Sincerely Me

I’ve never been one to take things sitting down. I have been brought up to be loud and boisterous, thanks to my parents. When they felt discontent, they took it out on each other or me through different methods of what I can explain as abuse. But it’s brought me wisdom, not to mention a harsh realism and blunt honesty. I never wanted to grow up fast and they warned me not to, but I did. I could apologize for who I am, but I won’t because it’s just the way I was created. No one should apologize for that.

What I do apologize for is falling for you. What’s ironic was that I didn’t display it appreciatively, only with disdain and wariness. It made me uncomfortable to know you so well, much less like you. I wasn’t in love, which was certain. But I did feel a certain chemistry that just wasn’t mutual. I really truly get it now.

I’ve only told a few choice friends. I didn’t need it to spread like wildfire. You never knew, but that was okay with me. I was fine without you realizing how I felt about you when I saw you. There would be an awkward silence about it that I wouldn’t want to obtain. I never did. I never wondered if I should tell you. I never wondered What If? I already knew the answer. I admitted it to myself. That was the first step.

You were so lovely. Kind and sweet, with a hint of rebelliousness. That attracted me, by the way. I did wish on more than one occasion that you weren’t who you were. I wish you were rude, cold hearted and many other aspects that you weren’t so maybe I wouldn’t see you. I wish that you never revealed your secrets to me. I wish that we were never alone together. That would have made things easier.

I’ve known my feelings for a while. I never acted upon them. I wasn’t one to be frightened by consequences, but this was just one I couldn’t afford to make. One that I didn’t want to make. I didn’t want you to end up like the others, despising me for not staying long. I never wanted a relationship out of you, you must know. I’m not entirely sure what I wanted. I’m still not sure now.

People were made to be discontent with their lives. I try to make the best of all the situations thrown on me. I knew that I’d get over them eventually. I knew that I’d get over you. I know that you have no idea, but thank you for waiting me out.

Sincerely,
Me.