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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/4evercreating
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this. It is a serious topic and somehow, you don't lose that seriousness. Still, as you noted it to be a comedy, it is comical and is an enjoyable read. Your word choice was also very good, as was almost every aspect.
Extremely creative, and wonderfully crafted.
2
2
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this piece. I love the first paragraph. You introduced the idea behind the title of the story and this leads the reader to start to guess what will happen. The amount of information contained in this piece is also staggering. I really love how in depth you went and it makes the story all the better. I have to say, at one point I did lose track of the story due to the amount of information being thrown out. It became hard to follow, despite the fact that it is extremely well crafted.
There are a few grammar mistakes (in the fifth paragraph, consider adding a comma after "the current state of technology, and again in the eighth paragraph, consider revising the line "understood what I was talking about that I ignored the alarms going off in my brain.")
Overall, I really love this piece of writing. It is unique and is very in depth.
Wonderful piece of writing.

3
3
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I really love how you start with an idea. The first paragraph appears to be someone's thought process and through this, questions are asked and a conclusion is made. It is a very creative idea and the first paragraph does a lot to bring a reader into the story.
Another thing that I really like about this story is that it takes on a voice very similar to a blackfly's. I feel as though you did a very good job in creating a story through an ad written by a blackfly.
Though I really enjoyed this story and this idea, there are two things that you may want to consider revising. One; in the third paragraph, you say "the girl for me must be simple and uncomplicated," yet these words have the same general definition. I would consider changing one so as to cover more points and not seem repetitive. Two; you use parenthesis on multiple occasions, and you may want to look over them and edit the structure. For example, under Turn-ons, you say "wet people(blood donors)," and there should be a space between the word "people" and the open parenthesis. This happens on multiple occasions and is the only other thing I would consider looking over.
Overall, this is a very unique and well crafted idea. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
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