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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/5red5
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74 Public Reviews Given
74 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I don't have a predefined template. I might make one up on spot or not use one at all. I am very honest but my ratings are rarely bad, I rarely dislike items. I try to give helpful reviews, but try not to be too harsh.
I'm good at...
being honest. I won't sugar quote things, but won't be too harsh either. I will make sure that my rating matches my review.
Favorite Item Types
Any style of poetry, particularly short and free verse.
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels or long stories.
I will not review...
novels or long stories.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hello there!

Quite and interest take on beauty and the beast here. It starts off as a fairy tale, all happy and cheerful. Then it takes a turn and goes on to addresses the issue of domestic violence, or any other form of abuse against women, which is quite serious. I like how the poem takes a dark turn all of a sudden. However, I didn't like the structure of the poem much. Some sentences are too short and some too long. A poem doesn't have to be rhyming, free verse poems can have a good flow too, but this one lacked it. Maybe you can work on the syllable count or length of lines a little, if you decide to edit this poem. There were a couple of typos:
"And the boy.
He is lair a liar.
He will hold her
Keep her
And kiss her."


"She knows that.
But how can seine someone so beautiful
Be so broken
That they want so badly
To take that leap?"

Other than that, there were no grammatical errors, I just feel the flow can be better

Do check out some of my work if you have the time.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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2
2
Review of A new path  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello there!

Wonderful writing here! The rhyming is very good, a consistent aabb rhyme scheme that lends a beautiful flow to the poem! I especially liked the rhythm in the following lines :
"The more we move, the faster we heal,
the better things get, the better we feel."
Rolled of my tongue like a song!
No grammatical errors,proper punctuation, a very good structure. I also love the content. People fall apart, it happens, it isn't the end of the world. You can always move on, if you allow yourself to, and it is wonderful that you have (if this is about a personal experience, that is).

Great job!

Do check out some of my work if you have the time!

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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3
3
Review of February 14th  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi there!
The title is quite fitting, telling me exactly what the poem is about.
There are so many poems about valentines day out there, but I doubt any of them address the weather *Bigsmile*
Quite an interesting read, and I really liked the writing style as well.
The lines are pretty long, but the flow is preserved. I like the rhyme scheme. Since you have not used line break much, there is internal rhyming in the lines.
I liked the ending a lot - "A month so cruel and cursed from above, why is it known as a time for love?"
I can almost sing it!

February isn't that bad a month! I love the snow! But yes, winters can be very harsh sometimes, and it was nice to read something so different written about the day. Something not cheesy or romantic, a very different take on valentine day, nicely done!

Do check out some of my work if you have the time.
Keep reading and writing,
~Red.
P.S. I was born in february *Bigsmile*


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4
4
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
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Well hello there!

A nice issue you address here, and I agree with most of what you said. The title caught my eye. I think it is fitting, and hints at the content without being too sharp or blatant.
However, I clicked on your item to read a poem, and was majorly disappointed to not find one.
I don't know if the question marks are intentional, or whether you meant to save it as a draft and come back and add the poem later.

Confused,
~Red.


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5
5
Review of Wintertide  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there!

I must say, I love the title of your poem! Absolutely love it, because it says exactly what the poem is about - winter time , but it isn't something boring like just 'Winter'. I always have difficulty in deciding a title for your poem, this one is wonderful though, so simple and yet so elegant!

OK, so onwards with the poem. I like Shakespearean sonnets, though I have never written one (I guess might now, after reading this). I find them charming, which is why I think your title does justice to it. Takes me back to the Elizebethan era.

I love the writing, the rhyme is awesome, the flow is beautiful, I read your poem twice, I enjoyed it so much! The theme is great, I love the symbolism. Our life keep changing just like the seasons, which,I think, is what you have tried to say with this piece.
You talk about this one person, who lights up a fire inside you, but when they are gone you feel cold and alone. However in the end, instead of talking about that person coming back to you, you wish that you find 'someone' to give you that feeling of warmth ( or spring) again! I love that so much! It means that people come and people go, it doesn't have to be the same person, but you will always long for someone to be there for you. That someone can be anyone, relations are transitory, just like everything else, and therefore, you don't expect the same person to come back. It remind me of the movie 500 days of Summer, I don't know if you have seen it or not, so no spoilers *Bigsmile*
The couplet at the end is, as is obvious by now, my favorite part of the poem. You have fulfilled the true criterion of a sonnet! 3 beautiful quatrains followed by a couplet that stays in the reader's mind long after they have finished reading poem. And the perfect 10 syllable count of the lines!
Wonderful job!!

Do check out my portfolio if you get the time!

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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6
Review of PENdemonium  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hello there!

I like the tile of your poem, nice wordplay! *Bigsmile* I guess you are trying to say that when you pick up a pen to write (poetry/prose), your mind is full of chaotic thoughts, loud and confusing (just like pandemonium is raging in your mind).

I love the theme of the poem. As writers, we can all relate to it. The hardest part about writing is getting started, which is why the first two lines of your poem are my favorite.

I didn't spot any grammatical errors in your work. Your punctuation is on spot as well.
However, I do have one suggestion. Your poem has a consistent rhyme scheme of aabb because of which it flows well, but the third stanza has no rhyme scheme. This made me not like the ending much, because our poem was rolling off my tongue so wonderfully and then all of a sudden I had to halt because the flow is broken in the last stanza. I suggest you change that if you get the time. The poem is wonderful in all other respects.

Do check out my portfolio if you have the time.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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7
7
Review of The Wilted Mask  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello there!

I am reviewing this poem, as per your request. This is the first review request I have ever received, so thank you for that!
So let's get on with it, shall we?


Title:
          The title of this poem is very intriguing, however I am not quite sure about its connection with the rest of the poem.

Writing:
          You have written a free verse poem here, which is one of my favorite styles of writing. Your poem is a lot like prose, which might be intentional, but then a good poem usually has a good flow, which this one lacks. I think the main reason for that is the fact that you have used really long sentences. Maybe you can break some of them in two? Or perhaps, you can use some more punctuation to give pauses at the right places? Some of the sentences are a little confusing, because they are so long, or because of lack of more punctuation. Other than that, I like the way you write, your poem has a lot of depth to it. It is quite interesting!

Errors:
         
No typos or grammatical errors found, but I do suggest you go through your poem and edit your punctuation a little.
Also, in the second last stanza, you have used a lot of 'to', is that intentional or an error?

"...of some vital piece to
my heart which is missing-
some cornerstone to a
foundation to which has no
name and can be found on
no maps.."

Over all Impression:
          Quite an interesting read, however I am not sure I understood exactly what the poem was about. You talk about a well like no other, which I guess is the Rubicon you talk of in the last stanza. You want it to fill your thirst, 'thirst' being a symbolic meaning of satiating all your human wishes and desires. Overall, I think it is a philosophical poem that wonders about one's existence, and whether we are to guide our selves, or let fate or the Shepherd guide us. Perhaps you thought of all this while sitting on the bank of the river Rubicon?



Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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8
8
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hello there!

This is a nice and short free verse poem! I like the flow, the structure isn't strained at all, which is sometimes a major issue in free verse.

I think your husband can write poetry!

I like the use of the refrain "you are a _______ butterfly", every time with a new adjective! Nice touch.

I understand that different stanzas depict different situations. Its wonderful that your husband can say so much in just a few words.

I think you should encourage him to write more, he seems like a promising writer. And how lucky you are to be the inspiration behind the words!

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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9
9
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Hello there!

Poems don't have to be rhyming to have a nice flow, free verse poetry can flow well too. However, I felt that the structure in this piece was a little strained. The problem is that some of the sentences are too long compared to others. If you do decide to edit this piece, I suggest you either omit a few words that aren't required, or split very long sentences into two separate lines.

Also, I was confused about the strike through words. Is that intentional, or did you just strike them through because you wanted to erase them later?

Your emotions are conveyed very powerfully through your words. Good job!

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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10
10
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Title:
          The tile fits the poem, but I suggest that you shorten it a bit. Maybe just 'Undo the Love'? That is just my opinion though, of course, you can keep it as it is.

Writing:
          I like reading free verse poetry, so I enjoyed this.I like that almost the whole poem was in the form of questions, it makes a deep impact on the reader. However, the flow is broken in places, as some of the lines are too long compared to others.
In the first stanza, for example:

"Can I undo all the times I held her hands and showed her to the world?
Can I undo all the words I spoke of her?
Burn the memories from my mind,
Burn all that reminds me of her name"

You have used 'can' in the first few lines and then stopped using it suddenly in the last few lines. Maybe you can change the first few lines :
"Can I love again?
Can I take back everything I given to the one person who was never suppose to have it?
Can I Undo all the loves I said?
Can I Undo all the hugs I gave so tightly just so she could feel the love floating inside?
Can I Undo all the times I held her hands and showed her to the world?
Can I Undo all the words I spoke of her?"
This would make the lines shorter and the syllable count would be a little more close to the syllable count in the last few lines.

Omitting the words is one option, the other is breaking long sentences into two lines. For example:
"Can I undo all the hugs I gave so tightly just so she could feel the love floating inside?"
This line can be written as :
"Undo all the hugs I gave so tightly
so she could feel the love floating inside?"

I am stressing on the syllable count because the main flaw with the poem is the flow, and I think with a little editing you can fix it.

Errors:
         
In the following line:
"Can I take back everything I given to the one person who was never suppose to have it?"
'Given' should be changed to 'gave'.

Also,
"Love can’t be undo but it can only be done."

'Undo' should be changed to 'undone'.

Over all Impression:
          A nice free verse poem, you put your feelings forward, and I like the question format, but a little flawed in the flow, which can be fixed easily.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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11
11
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title:
          I like your title, it is straight forward, and a little harsh, but I like that, because you are not sugar coating it, you are saying it like it is.

Writing:
         I like reading free verse, so I enjoyed this a lot. Even though some of your sentences were quite long, I am not really a big fan of the whole 'maintaining your syllable count' thing. Despite the long sentences, I didn't feel like the structure of your poem was strained. The flow wasn't brilliant, but I didn't stumble anywhere while reading it.

Errors:
          Your punctuation is good, I paused at all the right places because of that. No grammatical or spelling errors found. No suggestions really, the poem is pretty good the way it is.

Comments:
         I can't imagine what it must be like to lose someone close to you, I am quite lucky that I have never been in that position.Like you said in your poem-
"No nothing can compare...".
That is very true, and I love that whole stanza. You understand the fact that even though you might be hurting, what the immediate family feels is so much worse. We can never know how someone is feeling unless we are in their position, all we can do is try to sympathize.
I also like the following line:
"and I feel guilty for being alive."
You have portrayed your emotions so well in this piece. He was a young boy and you feel that it is utterly unfair that he had such a short time in this world while you continue to live on. Your guilt is understandable, but of course, everyone has their own time to go, we are sometimes luckier than others.
I am sorry for your loss. Writing is a brilliant way to channel all those emotions.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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12
12
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This contest is awesome! :D
Definitely my favorite from all the other birthday bash contests going on these days! Done with the first two levels of the challenge, on to the third one! This review is going to help me get there, haha! :D

I love this website!
Thanks Leger~ Author Icon
~Red.
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Review of Little Child Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title -
         Suits the poem well. Maybe it would be better as 'Little Lost Child' though? Just my opinion.

Writing-
          The writing is very good. I love how you have expressed your hardship of coming to grips with the term 'death'.
I really like how you have compared your mom's love to a warm blanket, and heaven to a place where angels sing. The poem has a beautiful flow to it, it is a pleasure to read.

Errors-
         "Oh, how she loved me so”.
I don't think the quotation marks are needed here, since you are narrating this sentence just like the rest of the poem. If these words were a direct quote from your mom then the quotation marks would make sense.

         "Kisses the hurts and should be HERE thru the years."
'Thru' is an informal usage of the word 'through' and I think the latter is better, but again, that is a matter of opinion.

         "Please, someone tell me why I feel so all-alone.!!"
The punctuation is a little of, there is a period and then two exclamation marls,when there should be just one exclamation mark.
I think 'so' and 'all' should not be used together here. It should either be 'so alone' or 'all alone' since they both mean the same.

         "Today I’m frightened and feel so unsure,
         She was like a warm blanket, so safe and secure."
I feel the word 'so' has been used a lot, and you should consider deleting it from at least one of the above two lines. You might have done it to keep the syllable count in check, but I think the lines will flow well even without the use of 'so.'

Over all impression-
         I am not an emotional person but your poem moved me. I am extremely sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to deal with the death of your mother. Writing about it is a very good way to channel your emotions. Your feelings shine through beautifully in the poem. Very good job.
I wish you all the luck in the word.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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14
14
Review of A Cold Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I love short poetry, but this seems incomplete. Perhaps you meant to save it as a draft and work on it later? If you wish to add more to this then you shouldn't make it public till it is complete. I see you are new to WDC, so if you need any help with the technicalities, do let me know.
The three lines that you have written are wgood and hold the promise of a wonderful poem if extended. There are no grammatical errors either. The title is very apt too. I love free verse poetry so I look forward to reading this if you do decide to add more to it.
Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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15
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Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I agree with what you said, we watch tragic news on the TV but we can't imagine what it would be like if it were to happen to our own family. Even though many people will read this piece and people will sympathize, no one can know exactly how you feel unless we have been in your place at some point in life.
I hope sharing this helped ease the pain a little.
As you said, we always move on with our lives, we might think at the moment that we can't, but like everything else, this too shall pass.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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16
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Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I don't think I have read anything informative on WDC before this. This was quite interesting. I didn't know all that work went into maintaining a lighthouse back in the old days!
I looked up the Pharos Lighthouse, it is beautiful.
Also, I didn't know the ORIGINAL seven wonders of the world. I looked them up too.
All in all, I guess I learned a lot from this.
Thank you for sharing.
Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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Review of My New Business  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this really funny! I am from India and therefore understood exactly why there was an angry mob outside your steak house!

I am in college right now with no idea of what I am going to do in the future and my best friend constantly tells me that owning a business is the best thing anyone can do in life. I think he is right, and I have been thinking about what kind of business I can do, so it is quite wonderful that I stumbled upon this! I am going to make my friend read this for sure.

Lovely story! At the end, you had to open a fast food joint in the USA!

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.
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Review of DRIVE-IN  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
How I Stumbled Upon This Piece :
After reading 'Death Of A Thousand Cuts' and 'The Beginning' I decided to check out more of your writing.

Title:
To the point, goes perfectly with the story without giving too much away,

Writing:
As I mentioned in the review for 'The Beginning', I find your writing quite interesting since you use phrases I haven't heard before. I noticed you used 'built like a shithouse' in this one as well. I didn't find any errors, grammatical or otherwise.

Comments:
I think you usually right about real-life experiences. The fact that this actually happened in someone's life keeps me hooked to the story, till the end.
I was a little surprised that you got some action in the drive in, I thought it was just going to be an innocent ride, but I am not judging of course :D

Your stories are short and fun, keep writing.
~Red.
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Review of The Beginning  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I usually don't read stories on writing.com, I am more into poetry, but this was a short story that I stumbled upon so I thought why not. Romance is not really my kind of genre, but I liked this story because even though it is about a relationship, you didn't make it sound sappy or cheesy.

The writing was actually really good, deserving more than 3.5 stars. However, in many places it was kind of hard to make a distinction between your thoughts and what you were saying out loud. You have used proper punctuation, but it is still confusing in places, especially the sixth paragraph.

There were some interesting phrases in there that i have never heard before, like 'tuning her radio' and 'built like a brick pizzeria'. I also had to look up 'keister'. It is always wonderful to learn something knew, so thank you for that.

Quite an interesting story! I was surprised to know that you guys finally 'did it' after 10 months of marriage, that is quite a long wait! But as you said, that's another story...

Do tell me if you decide to write that one some day...

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.


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20
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Review of My Chains  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful poem with a beautiful message. This is something I think about quite often. I always want to break free of the rules set by society. But, as you mentioned, to do so I must first battle against my own flaws. Once I know I am on the right path, well equipped for achieving what I want in life, nothing can stop me. The theme of the poem, as you can see, really made sense to me.

I loved the writing style as well. Free verse is probably my favorite style of poetry. You used short sentences which gives a nice flow to the poem.

Great work.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.
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Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not a theme I like or relate to, but nevertheless, the writing is very good.
My favorite lines :
"Why are we always crying,
When we can forgive and forget."

I don't think anyone could have written a better poem on forgiveness. Its simple, and a little vague about what exactly it is that you are forgiving, which means that people can interpret it in the way they like, and hence, many people will relate to it.
I liked that the most about your poem.

Beautiful work.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.
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Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Haha, wonderful story! Heart warming with bits of humor! I especially loved how you have explained Magnus' morning stretch in such detail. It's spot on, I have cats and they actually do that!
I love cats and I love stories, so this was really a gift! Thank you so much for this!
Keep reading and writing,
~Red.
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Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not only was it a heart warming story, the writing is beautiful too. I have been accused of being emotionless on more than one occasion, but this stirred something up. It is wonderful to know that people can go through so much in life, and still come out from the other end , smiling. Such courage restores my faith in humanity.
May you have an amazing life ahead.
Keep reading and writing,
~Red.
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Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem is so simple and yet so powerful in the message it delivers. I loved it! We all believe that love lasts forever....but of course it never does. Everything ends. I can't choose my favorite line because honestly, I love them all! You have described everything that leads to the death of love, in just so many words. The littlest of things can lead to the biggest of disasters when it comes to matters of the heart.
Brilliantly done.
Keep reading and writing,
~Red
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Review of Coffee Shop  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like how it starts of as a gloomy poem, the person being sad that he is waiting in vain, but then in the end takes a turn for the positive.
The last two lines are really well written, leaves a smile on the reader's face!

I love your poems, and your face, and your hair and your hot, hot body, but more on that later, this really isn't the place for it.

*clears her throat*

So yeah, awesome piece. I mean the poem, not you. Though you are too.
I am giving it just 3.5 stars, not because it is bad, but because you have better stuff in your portfolio, and I am giving the ratings based on that,

Keep reading and writing,
~Red

P.S. A review of my poem Red will be much appreciated. :D
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