Lotus

Laura lay on her bed, upset and close to tears. This was where she would always come when something bothered her. She would curl up in a ball under top the soft duvets, facing away from the door in the far corner, and looking towards the wall between her and her sister’s room. Her hand played nervously with a strand of her sleek, red hair.
The sound of angry voices still got to her here though. Laura couldn’t really tell what they were saying; she didn’t want to know. All she wanted was for them to go away – for good.
In the next room over, the fifteen-year-old’s twin sister sat at her desk. Sophie was concentrating as hard as she could on the piece of English coursework in front of her. Compare and contrast Tennyson’s work with another famous artist of the time. Below it was an introduction of about 3 lines then nothing. Sophie put down her pen, and rested her head in her right hand, whilst her left hand idly played with her cross pendant. Her parents were fighting. It happened every now and then, though more now than before. She sighed to herself sadly. Am I alone in this? She wondered. No, came her own answer. Sophie instinctively glanced at the wall to her left. She had always tried to ignore her parents when they got like this… but she had never really thought about how her sister would act or feel. A sudden wave of guilt washed over her; and she almost felt as if she had been neglecting Laura now. Sophie stood up, her decision had been made. Stepping out of her room, she was confronted by a wave of shouting and yelling. She stood for a moment before closing her door and walking along the hallway to her twin’s bedroom. Sophie gently knocked on the door. No reply. She counted to ten in her mind, and then knocked again, more persistently. A small, timid voice came from inside.
“Come in.” Sophie gently pushed down the handle of the door, and stepped in. She could see her sister lying on her bed. There was an air of depression to the room. Sophie knew Laura had been crying. She felt bad again. Laura rolled over to face her sister, and sat up. For a moment, they looked at each: neither knew what to say, or even whether they should talk at all. Sophie began to feel very awkward, until Laura broke the silence.
“Why do they have to fight?” Her voice was cracked and it was clear she was holding back tears. She swallowed audibly. Sophie knew she would have to be the shoulder for Laura’s tears this time.
“I don’t know,” she sat down next to her miserable twin, “I really don’t know.” The sounds from downstairs were as loud and as violent as ever. Something smashed. It was followed by a momentary silence that caught both girls’ attentions – only to be followed by even more shouting. Whatever dignity Laura had been trying to hold onto disappeared as she buried her face into her sister’s shoulder. For a moment Sophie was taken aback, but then her hands and arms found their natural places around her sister’s back. Neither of the girls said anything for a very long time. Sophie felt as if she was protecting her twin, and there was something nice about it, despite the upsetting conditions of it all. Even so, she was fighting back the tears herself. Many times as Laura’s shoulders shook, Sophie would find her eyes start to water, and she would swallow uncomfortably.
It took a few moments for either of the two girls to realise what happened. The shouting suddenly stopped, and an eerie silence came over the house, only to be broken by the sound of heavy footfall on the stairs. Someone was coming. Sophie felt her sister tighten her grip on her. The hall trembled as whoever it was walked past their room. Both girls sat tensely, neither daring to utter a word or even breathe for the fear of missing what would happen next. The feet came back after a few minutes, and down the stairs. There was one final silence. Sophie closed her eyes, and tensed even more as she heard the door slam. A car pulled out of the drive, and sped off down the road. Neither of the girls would ever see it again.
For a while, they just sat there. Within themselves, they were very much aware of what had happened. But they still took time to realise it all. It wasn’t long until Laura broke down into small quiet sobs again. Sophie found herself gently stroking her sister’s hair. It didn’t occur to her to be wrong or unusual at all. It just seemed… right.

* * *

Laura had fallen asleep quickly that night. She was so tired, so emotionally drained from it all. But she had enough energy to thank her sister. Sophie had waved it away, and said it if she ever needed to talk, or felt sad, that she was to come and see her. Laura had told her that the same went for her, and they had hugged. It wasn’t a begrudged hug like most family members would do; it had feeling. Their bodies had pressed warmly together, and it reminded her of hugging a boy, or best friend. They had looked into each other’s eyes at the end, and a mutual feeling was there. Laura, though still upset and teary eyed, managed to return Sophie’s warm smile. She had left then, and Laura had decided to take an early night. She thought it all over, and found herself thinking more about her protective sister than her now-divorced parents.
Laura rolled over onto her back. Her eyelids were getting heavy. The last of her thoughts ran away from her, leaving her mind to dream. Nothing happened at first. Her body was left still, to rest.
Sleep overcame her, gently taking her body in its comforting embrace. It let her drift through its being; impervious to all around her; it was now that the things from within her surfaced. Her thoughts, her opinions, her longings and her fears. Something was there, something more urgent than the rest. The essence was plucked, and Laura began to dream.
Things had already happened, though Laura couldn’t remember what they were. She was in a park, walking with someone she didn’t know. Turning to look at her companion, she saw no-one – or rather, what no-one would look like if they were someone. It had no particular features; no eyes, no hair, no nose or mouth. Yet it was the most beautiful thing Laura had ever seen, and she knew she loved it. Logically and socially, it didn’t seem right. But, in her heart she knew she was meant to be with this person. It held out its hand, and Laura took it. They walked for what seemed an eternity, hand in hand, yet when Laura stopped to think, she couldn’t really remember it.
They frolicked for hours, chasing each other, rolling in the grass. Laura felt as if she was being held in someone’s warm arms. She was happy here with this being.
Without any particular indication, it was night, though Laura knew it made sense. She and it were lying on the grass in the same park. Stars lit up the sky, illuminating them in a romantic glow. Laura turned to see that her partner was looking at her. Something started to happen, and she knew she couldn’t stop it – she didn’t want to, either. An arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close, and she felt herself being pulled in. She drew close, and kissed it. Soft, and tender, yet strong and passionate, all in one simple exchange. The park drew darker; Laura heard screaming. A large rip in the landscape was heading towards the two. She got up and urged her companion to do so as well. But, it grabbed her, and pulled her back in to it.
She heard a voice, a familiar voice, whispered in her ear.
“It’s going to be alright.”
The ground opened up beneath them, and they plunged deep into the abyss. But it was there, holding her close, and she knew it would be alright.
Laura awoke with a start, thrown forward from her pillow by dream-shock.
‘Odd,’ She thought to herself. The girl thought about her dream for a while. However, she had school, and was already running late. She got up, and began to get ready for school.

* * *

One room over, Sophie lay in her bed. She didn’t need to get up for a while, as all her things were already prepared for school. She had slept a peaceful, dreamless sleep, but now she was awake, thoughts and feelings coursed through her mind. One was more prominent than the rest though; why was she still thinking about it all?
Glancing at her alarm clock, she saw it was time for her to get ready for school. As she put on her uniform, she came down to the conclusion that the whole event had shocked her deeply, and that was why it was still running around her head.
Laura rushed down the stairs, and the two girls left the house. Their mother was sitting in the car already waiting. As they walked past to get in, they could see that she hadn’t slept much, if at all. The journey to school was a silent and uneventful one. Outside the car was a world bustling with life an activity. But the car seemed to be neutralised from all of it. Both girls were glad when they finally arrived at school, saying unfelt goodbyes to their mother, and heading into the main school building.
The day was just another school day – eventless and easily forgetful. The sisters found themselves sat next to each other in some of their lessons – not by intention, but merely out of chance. At lunch, Laura went off with her friends, and tried to act naturally. Sophie spent yet another lunch in her classroom, trying to get homework done. The afternoon that followed was as boring as, if not worse than the morning.
Their mother had sent them texts to tell them that she couldn’t pick them up, and that they would have to walk home tonight. Fortunately it was a clear, sunny day.
Laura and Sophie met after their final lessons just down the road from the school. The two girls greeted each other, and then set off home. It was only about five minutes until Laura spoke.
“Where do you think Dad has gone?” Her voice wasn’t its normal self – there was still a hint of fear there.
“I don’t know. He’s probably gone to his sister’s or a hotel.” This answer didn’t make either girl feel any better about themselves, or their parents. Laura hung her head.
“Thanks… last night. It meant a lot to me.” A smile broke across Sophie’s face.
“That’s alright hun.” The last word tripped out of her mouth. She could feel herself regretting it instantly, and this feeling was amplified by the part-confused part-off put look that Laura shot her. Neither said anything for a while. Sophie was so caught up in what she had just said, and because of that she didn’t hear her sister speak.
“Sophie?”
“Huh? What did you say, sorry?”
“Oh, don’t worry.” Laura increased her pace. Sophie hurried after her.
“Please tell me.” Laura blushed and stayed silent.
Sophie fell back a bit.
“Please?”
“I just wondered if you’d mind… uh,” she paused to think of the right words, “staying with me in my room tonight… I don’t like being alone.”
“Of course I wouldn’t mind.”
“Thanks again.” Laura’s mood changed from sombre to happy.
“I had such a nice dream last night. It was very romantic. I had the most amazing date, and I felt as if I was truly in love with the person. It all seemed so right.”
“Who was it with?”
“That’s the thing – I don’t know. It was kinda like one of those stick-men that you can buy for artwork –“
“A mannequin?” Sophie suggested.
“Yes, that’s the one. I had a nagging sensation that it was almost… kinda like a forbidden love or something; Do you ever get the feeling that something you do, or feel is ‘against the rules?’,” she made inverted commas in the air with her fingers.
“Hmm…” Sophie thought this over deeply. Something came to mind, but she disregarded it.
“Nothing comes to mind.”
“I guess you’re not the type.” Her sister teased. Sophie shot her a fake glare, and playfully punched her sister in the arm.
“Oww!” The girls play fought for a while, eventually giggling happily with each other. Their spirits were high, and both girls looked happily at each other, as the sun set in the distance, smearing the sky with streaks of orange, red and pink. They rounded the corner of their street, and walked in the drive.
“Where’s mum’s car?” Sophie wondered aloud.
Laura made a noise that explaining that she didn’t know, and the sisters went inside. The house was empty and still. It was calming yet eerie at the same time.
“Do you want some tea?” Laura asked her sister, whilst throwing her bag to the bottom of the stairs.
“Yeah, go on, if you’re making some. Thanks.”
Sophie took her bag upstairs to her room. A thought crossed her mind. She walked back out onto the landing, and called down to her twin.
“Hey Laura – only two days left of school – just Friday and the Monday.” A few seconds passed.
“Oh yeah! I still don’t see why we have to go in on the Monday though – seems pretty pointless really.”
“Ah well.” She paused, wondering whether to say what came to her mind next. She decided to. “I guess we won’t be going to Tenerife this year. I mean, Dad was paying for most of it… and I don’t think he’s coming back.” A silence followed, making Sophie start to regret opening her mouth. She was relieved to hear Laura’s voice float back from the kitchen, shortly followed by the girl herself.
“I guess not. Still, I’m sure we can entertain ourselves.” Laura looked up at Sophie. “It’s good that we can talk about things like that so soon. I mean, I know it’s not the main,” she paused for a word, ”point to it all, but it’s still linked. I doubt some others would want to talk about it.”
“Well, it’s like I said last night. If you ever want or feel you need to talk about something, you know I’m always he – Tea!” Laura jumped as she felt hot liquid sear her arm.
“Oww!” She just managed to avoid dropping the tea.
“Thanks for the warning.”
“Don’t mention it.” The sound of a key turning in the front door caught both girls’ attention. The door swung open, and their mother walked in through the door. There were rings under her eyes, her hair was unbrushed, and her clothes were dirty. She was a picture of misery, her eyes dull, and her mouth small and barely open.
“Hello girls,” she said monotonously.
“Hi mum,” both girls replied, keeping their voices happy and perky, in hope of trying to raise their mother’s spirit. It didn’t work.
“I’m gonna go see what there is for dinner,” she continued, letting out a small sigh. Laura held back for a second, and then caught up with her mother.
“Here, have some tea.” She offered the cup to her downhearted mother, who looked at her for a moment. A small smile started to pull at the corners of her mouth.
”Thank you Laura.”
“Don’t worry about it,” her daughter beamed. Her mother took a sip from the cup then walked into the kitchen. Sophie had disappeared, so Laura grabbed her bag and made her way up to her room.
When she opened the door to her bedroom, she was greeted with a surprise.
“Uh – what are you doing Fi?” Sophie stood; looking flustered, she gave her excuse.
“I needed a new ink cartridge for my pen, and I wondered if you had any, so I was just checking.”
“You should have just asked,” Laura replied, reaching for the drawer above the one Sophie had been looking in. “Here they are. Take two – I’ve got plenty.”
“I’ve just got to finish off that English,” Sophie told her sister. ” And then I can come in, and we can hang around together, like you wanted.”
“I’d like that.” Laura said happily.

* * *

Chris picked up his mobile phone. He opened his phonebook, and scrolled through the list for the name he wanted. Laura. He hit the dial button, and held the phone to his ear. Nothing happened for a few seconds, and then the familiar ringing sounds began.
In her room, Laura was about half way through her Chemistry homework, when her phone rang. She picked it up without checking who it was.
“Hey Laura.”
“Uh, hey… who is this?”
“It’s Chris.” There was a pause.
“Hey Chris. What did you want?”
“I was just thinking… about us… I wondered if maybe, at school, you’d want to talk it all over, or something, maybe?”
“Uh, I guess so. We could talk at lunch, if you want.”
“That would be good; I hope maybe we can sort things out.”
“Maybe.” Sophie walked into the room. “I’ve got to go Chris. I have homework to do.”
“Ok, that’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
Sophie feigned ignorance; the truth was she knew exactly who had just called, and what it meant.
“Who was that?” Something buzzed through Laura’s mind, something that reminded her of guilt.
“It was Chris. He wants to talk to me tomorrow at school.” Sophie pretended to look shocked.
“You’re not going to get back together with him, are you?” She asked.
“I don’t know; I really don’t.” Laura flopped back onto her bed. “Did you finish your English?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, I did thanks.” She looked down at her sister’s still open books. “I see you haven’t finished your work though.”
“I was getting stuck, and was going to come in and ask you for help before much longer.”
Both girls laughed. The sombre air had left. The rest of the evening passed happily enough. The girls spent some time with their mother before and during dinner, and she cheered up a little. They retired to Laura’s room at about 8 o’clock. After that, they talked about life, and all manner of other things. Both of them were at peace – nothing could ruin this.
“I like spending time with you Sophie,” Laura admitted. “Everything feels more relaxed when you’re around.”
“Look at you getting all sentimental,” Sophie teased. Laura threw a pillow at her. Sophie playfully stuck her tongue out, and the twins giggled.
“I like spending time with you too Laura. It’s good to have you around. Woah, look at the time. It’s nearly midnight.”
“I’m surprised mum hasn’t said anything.”
“Her emotions must have taken quite a battering; can you really blame her for not being on top of things?”
“I guess not…”
“Anyway, I should probably get to bed.” The two sisters look each other in the eyes for a moment. Something was there, though neither was quite aware of it. Sophie turned, and once more went back to her room.

* * *

Sophie walked through a long field. Either side of her were flowers, all in full bloom. They were all bright and colourful. All beautiful in their own ways; yet whilst she was aware of them, none of them appealed to the girl. She longed for something else. Whenever she was here, in this field of opportunity, she knew she wanted something beyond it all. But, she had never found anything. Not until now. As she wandered this expanse of chances and choices, something caught her gaze. A row of trees stood tall and proud in the distance. Standing in the middle was a single flower. It was beautiful, like the others, yet it was different. While the others all basked in the glorious glow of the sun, this one hid away in the shade of the trees. A sweet smell beckoned her to the flower. She was running, although she was not alone.
Sophie’s eyes flickered open slowly as she comprehended what she had just dreamt. She knew now for certain whom it was that she longed for. Sophie knew she was not going to lose her flower to anyone.

* * *

The journey to school wasn’t the same as the day before. Sophie, Laura, and their mother Louise were all in higher spirits than the previous day, and thus had a nice conversation. Eventually Louise had to say goodbye to her daughters, and then pull away.
Out of the corner of her eye, Sophie saw a boy her age chatting with his friends. It wasn’t a particularly interesting sight, so she paid it no attention – until she heard the voice; his voice.
“I’m getting back with Laura today – I just know it.” He boasted. Chris’ deep husky voice stuck in her mind. Realisation swept over her in a wave of anger and depression. If Chris and Laura got back together, she would experience more of these feelings. She couldn’t let her sister have Chris. She was in love.
Laura sat glumly in Room S gazing out of the large dirty window to her left when the lunch bell went. Picking up her bag she headed straight for the canteen. After getting her food and drink she found Chris sitting alone at the far end of an empty table, and went to join him. Sitting opposite each other, they greeted one another and made a little small talk. Soon however, they were discussing their situation. Unbeknownst to them, Sophie sat one table over, listening to every word. The couple discussed everything. Problems and good times, fond memories and upsetting arguments.
“I guess the reason I wanted you here to talk to was to ask,’ he took a deep breath; “Will you go out with me?”
Laura sat in silence for a second.
“Can I give you my decision on Monday? I want time to think about it before I give a definite answer.” Chris was obviously disappointed, and he hid it badly.
“Uh yeah, sure. I’ll see you on Monday then.”
After school, the evening passed in a quick and eventless manner. Neither of the girls felt much like talking that night, so they spent their time finishing off the small bits of homework set that day. Unable to ignore her negative thoughts, Sophie wrote them down in her diary, before settling down to sleep.
The family spent the next day apart. Laura went to the new cinema in town with a group of her friends. Their mother Louise went out to do her weekly shop, whilst Sophie was alone in house, and so took it upon herself to clean it up. That night was similar to the previous one, passing without event or mishap.

* * *

Laura was awoken late on Sunday morning by her twin. Sophie was beaming and looked slightly flustered.
“Wake up!”
“Huh?” came the drowsy reply. “Why?”
“’Cos I’ve made you lunch. Mum left early this morning to go job hunting for the day, and its gone one o’clock.” Laura sat upright, holding her covers close to her.
“Thanks. I’ll be down in a minute, ok?”
Soon Laura was downstairs with her sister. She had thrown on a pair of jeans and a plain white top. Sophie however was wearing a long summer dress, which made her look quite beautiful. Laura told her so, making her blush. Both girls had returned to good moods, and had a long conversation over lunch, after which they watched Notting Hill. Later in the afternoon, they watched Titanic too. Laura laid back into her sister’s arms, commenting on her eight out of ten ‘comfortability’ rating. They laughed, and play fought a little, before going up into Sophie’s room. The sisters played cards, read individually, and talked together. The two were a little hyper, due to the Barcadi Breezers they had drunken at lunch.
“Hey Loz, I’ve got to go to the toilet,” the teenager said as she stood up and walked out of the room.
“Sure Fi.” Laura replied, watching her sister leave the room. Then she noticed something on Sophie’s desk, an open book. Curiosity getting the better of her, she stood over it, and began to read the elegant writing that covered the pages. It was only after a few moments that she realised what she was reading. She blinked and read it again. Then again, a third and fourth time. It didn’t change, but it was just as shocking each time.
“What are you doing?” Laura jumped, knocking the book to the floor. Sophie saw it.
“You… did you read it?” Sophie tried to sound angry, but she came out nervous.
“Uh…”
“Did you?”
“Yes. I did.” Sophie grabbed the diary from the floor, holding it close to her chest, before turning away from her sister.
“I… I had no idea that you liked –“
“Well now you know.” She cut her off. Laura stood behind her sister, dumbstruck. She had never really thought that Sophie would feel that way.
“Why… why didn’t you say something before now?” Her sister replied in a small broken voice.
“It’s not that easy. I thought you’d be mad with me. I didn’t want to say anything.” Laura comprehended.
“I wouldn’t be angry. I mean, I’m not angry.”
“You’re just saying that.” Laura put her hand on her sister’s shoulder reassuringly.
“I promise I’m not.” Sophie turned to look at her. There were tears in her eyes, something Laura had not seen before. In an odd way, it made her look even more beautiful.
The two girls faced each other for a long time. Neither was really sure of what to say, but splinters of conversation came through, trying to make sense of the unusual situation.
Their eyes repeatedly met, and broke away from the others. The feeling in the room was one of tension, as if they were in the eye of a storm, or on the tip of a wave. Sophie stood up. Laura did too.
“Where are you going?”
“I was going to go get a drink.”
“Oh.” A long silence followed and the girls once again stared into each others eyes. There it was again, that unknown element, but this time it was a lot stronger. It felt kind of different, more inviting, and neither of the girls tried to stop it. The two girls stepped close to each other. Laura put her arms around Sophie, and Sophie did likewise to Laura. It didn’t feel odd, or wrong. None of them stopped to think of the consequences, or what would happen next, none of it mattered. Nothing really mattered at all.

They kissed.

* * *

Laura had left quietly that night. The following day both girls had woken late, sharing nervous looks over their hurried breakfast. A familiar silence accompanied the journey to school, and when they arrived, they were late.
It was the last half day of school, so most lessons were just fun and not particularly taxing. The end of school came quickly, but it didn’t stop the girls feeling bad.
Laura knew that no-one could know about what had happened, but it didn’t stop her becoming increasingly paranoid as the day went on. Sophie was all too aware of what she was going through, and felt immensely guilty because of it all.
The bell rang for lunch and the end of the summer term, and the two girls got up and traipsed out of the school together in silence.
“Hey! Hey, Laura!” Chris was standing in the bike sheds of the school, quite hidden and secluded.
“Oh, hey Chris.” She walked over to him. Sophie began to, but fell back slightly.
“How are you?”
“I could be better, I could be worse. Mainly, I’m confused.”
“Uh, I don’t suppose you’ve made a decision, have you?”
“Yes Chris, I have.”
“And?” He could barely hold back the excitement in his voice.
“No, I will not go out with you.”
“Wuh… why?”
“Last night I realised something. Something that I’ve known for quite some time, but hadn’t really taken to heart. I’m in love with someone else.” She looked at Chris. It was clear he was hurt.
“Screw you. He’ll probably cheat on you, and when he does, I’ll laugh.” He turned away and walked towards his bus stop. Laura sighed. Sophie came round to face her. They didn’t need to explain. They wrapped their arms tightly around each other, holding themselves close. Laura brought her head up to whisper into Sophie’s ear.
“Never let go.”


- Epilogue -

The sun lay low in the sky, turning clouds pink red and orange, and shadows stretched far along the ground. A line of trees ran along the top of a small hill, between a long park and field of beautiful flowers.
Between the two tallest trees sat a couple, entwined together. The two didn’t say a word as they watched the sun set. Often they would kiss, passionately and lovingly, or look each other in the eyes deeply. Something was in there. It always had been, and it always would be. I would not call it love, nor happiness. Nor contentment, nor lust. None of these words could explain it, and trying to give it a name would taint its quality. But it was there, and so were they, and that was all that mattered.