I return the favour, I love to read what my critics write.
I selected this out of the four I was looking at on your page, just a random selection but now I need to read what else you have. Love Me, Make Me Cry...what a read. In my personal view it was very raw and extremely addictive, I wanted to read more. Even though there's not a lot of personal information in this snippet it carries the potential of a great story. I could almost visualise the squat they'd made their temporary home. I like your main character; she sounds a strong person or should I say a person that acquires her strength as the story unfolds. Yes! It would make a great novel, your writing flows well.
Thank you for sharing your work. D.
Not sure yet. Your writing is quite good; you describe many things but not too much of what is happening. I understood the first paragraph to describe a search team and many trees alight with flame. Then a camp. Then the arrival of the comet. But there’s no character to latch onto or why they are there. Plus writing in capitols looses the story. I don’t know who’s telling the tale when you scream capitols across the paper. At one point towards the end is felt like it was the comet itself telling its own story, and if so, the tale ended with the impact of the comet.
Q. Is this story leading up to the eventual collision by Haley’s comet or is this a story of the actual event. Then again, is this a story of the aftermath and survival of the few that remain?
And please tell me who Charlie is?
Advice, read it out loud so you can hear yourself, it helps with punctuation and grammar. Whatever you do keep writing, you are good.
Dave
That was a magnificent read. I went though many scenario’s in my mind as to origin of the narrator. I eventually settled on a wolf or a dog, then that brilliant exposé on the alien took me by complete surprise.
It was well written and keeps the reader engaged. I had a sense of this being even though wrong I’d almost seen him in my mind’s eye. Thank you for sharing this and I’m glad to have come across it.
Very well done.
Dave
The 291 words just disolved as I was reading this. It was actually a nail biting read. Really great for just a short moment in time story. It was very well written.
That was really good, kept the pace moving fast and enough hidden agenda to make you want to read more. Couple of minor jumps but nothing really to mention otherwise you’ll think I’m nit picking. I think I’ll keep a lookout for more of this novel. I want to find out what this housewife has got herself in to.
Like. D.
You are writing huge amounts of story in very short sentences. You could probably get five to ten chapters out of the paragraphs you’ve wrote. Slow down and describe.
This is JUST an example:-
Ron walked aimlessly down an old deserted road unaware there was meat seeking Zombies feverously in need of food just over the next horizon. There were vehicles of all descriptions scatted like disused toys from a giant playpen everywhere to be seen. Rust had consumed most of the metal parts now, save for the few that were made from carbon fibre or aluminium, but even these would never work again..... Also, why was he on the road? Where was he going? I wrote aimlessly?
Lead me into the story, let me see the character.
Ps don’t mention Ron so many times, we know his name you can just use he ran, he pulled etc etc.
Keep up the writing. D.
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