This piece really speaks to the heart and it is quite evident that the writer is enamored with its subject.
The diction is true to form in relaying the heartfelt message of being in love with another. I enjoyed the simplicity and honest emotions expressed throughout this piece. Who amongst us that has ever been in love hasn't experienced these emotions?
On a technical response, the word realize is spelled wrong but it doesn't take away from the body of the poem.
If I may make a suggestion...it would be to use endstops and endjambment. I am includind a link to help with the understanding of how they may make more of a power point to your piece. Here's the link: http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides/Comment...
if it doesn't link just copy and paste; it is quite an informative article. Even with free verse, the use of endstops and endjambment is important. Your piece lends itself more to a traditional rhyme, with that in mind the use of metered rhythm is important too, as it keeps the reader in 'tune' with your words. Here is a link to learn how metered rhythm may be of help: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meter_(poetry)
From one writer to another, a long time ago someone took the time to help me better understand my own words; I try to pay it forward every chance that I get hoping that you will too.
Keep writing, you have a gift for telling a story and I thank you for sharing, Robin Thomas
Funny how true these words ring, if there is no mountain, we never climb-right? Although, I must say, there is something to be said of those who seem to be carelessly, or carefully replete with life. I tend to agree with the diction of thiis piece in that it is the work towards the goal or to have victory over our difficuties that we find the inner peace and satisfaction. Had it not been for the trudging in life, I may not have known so much richness in living.
I enjoy poetry that evokes thought and emotion; for me, this is poetry that speaks to me on levels that I relate to life. Having said that Sir, this poem works and does that which well written pieces are intended to do. It's not the comfortable times in life that stick in our minds and teach us, it is in the discomfort that we draw from and grow. I lke the straight forward approach to the logic.
Nicely done, thanks for sharing.
Best regards,
Robin Thomas
Wow, great use of diction that adequately describes the pain and heartache of a breakup in a relationship.
Trusting others is one of the hardest acts to perform; probably due to the fact that it is a conscience daily action, one that when the trust is valid, the action becomes less noticeable.Then in those relationships where trust has no validity, the action to trust someone on a daily basis can become exhausting. To me, that's what this author sounds like has happened.
Just breathe...people who can not be trusted don't deserve to see what their decieptfulness can do to their victims. Just breathe.
Poetry that evokes emotions and thoughts, in my humble opinion is poetry that works. This one works.
Keep writing; I speak of experience in coping with pain and emotional upheaval when I say that writing is the greatest outlet.
Thanks for sharing, Robin
Mystery solved, thank you for clearing up that one! This is a fun twist on grammatical punctuation placement for emphasis. I enjoyed the direction that you have taken to drive your point home; just so the facts are noted...eggs will fry on a side walk in the summer heat here in Texas, it's been documented!
I like your twist on humor that is evident throughout as well as the brilliant usage of metaphors. Cudos for the homophones.
Nicely done,
Robin Thomas
Hi,
I thoroughly enjoyed this upbeat work!
I enjoy the play on similar interactions with people; how true your words ring of pets!
The meter and rhyme with this piece is excellent; I almost thought a twang of a guitar could be heard faintly as I read....sounds like a great
C&W song. The diction was metaphorically correct in every stanza and the grammatical usage of language was right on, punctuality was brilliant and added depth to the stanza as well, right on...or should I say write on!
Good luck with this contest, if I were judging....this piece would certainly be a contender.
How fortunate I am this day to come across this piece, must have been the luck of the Irish!
Best regards,
Robin Thomas
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