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Friday, Jan. 10, 2025

10:54am EST

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Seven Degrees Left of Center

by Dale Ricky

Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #2276168

September 2019 I experienced a non-cancerous brain tumor, its removal and a stroke.

The tumor, discovered in 2019, was located up and left from my brain's center about one inch and 7 degrees in an area responsible for coding and decoding language, triggering a condition called Aphasia. Removing the tumor was some kink of Lobotomy. That left me with sort term memory lose and erased some long term memories. Each day I have to start over because I've forgot where yesterday ended.

Over time, the brain learns to adapt. In the beginning, I didn't feel it ever would. There is a scare where the tumor used to live. The seizures are under control and no repeat of a stroke. However, I did have another heart attack.

When asked how am I doing? I often reply, Seven degrees left of center.

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Ichabod Crane

about 22 hours ago
In response to "I miss him too"

Venting is healing to. Maybe she has to heal as well. Trauma affects even those not physically attached. Good luck to you and my prayers.

Anni Pon

Oct 2, 2022 at 5:15pm
In response to "Writerhood"

Thank you for the update, I needed to be reminded of this too! As long as you are writing, you're a writer. You don't need accolades or somebody else to grant you Writerhood. I agree with Schnujo that you have a lot of talent, even if the words don't come quickly or easily right now.

You've come so far already! Reading this, it's hard to believe that you're recovering from brain damage and your speech therapist previously scored you at a 2nd grade level.

1 Like

Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

Oct 2, 2022 at 11:27am
In response to "Writerhood"

OH! I forgot to mention--WdC has a thing that will automatically prompt you to post a notice on the Newsfeed that you've written another blog post. I really encourage you to do that! It will help you get more readers. (At least those who have fanned you will see the notice.) Plus, I really want to keep reading your posts, but as you know (whether you remember or not

), I also have a brain injury, so I had completely forgotten about your blog.

I'm SUPER glad you tagged me or I might never have read another post again.

So, definitely use that thing that asks if you want to announce that you added a blog post. It will prompt me to read it.

1 Like

Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

Oct 2, 2022 at 11:24am
In response to "Writerhood"

Your story is encouraging, fascinating, and inspiring! I'm so glad you are a writer and are putting it down for the rest of us to enjoy and learn from.

"After surviving a brain tumor and associated misadventures..." You are DEFINITELY a writer! I love the phrases you use!

The words might not come as easily, but the talent is still there.

In case you haven't discovered it yet. WdC has "Invalid Item"

. I thought of it because you mentioned being knighted with a Quill.

Anyone can nominate stuff, so if you find things around WdC that you love, feel free to nominate them through "Quill Nomination Form 2024"

. Though if they are static items like poems or stories, they need to have been written this year. Things like blogs and contests and such just need to be active this year.

Be sure to read the rules, but they're pretty simple.

Wow! Your writing has REALLY come a long way from 2nd grade level!

That's amazing! I'm so happy for you because I'm sure that initial result was devastating!

You've grown and improved so much already! Imagine how far you'll go with regular practice and support from the WdC community!

Yep, you're definitely a writer because a writer's gotta write! Thankfully, you're a talented one as well.

Those two don't always land on the same person.

I TOTALLY love your ending here! "Not now. I write because I am a writer. Not because of a wish. If you pen your own words, you are a writer too. Just in case no one has told you." I'm SO GLAD I ran into you!

1 Like

Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

Sep 27, 2022 at 11:05am
In response to "Reasonable Suspicion with Plausible Deniability"

So interesting! Thank you! I do remember using "What's-His-Name" a lot and my supervisor telling me that was disrespectful. *irritable* Well, so is telling me I'm faking, so we're even.

I'm now wondering about the storage areas for proper verses uh, improper nouns, you know, plan, ordinary nouns.

Thanks for all the information you share!

Dale Ricky

Sep 27, 2022 at 9:59am
In response to "Reasonable Suspicion with Plausible Deniability"

My understanding is that Lethonomia only involves proper nouns. Early in my recovery, I missed so many words both disorders applied. My experience with Lethologica is decreasing as I practice writing. However, spoken word recovery is slower because the brain uses separate areas for coding and decoding verbal input/output than written input/output.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Sep 26, 2022 at 7:52pm
In response to "Vulnerable and Violated"

What an incredible story. I'm so glad that you survived all of this! And not just survived; It's amazing how far you must have come to be able to write about it so well. I will be following this for more!

1 Like

Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

Sep 26, 2022 at 4:03pm
In response to "Vulnerable and Violated"

Well, so that was your 1st word, huh? Your 2nd 1st word, but still, hilarious...except that you were trying to ask for prayer.

Look how far you've come! What an amazing journey and what an amazing opportunity to speak to the miracles of God!

Yes, you would have eventually gotten somewhat better, but I am 100% sure you wouldn't be where you are today if you hadn't had so many prayers and I hope that one day, you are able to stand up in front of your congregation (if you haven't already) and shared the miracles of your life. BTW, they'd make a pretty phenomenal book as well. Oh, look! You're on a writing website!

1 Like

Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

Sep 26, 2022 at 12:28pm
In response to "700+ First Dates"

Interesting that your scar hurting means you will have problems with verbal communication that day. I suppose that's helpful? But also frustrating. I don't know if this will help you, but when I've had what I call "bad TBI days" (traumatic brain injury, for those who don't know who may be reading these comments), I've found that sometimes going back to bed to sleep for a couple of hours will somehow magically help my brain reset...or so it seems. But then, I live alone, and as you are well aware, sometimes our own ability to notice what's wrong can be quite impaired. But, at least for me, sometimes it seems to help...or often it does, but only sometimes do I remember this trick of the brain.

I'm so sorry that you have trouble remembering all your grandkids, but I'm definitely glad you know to practice their names every day and to look at their pictures. That's really, really important, IMO. Good for you! It is good that you are so smart and resilient, though I'm sure you often don't feel like it. But an injured person who decides to simply lie down and die is much harder to deal with, especially if it's all emotional and their body doesn't actually die with their attitude. Your eternal efforts to keep going, keep fighting, keep getting better not only help you actually gain ground, but they also help your family and friends stay resilient. No one wants to be the only one fighting. If you stop for any real length of time, likely they will as well. I know it's not easy, but I'm glad you are, at least most of the time, able to stay strong and keep fighting. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

Sep 26, 2022 at 12:19pm
In response to "An anniversary"

I'm glad you incorporate prayer into your healing process. Whether people want to believe in God or not, the evidence shows that people with faith tend to heal faster when they pray...and to live longer before they pass away if they do. Good for you! When I came back from Iraq, I returned with HORRIBLE survivor's guilt, so I didn't want to pray. I knew God loved me, but didn't want Him to. My healing journey might be much further along now if I hadn't spent several years hiding from God.

I LOVE that quote--Carry a light when soul-searching! AMAZING INSIGHT! And also, so very true!

I'd forgotten you wrote that, so I'm glad it came back up. Thank you!

Yeah, that whole "accepting the new normal" thing is horrible! I still haven't accepted mine.

But I think there are both good and bad parts to that. I do believe that we heal faster and better if we don't necessarily realize our limitations. Not saying that accepting them means they will never go away, but MAYBE they go away much more slowly...or at least that's what I like to tell myself when I'm busy not accepting my new normal.

Mind you, this new normal isn't all that new. My traumatic brain injury (TBI) happened 11 years ago now. And even a couple of days ago I discovered a new limitation I hadn't noticed before!

Though one good thing about the TBI is that I have a bad memory so that new limitation I discovered doesn't bother me anymore because I have already forgotten what it was.

I'm sure I'll redisover it again later. But in the meantime, it's probably better for me that I don't remember it.

WOW! "Always practice courage. One day you will need to be brave." So, your amazing quotes and insights are a genetic thing, huh? That is really profound! I LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing!!! "My Grandfather neglected to mention fear is the fuel for courage. My tank is full." Yep, that genetic talent is still inside of you, though it may be much harder to access these days. SO PROFOUND! THANK YOU!!!

Just a bit of information, there's this therapy called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (ACT). I refused to do it when originally offered because I told my provider I didn't want to accept my new normal. Well, first, whether I want to accept it or not, it is what it is. Second, that's not exactly how the therapy was going to go, so I've since learned. We studied ACT in my social work program and after I learned more about it, I really regretted not doing it sooner. I think it can really help set me free from the bindings I've put on my own self. I'm currently doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for traumas from Iraq. But after that, I think I'll embark on some ACT. It's good for me. I'll still have my problems, whether I address them or not. Not addressing them doesn't make them go away and out of everyone, I'm the one who suffers most from trying to run away from them. So, I need to take your grandfather's advice and practice some courage...or is this the time that I needed to practice for because now is when I need to finally be brave? Either way, I definitely need to stop doing just talk therapy and do some real work.

I know I keep saying this, but thank you for sharing your experiences and insights! I've learned so much about myself as well as you.

Thank you!

January 9, 2025 at 12:36pm

#1082172

I miss him too

I have to admit to some laziness lately. Audiobooks...

The audiobooks are convenient, but they remove some personal imagination from the story. At least for me. What do you think?

The same laziness has crept into my writing. I write half the word count now. The same can be said about this blog. I have thought about giving it up. But the journey isn't over. Learning to live with a brain injury is a daily struggle. Yesterday was a day that went horribly wrong. Laziness can also be an issue.

I pissed off my wife. I had a day where each decision went wrong. This happens sometimes. She hit a breaking point, and I do not blame her. My apologies only go so far. She vented on how much she misses the old me. Believe me, though I can't remember the old me, I miss him too. Life is hard. I don't acknowledge how hard it is on those who love me.

I do see this as progress. Learning or relearning communication is another skill in my reeducation. It is like graduating from the 8th grade. High School is around the corner. The lessons are more complicated and sometimes painful.

However, a time similar to my teen years looks like a struggle about to happen. No one told me the emotional side of recovery is as equal to the educational side. I learned a valuable lesson. I believe it will stick. My wife apologized and forgave me. As I told her, I do not think she owed me an apology. We both need to acknowledge that we are together and that it is ok to get frustrated. We shouldn't hold it in so long it has time to boil.

I am glad I don't have to go through puberty again; at least, I hope not.

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