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The catch-all for items related to and/or inspired by the music that shaped me. |
Music has played a role in nearly every situation of my life. This is where I'll be collecting items inspired by those moments- poems, lyrics, blog entries- the soundtrack of me. ![]() ![]() I may also contribute blog-style entries here from time to time:
And this month, I've decided to take part in... |
Hell Fire Club on Montpelier Hill, Ireland: The Hell Fire Club on Montpelier Hill ![]() The Hell Fire Club in Ireland was not for the mere mortal man. Members drank 'til they upchucked and critters were offered up; it's a miracle the place still stands. George Hormel wandered in from the dark and found rich old men playing cards. He dropped the Ace of Spades and much to his dismay a hoof to the teeth caught him stark. As he reached for his Proton Pack's trigger, his assailant exploded in fiery embers. The gun in Hormel's mitts was just a sharpened stick; Proton Packs weren't a thing 'til years later. ![]() ![]() |
THE WABASHA STREET CAVES, St. Paul, MN: During Prohibition, the caves hosted delinquent dignitaries such as John Dillinger and Ma Barker at its speakeasy, but not everyone left dancing the Charleston. The caves are said to be haunted by three gangsters who were massacred in a back room and buried under the cement floors. Owner Donna Bremer says her employees and guests have seen figures dressed in suits from the '20s, and strange mists float through the halls. A ghost bartender refills wine glasses and the apparition of a madam named Nina Clifford appears -- and disappears -- in full period costume. There's a bar in Wabasha County that's haunted by ghosts from the '20's. As I finished my beer, Madam Clifford appeared to fill my mug with a Spamtini. The barkeep was nowhere to be found as I took a good look all around. I was sitting alone drinking ham off the bone. Can ghosts be held liable if I drowned? When I finished my drink with a belch, bar stools and my stomach rattled Hells. An eerie voice boomed long "Pay your tab and be gone or your guts we'll serve next, Sir Hormel." ![]() ![]() |
You got those hunger pangs. The pantry is lacking things. There's one last resort... it's eating me, and it's eating up you. One ounce of every bite of my jellied ham will fill you up. One fork and one knife and your chewy mouth and tongue. And if you want salt, pour it on. Lord knows my contents don't have enough. Why eat out when you can eat in? This is a meal you won't forget. Your dinner is a can of ham. Your dinner is Spam (with a side of regret). Your dinner is a can of ham. Something about the way you jam me into your face... I love how you burp when you need to make more room when you clear your plate. You swallow me down and chase it with Clamato juice. You know it's the best indigestion you'll ever put yourself through. And if you're feelin' frisky just slather me with a healthy glob of mayonnaise. Between the bread slices there are no rules. There's bound to be leftovers for lunch. Your dinner is a can of ham. Your dinner is Spam (with a side of regret). Your dinner is a can of ham. Damn fatty... you polished off the can in one sitting, all by yourself. You're gonna poop so good it'll hurt. |
There are so many options for your plate but only one will stick. Don't go through so much trouble; you know what you're getting into with this. Oh yeah, you know what you will get! Stick with me; you know I care. I'm the one who'll get you there. When you're hungry 'cuz you're bored, just pop my tin and have some more. Eat it all! Eat me. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggedy-yeah! Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggity-yeah! I said eat me, I'll always be here. I never expire. Can of ham, can of love, can you overcome your hunger? You can! All-purpose food for all-purpose you. It's no secret I love you. It's no secret I feed you. Keep feedin'! Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggedy-yeah! Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggity-yeah! In a wince and a slurp I'm gone. Oh yeah oh! Before you know it I'm gone, but your grocery store has more. Before you know it I'm gone, but your grocery store has more. Before you know it I'm gone, but your grocery store has more. Before you know it I'm gone, but your grocery store has more. Don't ever doubt my presence. You know I'm not goin' anywhere. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggedy-yeah! Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggity-yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah oh oh... You know I'll always care. I fill you up beyond compare. If you have too much I'll still be there. Why? Because I care. Say my name! Spam! Oh I'm Spam; I'll always care. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggedy-yeah! Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giggity-yeah! You can't quit me because I'll never go away. I come in a can for a reason because I'll never go away. Don't tell me you're too good because you know that I'm too good. I'm the best alternative there is to all the sausages and bacons. Don't say you can quit me because I'll never go away. I'm too versatile to banish and you'll never let me go away. Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Spam cares...pop my top. Giggedy-yeah! Yummmm...pop...pop my top. Giddyup...eat me up. Spam cares...pop my top. Giggity-yeah! |
Haha you can't see inside me. Delicacies like me should have a warning. It's gelatinous and sodium... a heart attack you can taste up in your face. Toxic waste in a can. I'm killin' you. So gross, mangled pig... everything but the head, all the fats and additives now with a pull-top. Oh, my taste on your lips, you eat it up! I'm toxic, you're slippin' into a fat kid food coma and you're addicted. You don't care that I'm toxic. You just love me for the meat sweats. You don't care that I'm toxic. You're getting close. I'm almost gone. Juicy oils saturate what little's left. Slowly you're becoming me. Go get some more now. I need to be inside you now. You're so ready now. You're so ready now. Go get some more now. Fry me up in butter now. You're ready now. |
I almost left off "important" when making this list...because 1) the people I deem "important" may not be important to other people who read this; and 2) leaving it off would just be "people I've met", and that's kinda dull (no offense, people I've met ![]() 1) Doug Flutie ![]() 2) Martin Biron ![]() 3) Erno Rossi ![]() 4) Danny Neaverth ![]() 5) Brad Riter ![]() 6) Rob Ray ![]() ![]() 7) Rick Jeanneret ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Rayzor and RJ...calling Jack Eichel's game-winner in OOOOOOOOOVERTIIIIIIIIME! 8) .moneen. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 9) Slug from Atmosphere ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 10) Kirk Fucking Cameron ![]() ![]() Bonus Local Celebrity! 11) Don's mom from Airport Plaza Jewelers ![]() Yeah, I know...you probably haven't heard of most of these people. But I have, and it's my list, so whatever. Like I said, I haven't met too many really famous important people. I'm just not really into that whole celeb-chasing thing. |
Well, this could get kinda tricky...I've seen House Rules on a couple other lists, but I live basically by myself in a rented room so really, the rules only apply to me and there are no rules. But I've also lived in different environments with different people, so I think what you're gonna end up seeing now are a combination of rules I used to live by with former roommates and ex-girlfriends. Also, from a rules perspective, I'm (in my opinion) pretty easy to live with. I'm easygoing and pretty much DGAF unless you're really starting to piss me off. And if that's the case, you should probably avoid the basement ![]() Also also...these rules are subject to change based on the situation and my preferences. ![]() 1) Take your shoes off at the door. Or don't. I really don't care. That was more my ex's thing, and it applied to everyone except me, because rules don't apply to me. See, here's the real issue: if you have a "Take your shoes off at the door" policy at your place, I'm leavin' my kicks on. I used to be really self-conscious about my feet stank (and for good reason, but now it seems like a non-existent thing)...ain't no street meat I could possibly drag in on the soles of my shoes that was worse than me in just my socks. And now, it's just a matter of convenience. I hate tying my shoes, and I'm really starting to dislike even putting them on and taking them off, because it's just so much work. I'd rather not, kthanks. 2) If you listen to a cd, put it back where you found it. DMFM was the worst offender. I kept my cds in those big books...the ones that would hold 200+. I had six or seven of them, and they were arranged by genre. I know, who does that? Me, that's who. Anyway, Dave would come over, looking for something specific, and then he'd just start leaving cds all over the fucking place, so my tv, coffee table, stereo cabinet, and living room in general looked like a graveyard for listened-to emo classics. Because Dave only came over it seemed when I was listening to hip hop or something "not Dave-friendly", as he would put it. And I'm one of those "it's not lost if I know where it is" types, who can find the random shit quickly if it's where I last put it. 3) Do not leave less than one serving in the box/pitcher/carton/container. Fucking kids...if you have kids, they're the fucking worst about this. On that one day you really want a bowl of cereal, they will be sure to leave you with approximately 2.5 teaspoons of Cheerios in the box. But that's ok, because they also left one and a half swallows of milk in the god damn carton too. 4) Rinse the sink. Why do people have such a hard time brushing their teeth? I see how much toothpaste is used in ads and commercials...when in reality you only need to use 1/4th of that amount. Yet I'll walk into people's bathrooms and it's like someone tried to battle the faucets with lasers that shoot streams of Crest. And you'd think I was talking about five-year-olds...naw homie, I'm talkin' 'bout grown-ass men. And it's not like they were fighting the tube to get the last couple pumps out at the end or something...there's still half a mangled tube left! And people who don't squeeze from the bottom of the tube also piss me off. And while we're on the topic of sinks (and this applies to bathtubs too, ladies), if you shave, clean your nasty deposited hair outta there, drain included. No one wants to see your stubble littering the place like the Stubble Fairy sprinkled magical hair trimmings around during the razor party. Be considerate. 5) Don't ask me if you can have something to eat. This is rule #1 from my very first apartment...I understand your wanting to be polite and shit, but this is a fridge, and these are the cabinets. It's not a museum. If you're hungry, eat. Just clean up after yourself. 6) Don't open doors. This pertains to closets and bedrooms. Look, I'm not really that private of a person, and I don't have a whole lot to hide, nor am I really a messy person, but respect the sanctity of my privatest places y'all. If I thought it was potentially your business, it'd be more easily accessible. And nobody likes a nosy snoop. 7) Don't bother me if I'm in the bathroom. Like many people, I'm a deep thinker when I'm in the shower. I can't be interrupted, or else I might slip and drown (I have a deep paranoia of falling in the shower). There is not one emergency that can't wait for me to dry off and maybe put some clothes on. Also, I like peace and quiet...and sometimes the best way to enjoy that is while snappin' off a log, if ya know what I'm sayin'. I like to read a magazine or occasionally partake in a crossword puzzle, especially if I know I'm about to settle in for a good poop. I would be less mad if you barged in on me having sex just to tell me you finally beat the computer while playing Madden on your Xbox than I'd be if you knocked on the door while I was takin' a shit to tell me a SWAT Team was on our premises looking for three escaped serial killers lurking in our kitchen...that's how strongly I feel about that. 8) If it's just you and I sharing, double-dipping is ok. If you and I are huddled up with a jar of hummus and you wanna double-dip, it's fine with me. Chances are, I know where your mouth's been. And if I didn't like you, I wouldn't bother sharing my food with you anyway. To paraphrase some meme my brother shared on Facebook a few weeks back, we live in a society where it's ok sexually to lick other people's buttholes, but we get all bent out of shape over double-dipping. Priorities, y'all. 9) If I invite you over, don't assume it's a party. If you wanna bring other people through with you, that's cool...just clear it with me first. That way, I don't let you in while just wearing my boxers with my half-eaten box of Triscuits and my newspaper sprawled all over the place while porn plays randomly in the background. 10) Use your phone in the other room. Or not at all, if you're comin' over to hang out with me. But that's kinda how I am with phones in general though...I always hated being on the phone with other people around. Not because I wanted to be sneaky, but because I get distracted easily when I'm trying to focus on one conversation, and I don't want to be rude to anyone else in the room who has to put up with my voice already, and it's not being directed toward them. So, I guess that's it. See...I'm the perfect roommate/house guest/live-in romantic interest! I'm considerate and clean and shit! Let's party! |
I know I've done "Poems I've Written Recently" in this spot already for "Invalid Item" ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 1) "Federalsexuals" ![]() 2) "Back To The Drawing Board" ![]() 3) "Retronym" ![]() 4) "Go Blue" ![]() 5) "My Evil Plan Is In Action!" ![]() ![]() 6) "Nods" ![]() ![]() 7) "We Can't Stop Yes We Can" ![]() ![]() 8) "The Intricacies Of Species" ![]() 9) "Summer Girls" ![]() 10) "Made Out Of Ghosts" ![]() Anyway, that's another list. Hopefully I can bang out a few more today that are at least a little more original. ![]() |
Firsts. I like how this is categorized in "Invalid Item" ![]() ![]() First... 1) Teacher: Mrs. Ayer, I think. I'm not totally sure on the spelling. She was my kindergarten teacher, and we shared a double room with Mrs. Bayer...and I only remember this because their names rhymed. I remember all of my elementary and middle school teachers, actually...and if pressed I could probably rattle off my junior high and high school schedules too (but that'd take awhile, and really, who cares?). 2) Job: Besides paper routes? Right after I turned 15 I started working at Arby's in the Galleria Mall. My aunt was an assistant manager (who eventually became the head manager) and got a couple of us jobs there. I think I spent almost a year and a half there. Typical fast food job, and because I was so young I could only work three or four hour shifts. But the mall was super busy, especially on weekends and holidays. And I love my Canadian friends, but y'all terrorized our mall! ![]() 3) Kiss: Awww, little Debbie. So adorable. The friend of a friend's sister. She was dating this jerkoff, and I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike ![]() 4) Real Kiss: Heather from the neighborhood. Knew her...forever. Beautiful. I was probably 14, maybe 15? And she was only a year or two younger. We were hangin' out and decided we were bf/gf, like kids do sometimes, I guess. And that first day, when it was time for us to go home, we hugged and went in for the kiss, and it just...happened. I was so used to not kissing a girl like that that it was a surprise. The next day in school, between classes, I went in for the kiss thinking it'd be the same thing...it was decidedly not ok because we were in a crowded hallway full of people, as opposed to an empty fire hall parking lot that doesn't even exist anymore (only in Buffalo will they destroy a parking lot to build houses ![]() 5) Boobs And Stuff: Ellen had a Nintendo and lived a block over, in the house next to the house behind mine. There was a cool little shortcut between a fence that I could use to get to her house instead of going all the way around the block. I also slipped her a spare key to my house, and when my mom left for work in the morning she came over on my 16th birthday to make me crepes for breakfast...dressed in lingerie. But she had a boyfriend, so she didn't wanna have sex. I understood, because I'm a silly boy. 6) Time: Lynn was a Catholic school cheerleader...her and some of her friends showed up at one of my school's dances with friends of some of my friends. We were all talkin', and then a slow song came on so I took a chance and asked her to dance. We started makin' out on the dance floor...and I asked her what her name was when we stopped because I'm also a stupid boy. So we started dating, and my friends were amazed that I was with a cheerleader. We were both 16-year-old virgins, nervous and close. It was actually a really good experience, to be honest...not like horror stories I'd heard and imagined (although it wasn't the most romantic of settings either). It was everything after that that drove the relationship to shit...I became a jerk, and she very systematically dumped me at my junior prom because she was about to have heart surgery soon or was seeing someone else from her school, or both. It was both. 7) Car: I didn't get my license until I was...19, I think? Long story. When I was in college the first time around, I was also working at the Arby's by my house (I know...I had multiple Arby's stints ![]() 8) Concert: I was 10 or 11, and it was the Monkees' reunion tour in the eighties (without Mike Nesmith). My aunt in Connecticut, who flew us out every summer for a week, took us. 'Weird Al' Yankovic opened, and it was on one of those rotating stages, which was really cool. 9) Adult Concert: Summer of '94...Metallica, with Danzig and Suicidal Tendencies at Darien Lake. Went with a new neighborhood friend and my best friend from high school, who had just finished up his first year at VMI. It was pretty amazing...years later I would run into so many people who had also said they were at that show. 10) Real Job: After deciding I didn't want to work in fast food anymore, my aunt used her mall connections to get me an interview at Koenig Sporting Goods, a regional company that basically sold sneakers and workout clothes and exercise equipment (like a smaller Dick's ![]() Anyway, now you know more about me than you probably ever cared to know. Sorry/not sorry about being so personal. I didn't really know how else to attempt this "History" idea. |
Ok, so I'm not sure technically which category this would fall under for "Invalid Item" ![]() So I'm gonna list some of my favorite Shakespeare quotes, which I'm lifting from both a Goodreads blog post ![]() ![]() 1) "If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die." Twelfth Night 2) "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages." As You Like It 3) "My hands are of your color, but I shame to wear a heart so white." Macbeth 4) "'I can see he's not in your good books,' said the messenger. 'No, and if he were I would burn my library.'" Much Ado About Nothing 5) "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." As You Like It 6) "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." All's Well That Ends Well 7) "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves." Julius Caesar 8) "My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late. Prodigious birth of love it is to me, That I must love a loathed enemy." Romeo and Juliet 9) "You speak an infinite deal of nothing." The Merchant of Venice 10) "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." Hamlet O'l Bill had some words to live by I guess. Shoulda paid more attention all those years ago ![]() |