Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/blog/rhychus/day/9-18-2023

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Journal of a Spaced-Out Brain -poetry-

by Vanishing Vapor

Rated: E · Book · Writing · #2207307

You are a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14

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10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Kåre เลียม Enga

Jul 11, 2024 at 7:23pm
In response to "My cat rests on my pillow"

This is why you need two pillows

.

Or to put it another way... a wise cat always provides an extra pillow for their servant.

1 Like

Wordsmitty ✍️

Jul 11, 2024 at 7:13pm
In response to "My cat rests on my pillow"

So true. ( It's really the cat's pillow.

)

1 Like

Spirit🍁🍂Writer

Jun 22, 2024 at 12:17pm
In response to "Wish for Summer Snow"

Yikes Kare that's quite a big change 😲.

To respond to the blog, I enjoyed your descriptions and contrast of the seasons!
Very nice 🙂👍 and caught my eye. Write ✍️ on!

Kåre เลียม Enga

Jun 21, 2024 at 3:18pm
In response to "I'll Scream within my Dream"

Time to consider entering this or one of your other recent poems into Poetic Traditions (as you have before).

Nicely done.

Kåre เลียม Enga

Jun 21, 2024 at 1:21pm
In response to "Wish for Summer Snow"

I went from 108 to 35 when I came back to Montana. And yes, it snowed; but, now the heat will finally settle in at the end of June. Oh, how we suffer.

At least in Thailand we had a/c. I will wilt next week.

1 Like

Vanishing Vapor

Dec 17, 2023 at 5:42pm
In response to "Hindsight"

If Christianity is true, would you like to know?

Kåre เลียม Enga

Dec 17, 2023 at 12:58am
In response to "Hindsight"

My body will feed the worms; my soul will return to its Source.

I'm not Christian so I look at things differently than most folks here at WDC.

Kåre เลียม Enga

Nov 19, 2023 at 9:09am
In response to "Temptation"

Wonderful rhythm and rhyme. It rolls... And yes, spiders need to eat too. They know where to dine... or they starve.

1 Like

Kåre เลียม Enga

Oct 29, 2023 at 1:19am
In response to "Kidder"

I really like this as is but I share some thoughts:

Now go the hell away. Very good use of this line. I'd make it the title unless a specific event or place comes to mind. Like "Workshop, May 32nd, Highway-to-Hell, Nevada".

I'd find active verbs for each use of 'is' and replace each 'the'. Like "May's sky screams blue; Spring's sea blooms green". This provides a season and action, sound, something.

Could use a grammar check unless you like it as is. Grammar is less important in poetry; this isn't an essay. For a definite pause (like for rhythm) you can use an emdash instead of a comma like: "I kid you not — nature's obscene,"

To add "darkness" to it... this is that season...

Explorers with lost souls explore,
Search worlds they've never searched before,
They'll kid you not — forevermore,
Now go the hell away.

1 Like

Vanishing Vapor

Aug 11, 2023 at 12:30pm
In response to "The Lighthouse of Whispers"

Whispers the names of all that suffered because of one's bad choices so that pain is returned.

September 18, 2023 at 5:18pm

#1055922

Falling on a sword

if you ever feel

alone in this world

know you never were

and always are free bodies

inside trodden earth

whisps of dust

the real us

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