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| I have trouble remembering conversations verbatim. Always have. There is one comment amongst the cruel accusations and comments that is burned in my mind. In my heart. He said, "Mom said you would be like this". It was not long ago that my daughter berated me for what she perceived as a conversation that put her and her family in a poor light with my sister. I am still unsure of what I supposedly said. In no way did I believe I was putting her in a poor light. I am just not sure. Back to her son, my grandson, his disrespect and often disdain for assisting me during my recovery, was apparent. His comment spoke volumes. My daughter does not respect me. Her family does not respect me. While I am not a psychologist, I am on the verge of seeing my daughter as narcissitic. She seems to know better than anything I say or do. And, it seems, that she has passed her view of me on to her son. The pain is slowly killing me inside. I am becoming numb from grieving. I already am grieving saying goodbye to my husband two years ago and my dad one year ago. My husband's absence is a daily reminder of my loss and how much I miss him. My body's increasing fatigue and pain is a reminder. He was my rock. My strentgh and my encourager. He is no longer here and more the better for him but not for me. Grieving a relationship is different. It is grieving a relationship you deeply desire with someone you love but knowing that relationship does not exist and realizing that the person you love may be encapable of have such a relationship. With every visit and conversation, the painful barbs remind me of the loss. Of what I will not have even with others I love that are under her influence. It hurts. The comment my grandson made leaves me with the thought that she has not hesitated to poison the waters toward me in my grandson's mind. It will not not be long before she will do tne same with the two younger grandchildren. Visits and conversations with her are toxic to me and I need space from her and her family for a long time. This relationship is a reflection of my childhood. My parents were very critical and overbearing. But worse, I know my parents have said things to her about me. Instead of supporting me, those around me were silent or worse, support her critism. I started my own bed of painful relationships and loneliness. I need to come to terms with what has beenvcreated. Take care of me and put distance between myself and those who show no respect or regard for me. |
| I am new to writing but want to start. I am interested in history, family history, politics, and christianity. |
Ooh, if you're interested in family history, definitely check out "Roots & Wings Group"  which is a group for anyone interested in family history or genealogy. It has a monthly historical fiction contest too.  |
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truly sorry about what you're experiencing. I relate. perception plays a crucial role in all this. It’s easy to misinterpret or assume intentions that aren't there. Few approach to just ask questions, mediate, to get to resolution. Unfortunate, unresolved experiences just intensify emotion to knee jerk react.
Taking time for yourself. Don’t let it further harm. A break from family will be good. You’re number one.
You have an opportunity to act with empathy. You don’t have to own any assigned shame/guilt (especially without explanation). just know they struggle just the same. Encourage her to share her perspective as well. Listening is all you need to do. The goal is not to prove who's right but to bridge the gap in understanding.
It may be necessary to create space for yourself. This doesn't mean cutting off ties entirely but setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
You mentioned the impact of childhood experiences on your adult relationships. Me, too. Kind of a PTSD few will acknowledge. past experiences do influence present reactions and choices. I get therapy, but not much longer. It helped me sort stuff out. I found out I’m not who others say I am. I wore the guilt without knowing how I’ve wronged my whole life, because I’m atypical, and for that, bullied and abused into compliance, silence and became a loner.
self-care during challenging times includes grieving. Grieving a relationship is valid and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist provide solace and guidance. You deserve respect and love.
So, write, if nothing else. Therapeutic. And if people don’t peek at those private notes, no harm done. Just get it out. You’ll get clarity.
You did nothing wrong. Don’t own it. Empathize with them. You are not alone in facing challenging situations, family and the like. Now, if you have gaslighters, I got a whole other speech.
Be well.
✌️ 🙏 🧘
Much respect for sharing, as I aim in my own struggles to detangle all these cords that I Willy-Nilly plug in, with a more organized approach to life for me.
Thanks for the vine, as well.