Questions

Writing was always something she wanted to do. She could remember the fourth grade short stories she wrote, but that was just for fun. Could she really write something that would make people think? Nothing made sense anymore. Everything became blurred as she grew older, things that made so much sense before, were now the most puzzling thoughts in her mind. It was hard to think that life can change so quickly without even noticing it. Hopes and dreams just now begin to come alive in her head. She wonders what will happen in the next 5 years. What high school will she have gone to? Will she have the same friends as she did in middle school? Childhood is the hardest thing to go through. It is everything but stable.

She dreams of being a writer, but is that what she will do when she gets older, or is it just that, a dream? Will people think she is good enough to be a writer? Everything she has ever written has been torn to shreds by every teacher she has come to know. She needs just one encouraging thought or compliment from anyone who is willing to read what she writes, something truthful and not coming from someone who is fake and not worth knowing, even though she knows many of these people. Can she take the criticism from her readers when they do not like what she writes? Will they think she is a hack and too over-dramatic? These questions really bothered her, enough to think that the people who told her that writing was not for her and that she should try math, were right.
What would she do other than write? She doesn’t know anything other than that. She wants to write, but what, books? She hasn’t finished a thing in her life, or at least anything worth finishing. Maybe she could become a columnist and write about things that matter and informing people about major world events in a national newspaper like USA Today, or she could just become whatever people do when they don’t try to become something stupid like becoming an actress or a writer. Is the future already written down in stone, or is life what you make it? That question made her even crazier then any other. Am I set up to fail? She believes now that you become what you want, but someone already knows what you want so they wrote it down for your future. She knows that we’re not here to fail; we are here to lack spontaneity. Do futures change for people that decide they don’t want to be a pilot or a manager of a McDonald’s? There are millions of people out there that want to be an actor, but only few make it big or even go after it at all. How do you know you are special? Did Tom Cruise KNOW he was going to be what he is now? What did he do different from everyone else?

Life confused her. She gets so many mixed signals from the media and life around her. How does she know which one to believe? Music now becomes her companion. She listens to music that isn’t for people that fit in with the mindset of everyone else. That music keeps her strong. It reminded her that people like her are out there, they are just not in plain sight. If she was going to fulfill her dreams, she was going to need to remember that.