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I know the scented candle I lit was strong when my father walked into my room and I nearly had to sign an affidavit to convince him that I did not actually take the apple pie.
It is amazing how effectively my mind was able to convince me that I did not have enough time to spend ten minutes going over what I'm grateful for...

...as I'm spending several hours watching people beat Final Fantasy VIII while arbitrarily restricting themselves from using certain game mechanics.
200 words is nothing. 200 words a day is slow af. 200 words a day for an entire year is a novel.
I wanted to write a touching moment where the hero was laying on the ground in defeat, and the love interest offers him a hand to pull him back up onto his feet.

Then I realized the hero was standing up the whole time because I forgot to write him actually laying down.
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That's too funny!
In an age long gone, recounted in chronicles that remind us of a simpler time...

...radio stations didn't start playing Christmas music until after today.
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If you've never walked up to an automatic door and gently waved your hand to pretend you opened the door with the Force, then I'm sure you're a great person but we can never be friends.
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I find your lack of faith... disturbing *Pthb*
pretend?
My biggest problem with the 9-to-5 work life is that it has no regard for the challenges I face in waking up early due to my desire not to wake up early.
The people you think are judging you at the gym are not judging you because they are too busy worrying about whether you are judging them, which you are not because you are too busy worrying about whether they are judging you.

Unless you work out naked. Then everybody is judging you: https://www.foxnews.com/us/nude-man-caught-working-out-at-planet-fitness-thought...
Is there a free online calculator I can use to calculate the precise amount of A's, H',s and exclamation marks to properly convey an intentional scream as a response to being spotted during a stealth section, which is meant to be a signal to your hidden backup to reveal himself to start the fight, and also to momentarily distract the guard who just spotted you?

I'm sure there must be. They have calculators for everything. I even found a free online calculator that can determine the precise amount of calories I didn't burn during that workout that I'll definitely do tomorrow next week after the holidays.
Once upon a time I was having a conversation about deadlines, and Bastille Day came up, and when I was asked about it, I said vive la France to prove that I knew what Bastille Day was.

And now there is a judge on the Indiana Court of Appeals who is under the impression that I can speak French.

So I guess I need to learn French.
If life were a video game, then apparently I'm being played by someone who is trying to get the "unlock all bad endings" achievement.
The adventures of repeatedly having to stop writing to scroll up because I keep forgetting the names of characters I just introduced three paragraphs ago.
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To borrow a line from 1967's The Graduate: "I just want to say one word to you...just one word: Post-Its." *BigSmile*
After digging through my collection of childhood video games, I found a game that prides itself on being a first-person shooter with no violence. This declaration is emblazoned on the back of the box as a key selling point.

The game is rated "E10" for mild violence.
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What's the name of it?
For Halloween this year, I will be dressing up as the ghost of the time I wasted trying to please people who already made up their minds about me.
Q: If "math" is short for "mathematics," then shouldn't we say "math are fun"?
A: No, because lying is wrong.
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