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| So, to be clear the Merit Badge giveaway isn't to do with Easter, or eggs. On the new badge I shall be giving away soon, Graham is portraying James Blond, and sporting a very natty tuxedo I may add. So the giveaway might have something to do with a certain spy's reputation for one liners... Straighted not curled! |
| I eagerly look forward for the surprise.. |
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| As Graham James Bond would say, "Shocking. Positively shocking." |
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Who doesn't love spy puns?!  |
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| Could it be that a merit badge giveaway is in the offing folks? Who would like a free Graham the Guinea Pig badge? What hoops will you have to jump through to get one? Why is his lettuce straightened and not curled? Why so many questions? Where is all this leading? Soon all will be revealed to be clear as mud! |
| Look, I reckon it's gonna be easy. First, you have to go the Mr A's portfolio and find the second ever review given to him by a sentient piece of furniture (careful! he received two in the same hour!). Go to this person's (?) portfolio where you will see a series of AI produced images of TV stars dressed as the characters from My Mother The Car. Found that? Good. Click on the one which has Jennifer Aniston as Captain Manzini. This will take you to a different portfolio. Find the poem extolling the virtues of letting guinea pigs rule the world. Using the Polybius coding system, you should be able to work out the secret message embedded by the numbers in the poem. This message will lead you to a certain telephone box on Flinders Street, Melbourne Australia (careful! there is a very similar on in Adelaide as well!). Wait there until you receive a phone call from some-one who will only say, "Gweep." When this occurs, an Australian Post representative will appear and give you a sub-economy class ticket to the Marshall Islands, a land ruled by penguins (bastards!), and a particularly large member of this flightless avian species will tell you where to go next via interpretative dance. This is the last place on your journey, and if you get to this place between 2:13am and 2:16am, a smiling quokka will give you the name of the person who need to give a dead fish to in order to receive your merit badge. Not so much jumping through hoops as a stroll in a park. |
AmyJo-Spring's finally here!  - PASS... Ishtar (using the Hebrew word for Easter) is an abomination. Roman fertility eggs were mixed in with the passover during ancient times. It is very offensive and should be a practice that should be stopped. Easter is when Jesus died on the cross and rose 3 days later. Nothing more than that. We should stop celebrating a pagan Roman right. |
| S 🤦 - What is terrifying is how close to being absolutely correct this is. The dead fish has to be a Coelacanth or it doesn't work, and it IS the Adelaide phone box that you want, other than that - spot on. |
| How could you do that? I mean. come on people. You've voted him in before. Knowing what you knew, you actually voted him in again??? Seriously. Now he's free to mumble strange sentences, indulge in odd imaginings expand his already grossly inflated ego. How could you do it folks? How? Ahem. Thank you for voting me Best Newsfeed Contributor... again! |
Aww, shucks. I thought you were talking about  for a sec Whatever you get, you fully deserve, old pal    |
| As long as you don't adopt some strange egomanic (if that isn't a word, it should be) sidekick, I will admit (quietly) that I was confused, dazzled, and under the impression that I was voting for guinea pig civil rights. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Congratulations! |
| I'm sure that S 🤦 will have no difficulty in believing this story from BBC News https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn5xx036p4vo |
| (There is a reason for taxing uninhabited islands, if anyone is interested.) I still say penguins are adorable!   And if they'd taxed my cat's poop growing up, maybe mom wouldn't have made me clean out the litterbox. lol |
Schnujo's Giving Away GPs  - I understand that if it's a territory, it would be included as a formality... Got a mini lecture for us? I'm all ears  |
I read an article about it, Amethyst Angel 💐  . It's more about liars saying they caught fish from areas that aren't taxed when the fish really came from countries that are. That's the bare basics of it. There was more to it, but you get the point. It wasn't simply as crazy as it first sounds. Like most things, if you dig deeply enough, there's a reason. You may not agree with it, but people typically act/react for a reason. The Falkland Islands had some similar issues with people trying to dodge purchasing a commercial fishing license by fishing along the boundaries, but when the fish were inside the boundary, they'd go in, hoping not to get caught. Commercial fishing licenses are the #1 income source for the Falklands, so they take that very seriously. But it's impossible for such a tiny country to police such a huge territory. |
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
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| I've been studying hard, cramming even, all towards my final genetic engineering exam.... I just passed with flying koalas. (Stolen from my favourite blog - it was too good to resist.) |
| The Budleigh and Salterton Cruet: Rumours are abounding that another merit badge may have been commissioned by the highly secretive organisation that does things like that sometimes. Hopes are high that the latest badge, said to be strongly related to the Mississippi Organisation's reboot of the James Blond frank size, will be ready in time for another merit badge giveaway. Graham was rumoured to have responded to questions with a characteristic "Gweep!" |
| GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): Why do you think we had to come to Australia when the villain is in Paris Graham? GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Not that this isn't a lovely beach mind you, no complaints here. A GUINEA PIG NAMED GWENDOLYN: I think it's so you can meet us dear. A GUINEA PIG NAMED TERESA: That's right, we're the Blond Girl. A NEVER BEFORE SEEN GUINEA PIG NAMED DOROTHY: Hello Boys! A BEEHIVE HAIR PIECE: ... GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Well that explains the mangos on the menu, help yourselves ladies, they're delicious. Ralph: Hey Toby, it says here we've got to Quarrel. Toby: No it doesn't. Ralph: It does, right here. Look! Toby: It says 'Ralph: Ah! Here's Quarrel Toby. Ralph (Looks self conscious and puts on his reading glasses): Oh, so it does, sorry old chap. Toby: Not to worry, where is Quarrel by the way, does anyone know. Graham: Won't be here. They did cast someone, but he's been cancelled. Been accused of something awful. Dorothy: That's awful. Graham: That's what I said. Dorothy: What was he convicted of? Graham: Nothing whatsoever. Teresa: These mango's are rather yum aren't they. Toby: Hey are those sea shells that beehive is carrying? Graham (Harking back to happier days when usually all he said was 'Gweep'): She sells sea shells on the sea shore, because then there's no overheads, like you'd get with a store. Ralph: When do we get to the action? Friendly Neighborhood Derg : Hello again little guinea pigs. Ralph: I didn't know there was a dragon in this film? Graham: Oh yes, Dr. Meow uses it to frighten simple fishermen away from his island. Toby: Dr. Meow? I thought the villain was The Importance of Being Ernest Blowpipe. Teresa: Oh no Toby, there's all sorts of re-writing going on at the moment. Ralph (With a certain sense of foreboding): Is it still Minty's uncle Herb writing the script? Graham: In association with Angus Brosnigag, yes. Friendly Neighborhood Derg : It says here that I'm to get you over to South Korea where you'll meet a sexy Russian cypher clerk played by three beautiful guinea pigs and a beehive hair piece. So we'd better get going. |
Adherennium  - Oooo! *raises hand* I know! I know! Pick me! Went to the beach Everybody had matching towels! Somebody went under the dock There they found a rock It wasn't a rock It was a ROCK LOBSTER! |
| Okay, so if I'm understanding everything, this is not a documentary about porcupines? I do, however, have something to add: What is James Bond’s favorite pasta…? Mini Penne |
| In keeping with my observation yesterday that I am currently disinclined to make myself laugh on health grounds, the following will not be funny. A doctor, a bricklayer and a professional ornithologist all walked into a bar. And you have to ask "Does no one look where they are going these days?" |
| You have to admire the way bodies go out of their way to screw up your day. Despite having a chest infection I went to work today, and began by doing some of the jobs I didn't get done yesterday, (we're closed on Mondays, but I sometimes go in to doing cleaning and preparation.) I'd just put the laundry on when a fit of coughing took me unawares. The sudden spasm this produced pulled the small of my back. I could barely walk for the next hour, when some pain killers kicked in. Still, you have to laugh don't you. Actually I hope not because at present laughing leads to coughing, leads to more pain. As I usually laugh at my own jokes, I have elected not to write any James Blond nonsense till I'm feeling better. I have the next two days off, so hopefully I can get myself on the mend. |
| Here is an article from our local newspaper the 'Buddleigh Salterton Daily Cruet': It was close encounters of the third kind for Arthur (Jonesy) Lakeland as he staggered home from an evening of fine wines and delicate repasts in his much frequented hostelry, 'The Cheese & Drainpipe' after regulars had spent a desperate couple of hours after 11 p.m. closing time, trying to discover where the door was. Parched customers, who were desperate to get home for a nice cup of tea had to be sustained by a constant supply of shorts, to keep their flagging spirits up and down their gullets. Arthur swears he hadn't had above 8 or 9 shots of rum, 12 or 13 at the outside, no more than twenty certainly, so what he saw could have in no way have been attributable to his drinking. "I was having a meditative moment of spiritual union with the universe, and had just pulled my zip up when I heard this strange sound, and then a flying saucer shaped like a gigantic teapot landed in the field. Course the cows went spare with fear and were rushing around like crazy, so it wasn't surprising that all three of the little green men slipped on their way to talk to me. They were tall and grey with great long arms and three spindly fingers. When they got to me, I waited with bated breathalyser to see what their first words would be. 'Whoa man, that was one Zxhibbit of a journey. Take us to your weed man.' One of them said, so I pointed them in the way of Dave (Smithy) Humbolt, who takes care of all my weed needs, and they were soon on their way. The field is still filled with cow flop - which is a piece of evidence skeptics can't ignore." |
| Friendly Neighborhood Derg - Huh. I've been called spacey, but never spaceist before. Honestly, I'm not sure what else we have to offer them anyway. |
| TOTALLY NOT THE REAL CHRIS HEMSWORTH, REMEMBER FOLKS - YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST (M): Miss KaChing, when you've quite finished flirting please send in Oh Oh Oh (It's magic). A QUOKKA NAMED ROSIE (Miss KaChing - you know - like when a till is used - it's a reference to commerce and... I'm trying too hard aren't I?): Yes Sir. In you go Ralph, Toby, Graham, Toupee, he's expecting you. (Ralph gives Rosie a lingering look) GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Who's flirting? I wasn't flirting, were you Graham. Toupee it wasn't you was it? GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Hush Toby, it's what our character does - flirt with the ladies. Toby: Is it? I didn't know there even were any ladies in this. Graham: Of course there's ladies, there's Miss Mone.. erm, I mean KaChing, and then there's the Blond girl, played by three gorgeous lady guinea pigs and a beehive hairpiece. M: Now then Blond, I'm about to send you on your most hair raising adventure ever. It appears Blowpipe, is it Blowpipe or Bagpipe? Graham: Blowpipe. M: Blowpipe (thanks), has set himself up in a Paris Salon, from where he has been organising a series of daring robberies. The police have been combing the area but they've not come up with anything. We want you to fly to Sydney to do a set piece, then work your way back to Paris via North Korea, no sorry South Korea, Bombay and Berlin. Ralph: Why don't we just head straight to Paris. M; Don't be absurd Blond, time is of the essence, so you'd better get going. Don't forget to get in the queue for gadgets before you go. |
| I wonder if Blond will have any layovers during his flight? Do you think he could bring me an autographed photo of Miss Mone.. erm, I mean KaChing? I suppose not, since he's traveling to Paris post haste. |
| Fun fact - all 3 Hemsworth brothers are actually swoll kangaroos in very realistic human suits. It's true. All Australians know this. And Liam Hemsworth is one of the few grand masters of the ancient martial art of Cor Blimey, the only known defence against drop bears. Rumours also state that Chris Hemsworth learnt his award-winning smile (Kids' Choice Awards, 2021) from a friendly quokka named Barry. Australians are proud of our Hemsworths, and there are some who are trying to establish active breeding programmes so they don't become extinct. Surprisingly, there does not seem to be a shortage of volunteers to help out in this regard. |
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