Very well written! This is the first piece of your's that I have read. This one chapter makes me want to read the beginning of your story and anything thing else that you have written. Your characters are unique and believable. Your descriptive talent is wonderful. The whole chapter is full of surprises and climaxes. I enjoyed reading it very much. I did notice spaceing errors. (Double spacing - like this, instead of like this.) Other than that, great story. Write on!
This is a nice piece. I can see some metaphors. I did have a couple questions though. I think that the best way to know if my writting has turned out the way I wanted it to, is to have the reader tell me a summery. So here goes.
Thirty-two souls are lost on this wonderful island, each one arrived differently so then also at different times through history. One day, eight boats arrive and the island community has a vote to decide either to stay or go. As they boats are slowly making there way out to sea, everyone except Samantha decided to go. So everyone else gets in the boats, four per boat. They're traveling for days in peace, even Samantha. (What made her go?) Then a storm appears and all the boats turn towards the safe sunset. except for Samantha and her four passengers, who instead keep heading for the storm that turns to fire. (Why?) All four souls are gone. The other seven boats arrive at an island just like the other except it has pillars and a door. The remaining passengers go through a door with a sign above that reads, "WELCOME ALL WHO MAY ENTER". They find peace there.
I think that this is a great thought and it can be elaborated on and even made into an interesting book. Although it may have been your desire to leave the reader asking questions. I must admit, it makes me want to sit down and write my own story. Very creative. Write on.
Oh my goodness! For the sake of all readers every where, publish this work. It was absolutely amazing. I sat here glued to my computer screen waiting to find out just how Brandon would find out he switched places with Julie and how he would then convince his wife Karen it was true. I gasped as you so perfectly discribed the truck running over that small child. A tear came to my eye as I read that Brandon "slowly lift Mr. Duck to his face and breathed deeply, filling his lungs with his final breath". Seemply mesmerizing and real throughout the entire piece. Bravo! The only thing that bothered me was that it leaves you hanging about the doctor wanting to see Brandon about his test results. But other than that...WOW!
Praise God! Isn't it amazing what God can do with our messes. My story is quite the same and I am unbelievably grateful to His mercy. Hold on to the truth and stay in the light. May God bless you and lead you always.
Your Sister in Christ
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