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Thursday, Nov. 14, 2024

1:25am EST

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Le Voyage Magnifique

by Dave

Rated: 18+ · Book · Writing · #1236257

A log of the magnificent journey across the vast sea of my imagination.

A sig awarded for winning "The Anything Goes Poetry Contest"

A log of our magnificent journey.

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Dave

Sep 18, 2024 at 2:09pm
In response to "The Call"

Yes, a blending of recent newscasts inspired this one.

Kåre เลียม Enga

Sep 17, 2024 at 2:22pm
In response to "The Call"

Ouch. Too real for me today. I was homeless years ago and Montana has a high vet population struggling with personal issues. This literally could be today's headlines here.

1 Like

AnotherDreamer

Aug 26, 2024 at 3:19pm
In response to "Smorgasbord"

Thank you for reminding me. I can almost taste the salt in the air from here

1 Like

StephBee

Jun 4, 2024 at 6:51pm
In response to "Military Mom"

My comment is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem is a nice tribute to a military mother.

WHAT I LIKED

I can totally relate to this poem having served in the military myself. There are often times one worries and finds things to pass the time, but their loved one is never far from their hearts.

STRUCTURE

This is a villanelle. A villanelle is a highly structured poem with 5 tercets and ends with a quatrain. There are 2 repeating rythmes and 2 repeating refrains. The poem followed the structure. I thought the repeating refrains were very respectful and reverent. There's a nice rythme and flow when spoken outloud.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase font and make easier to read on the website.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: With steadfast devotion, she prays to relieve the anxiety" The description draws up a visual of a mother, prayerful, with a holy book, or a passage, heart on their sleeve, looking to find peace. It's a great description and taps into somber emotion well.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The title is a nice fit for the poem. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

[Visit the entry for more...]

StephBee

Dec 7, 2023 at 9:47pm
In response to "Thanksgiving Restoration"

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

Inspired by a quote from Henry van Dyke, the progresses from feeling, to expression to action inspired by a thanksgiving gathering.

WHAT I LIKED

I like how each stanza started with "I'm thankful for..." The repetition was as soothing as the sentiments expressed.

STRUCTURE

As per the notes, this is loosely based on a monchielle styled poem.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "the smell of Grammy's turkey dressing,"

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem progresses much like van Dyke's quote, from feeling to expression to action/being in the moment of a thanksgiving gathering.

[Visit the entry for more...]

Kåre เลียม Enga

Oct 30, 2023 at 1:36am
In response to "A Halloween Celebration"

Nice rhythm and alliteration! The rhymes work as well. Edit and versify and voila... you have a free-verse poem (or a prose poem) for Shadows & Light.

My dreamy brain... ghoulish? dark? My nightmares are definitely disturbing and don't always dissipate with daylight.

Needless to say, I like it.

Kåre เลียม Enga

May 19, 2023 at 9:25am
In response to "Poppies"

I do like it. The rhythm is nice. I appreciate bravery/Normandy/memory.

"because" doesn't work for me. No suggestions though.

1 Like

StephBee

Jan 5, 2023 at 5:40pm
In response to "SILENT NIGHT"

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM
A poem about the nature of the Christmas season.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the acrostic of "silent night" painted the beauty of winter.

STRUCTURE

This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no other suggestions. Nice word play. You can feel the weather nipping at your cheeks. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

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Dave

Jan 3, 2023 at 8:32am
In response to "The Gravel Path"

I am glad you posted this on the forum so everyone else can enjoy it.

1 Like

Kåre เลียม Enga

Jan 2, 2023 at 3:37pm
In response to "The Gravel Path"

I hurry down a grovel path
to hide from mighty blokes
residing where the mountains scream
at rabid city folks.

I soothe my wounds from acid tongues
among these squirrely butts
and count my blessings every time
White Rabbit brings me nuts.

K.E.

2 Like

April 3, 2023 at 5:34pm

#1047437

The Wonder of It All

The earth becomes a canvas for Mother Nature's art
when Heaven pours its bounty upon the ground
and then brushes flower garden with lots of sunshine,
'til sprouts of daffodils and pansies abound.

She paints my yard in vibrant green, gold, and magenta,
bejeweled with resplendent morning dew drops,
viewed with wonder from my perch in back porch rocking chair
while savoring scrumptious cherry lollipops.

Notes on the Doha form of poetry ▼

I've fallen in love with far away exotic lands,

images of elephants and slow dark eyes

beckon me to write a romantic Hindi Doha,

join me in invoking soft exotic sighs.

~~Tinker

Hindi poetry is a descendant of Sanskrit and is found primarily in the North, West and Central India. Hindi is the official language of India. The region is known for its romantic poetry.

The Doha is a Hindi stanzaic form employing a rhyming couplet with long syllabic lines. The Doha is also used in Urdu verse. This form often steps away from the Hindi tradition of romantic verse and can be written as didactic verse or used in longer narrative verse.

The elements of the Doha are:

1. stanzaic, written in any number of couplets.

2. syllabic, each line is made up of 24 syllables and is paused by caesura at the end of the 13th syllable, making the line two phrases of 13 and 11 syllables. The couplet can be arranged as a quatrain breaking the line at the caesura.

3. rhymed, aa bb cc

4. commonly used for proverbs and/or for longer narratives or didactic poetry.

Vanquished in the Night

The starless night drops down into the silent forest,

small creatures scurry to secure safe haven.

Peerless predators with eyes accustom to the dark,

stalking weaker prey with guile until craven.

~~Judi Van Gorder

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