can tell that when he found out he was really hurt. I don't know if I honestly loved him but I knew I cared about him.
         Every time we broke up, I would think about why I was the one to do it. I always thought that it was better for him and that I wasn't the type of girl he needed. I would miss him about a day or 2 after we broke up and feel bad. We would always wind up getting back together. Eleven and a half months that went on for, all the way until he moved to P.A.
         Lenny...what could I say about him? I can say that I love him with all my heart and with the surrounding parts. He had the greenest eyes in the world, the kind that you can stare into and would lose your thoughts in. His body structure is nothing short of perfect and not to mention his personality! He is outgoing and can understand any feelings or emotions that a person is experiencing.
         Every time I think about him, I feel the greatest feelings in the world but at the same time, I feel the greatest hurt. In my mind and in my heart he is mine and I am his but physically we can't be together. Due to some circumstances, I can't be with him whenever he or I want to. Its as if he is so close but so very far.
         I sit at my window typing my heart out while he is outside my window skateboarding. Every time I hear the board hit the ground, another tear falls down my face. I just want to be able to see his face, touch his skin, and kiss his sweet lips. One day I will be able to be with him and experience what true love feels like.
         All of those people meant a great deal to me. I can tell that they have influenced the things I do and the way I think. If I could I would thank them every chance I get. I hope that I won't lose the love I am experiencing with Lenny. I think that everyone deserves to have one real love so never let him/her go.