Originally published in 1936, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is mostly informative with a few horribly derogatory and old-fashioned ideas thrown in. Let’s start with the good.

If you were never taught how to be a generally decent, well-mannered person, I imagine this book would be transformative for you. With such sage advice as, call people by their name, give them praise rather than criticism, and smile when you greet them, even the most dense reader should be able to pick up something useful. In all seriousness, this book has good advice, but holy cow, it really has a way of belaboring the point. Each tidbit of useful advice is couched in ten times the descriptive examples than are needed to make the point. The book could have easily been half as long and significantly more digestible with only one or maybe two solid examples of each piece of advice.

I work in outreach, so much of the book was common knowledge and my natural way of being such as smiling and listening attentively, so I almost skipped over those bits. Still, I found several good nuggets of advice that I had instinctively known before, but had been unable to put into words. I’ll share a few with you now. First, when you want someone else to do something for you, talk in terms of what THEY are interested in. What will they gain from doing what you want? Frame your ask in a way that makes them eager to do it because they will benefit. Make it their idea. Second, preceding an ask with a genuine compliment is not merely flattery. Doing so will spur them into a conversation with you because most people are eager to talk about what they are passionate about. Do your research ahead of time so your compliment on their work or life is honest and sincere, and this will give the person a sense of importance. In turn, they will be more open to listening to what you have to say and offering their resources and assistance. These two pieces of advice were the most salient for me because I can directly relate them to my work. In fact, I’ve already started using them to be a better conversationalist and build critical relationships and trust with my audiences.

Now, on to the parts that made me squirm. Of course, I understand this book was written in 1936, so some of the ideas are bound to be out of date, but let me give you a heads up here so you aren’t as taken aback as I was. Early in the book, the author talks about how many people “go insane” to get a feeling of importance. He implies that people choose to “go insane” (ie: become depressed or have some other mental illness) to seek attention from other people. The author goes on to describe this phenomenon with a few examples, all of which are women. Women “go insane” to get attention from their husbands and “feel important.” Then, once they get the satisfaction they need from their poor husband who has to deal with a crazy wife, they go back to being the good housewife where they belong. Troubling how mental health was viewed back in the day, isn’t it?

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Created Nov 29, 2019 at 11:55am • Submit your own review...