Story starts nice, but the rest of the story is somehow against my logic. She is almost 16, that means she is 15 and something, who knows how long will planning take, so I assume she is about 15. She met him 3 years ago, that means when she was a little bit over 12. And you are not talking about hotness when you are 12. That's just my opinion, anyway, the story caught my attention, even when I don't prefer perfect characters who can speak 10 different languages. Keep up the good work!
You definitely need to expand this. This is still attention catcher, if it's supposed to be a short story or a novel. The last sentence is not finished (maybe it is, but there is missing second sentence, like: Before she could finish, the other woman interrupted her). Expand!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/adammatus
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:49pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
