Wow, I haven't written anything that was good enough to post here in a while. For a long time, ie the past couple months, I haven't been able to put my words together into cohesive thoughts, but I was just too distraught, I think. In the way my muse put it, 'I don't think that every rainy day can be turned into sunshine and rainbows, you're right. But let me help you clear the clouds.' Then again, you can't shoo away clouds if someone clings to them with all their might, so I have to let them be cleared away. My words are finally being put back together, and my world is following.
I think the hardest part about growing up is trying to figure out who you are and where you fit. I don't know how or where I fit in in society, as a person, in many different ways.
If you're in search of On the House, note that the individual chapters have been taken down, and the entire story compiled into one book, and just a warning, it's multiple thousands of words long. (Into the Ashes is in the works!)
Sometimes I have poetry oozing out my pores, sometimes it's tons of fiction/fantasy, and sometimes I have no inspiration and waste my life staring at a blank screen.
Joining a new fandom (Phandom) is always exciting... more people to obsessively ship, another way to ruin and waste my life...lovely. In all honesty though, I don't mind.
I care a little more for him than as a friend, I have no idea how he feels about me, if his flirting means something, or if that's just the way he is. When he said I looked pretty, did he mean it, or was he being nice; when I was told he said I was hot, was I being pranked.
He still has a crush on me, I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. We flirt on a constant basis, and according to everyone, we act like a couple. Was he messing with me when he said he still cared; was he joking when he said he thought I was beautiful, like I've dealt in the past?
When you've been hurt, you stop trusting people not to hurt you. Do you take a chance? What do you do when you like someone, but don't know how they feel? What do you do when someone likes you, but don't know how you feel? It's a dual edged sword, and I would go to the ends of the earth for either of them, I would for any of my friends, but I honestly have no way of knowing if I'm being punked, if I should go for it and ask someone out, if I should give someone another chance. Nowadays, it's all one big mess, and that's something I have to face head on.
In all honesty, I love bookstores. Thousands of musty pages of knowledge and literature, saturated with the smell of ink dappled pages. Yes, e-readers are convenient, and e-books are often cheaper, but they do not compare with the feel of a book in your hand. Turning the page, eyes skimming, analyzing, understanding, feeling, and in a tangible form that's yours to hold. On a kindle, you read over and over, and it doesn't show. It doesn't have creased catty corners, a well worn spine, and pages crinkly crackling with age. Does technology offer a reasonable replacement for beloved books, with enrapturing words built with character as every reader flips through pages?
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