You're poem is quite original. It's sad when you realize that your inner child is gone. I really liked how you integrated that losing an inner child helped one become free. Poetry is not my art form, although I love to read it, and I really enjoyed yours. Nicely written! Keep up the excellent work!
A little morbid for a childrens poem, but delightful at the same time. I love a moral! This was truly a unique verse for children. It deserves to go into one of Shell Silverstein's books. I think this was very well written, and once again I express my envy towards those able to create poetry. It is truly an art form!
Great writing!
I like the imagery and the emotion that is quite evident in this peom. The overall poem is very well written, it is a strong, powerful piece. I like how it is more of a story than not.
Although very sad, it sends a message. Great writing!
Keep up the good work!
I like how you captured one view of how sad unrequieted love can truly be. I also liked how you described it in terms of a short story, instead of an essay, bringing characters to life. I could relate to those feelings described, and many others would as well. Very nicely written. Keep up the good writing!
This was such a lovely poem! I truly enjoyed reading it. It holds a mixture of nostalgia, childhood memories, and wonder. The wonder in this is just beautiful. It is a reminder that just because we are all "grown up" now, does not mean that you lose childhood innocence. This is a poem that will be going into my favprites. Thank you so much for sharing!
Love lost, angry, woe is me poetry is what I live for! Very nicely written, it is obvious this is a very personal poem and I believe that you got your point across quite accurately.
What I liked most about this is the clearly felt frustration of being with someone you love who is unable to love you back. I've no doubt that many readers would be able to identify with that. Thank you for sharing your talent!
Beautiful poem! Weeping willows are my favorite trees and the way you captured them in this is outstanding!
The poem itself is not written in a melancholy way, but the words create a sad, haunting feel to this.
Very nice! Keep writing!
I am constantly amazed at the talented writers one can find on this site. You are certainly among them.
With tears in my eyes, I finished your beautifully written soliloquy about the American Flag. The way this is written, one truly believes that if our Nations' flag could speak, then this is what it would say. This was written with honor and respect for not only America, but for all those who proudly wave this symbol of freedom and hope.
Hi!
Okay, I confess I was a little confused at what exactly was going on in the end. I say this because in the instance when Anna is dying, she tells Francesca that the elders left the Icarins to protect her, yet she states that the Icarins ended up killing her...Was this to mean "her" as in Francesca's race?
It is obvious that Anna hates her, so why then would she give her a blessing as she dies?
Your action in the beginning was great. It is obvious that this is not a fight between humans, so the reader is intrigued to know what is going on. Overall, the story was really good, like I said, I just didn't get the gist of what was going on in the end. This could just be my issue.
A few minor grammatical details I would like to point out, sinply so that what you have now reads a little smoother.
Change "There was wounds..." to "There were wounds..."
And this is just my opinion, please disregard if you choose to do so, but I thought it read a little better by tweaking this line just a bit:
"I said you will speak to me when I ask you too," Francesca raised her voice. Then angered she added,"You murdered..."
My suggestion is this:
"I said you will speak to me when I ask you to!" Francesca raised her voice in anger. " You murdered us..."
Instead of seperating her thoughts into two passages, I suggest incorporating it together like that. This way the reader feels Francesca's anger, and the flow is still there.
I wonder if you will be adding more to this story...I for one would like to find out what happens next!
Spring! My favorite season. Your poem was lovely, and the imagery was outstanding. Your description of the first green of spring was splendid, I could "see" what you were writing. I especially enjoyed how you related spring as being coquettish. All in all, a beautiful poem. I enjoyed this one very much. Thank you!
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