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| This was a beautiful Christmas Day. It's now that time when the sun is below the horizon and the sky has the purplish glow of dusk. The Christmas lights are on. Memories of childhood are creeping around in my head and heart of this time of day in Christmases past. I remember feeling tired and full, warm and happy, and safe under the glow of the Christmas tree lights with opened boxes of presents strewn underneath. Now I'm an adult, long past those childhood years. On this Christmas Day I feel tired and full, warm and happy, but no longer safe. My mother has since passed and my father has probably celebrated his last Christmas. Soon my siblings and I will be the elders of the family. Instabilities abroad and at home, and in my job, keep me awake at night. I long for that innocent childhood hopefulness, with the certainty that I would sleep well at night and wake up the next day to loving parents and new toys and clothes. As an adult, I've learned that nothing is certain except that I can control how I feel, how I react, how I treat others. I must learn to create that safe feeling again and never let it go, regardless of what happens. I will conjure my faith in God and count all my blessings: loving siblings, good friends, a cuddly kitty, a roof over my head, a car that works, and the best husband I could ever hope for. I wish for you all a happy, loving, fulfilling, and safe new year. |
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