I'm intrigued by what's happening at the end of this story and wondering if these orphans aren't actually children of some of the fictional characters they joke about. I hope there's more to this one. Great start
I really enjoyed this little story. It was heart warming and sweet, showing the soft side there is to every husband who truly loves his wife. I think the idea of finding a ring belonging to every member of her family was also a nice touch. It's kind of how I feel when I do so much work and then suddenly the love of my life is there to thank me for it all with a special gift. Very good story.
Since the biggest concern seemed to be for mechanics I'll go over that first. Really it wasn't bad, I'd say try to watch the switching between past and present tense. That can sometimes throw the reader off.
As far as the story itself, It feels like nothing's happening. There's no action in the story besides the flashback. There might be a way to have the story start in the jail cell then completely go back to the night it happened, maybe when she was sentenced, show a bit more of Randy, before catching up with the present action of her dying. I do like the end though. It's sad to watch her go out like that knowing she's innocent.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/acsaeger
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 3:46pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
