(4/14/2003) "Assassins", just one more in a seemingly endless (until "Cop Land") string of bad career moves by Sly Stallone. The "plot" <ahem> centers around Robert Rath (Stallone), a veteran hitman who is haunted by his violent past, and wants out of his profession. But he is being toyed with by a younger hitman named Miguel (Antonio Banderas), who wants to make a name for himself by taking Rath out. Let's get right down to it: Sylvester Stallone was the only reason to even think about watching this movie. He's always been good at playing characters that, haunted by past violent mistakes, yearn for second chances (like John Rambo in the original "First Blood"; Gabe Walker in "Cliffhanger"), and his turn as Robert Rath is no exception.

Richard Donner's direction was horrible, a mishmash of weak camera tricks and unnecessary quick cutting. Julianne Moore's performance in this movie is the total opposite of every good one she would give later in her career: in this, she makes for good eye candy, but not much talent or charisma on display for her thankless role as a mark caught between two hitmen. No indication of the incredibly talented actress she would become soon after "Assassins".

And Antonio Banderas. Antonio, Antonio, Antonio. I'd be surprised if any self-respecting vegetarian could watch Antonio Banderas act in this movie, because he makes for the biggest ham you ever saw. I couldn't understand half the character's lines without putting on the captions. Word of advice to Antonio Banderas: speaking in a growling half-whisper with a heavy accent does not equal acting. And did his character Miguel have enough gel in his hair?! Scrape some of that gunk off, and you could've solved the world energy crisis.

I saw it, I tolerated it, but you should use extreme caution when dealing with "Assassins". - *** out of 5

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Created May 05, 2009 at 10:34pm • Submit your own review...