Really interesting topic!
I only have a few recommendations:
In the first paragraph, I would change the " I find unable to control myself to comment" to something shorter like " I am compelled to comment" or " I must comment". This will make it easier to understand.The rest of the essay only needs work on connecting some of the sentences with conjunctions. Most importantly, keep your main topic in mind when writing each paragraph. I was really interested in reading what you had to say, but there were times when the essay was hard to follow.
Overall, you gave some great advice on how to be your true self in today's materialistic world.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/abon90
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 12:45am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.