Beautiful rendition. I love how you were able to narrate the story, and mimic ol'Moses, accent and all, and still get back to Mike and Robby without losing the reader.
And the lesson was captured well - I even understood the concept of horse racing with the little descriptions you put there.
Thanks for sharing
Wow! If it was here in Nigeria, he would have called in three pastors from three different churches to carry out a holy ghost revival and cleansing on the apartment! I can understand how something so small could cause so much trouble.
Very credible realistic story.
So er...what was the sound from the first apartment exactly? And the second one? Am sooo curious!
Thanks for sharing!
Your story makes me believe in angels! Who would have thought she would melt like that!
I really loved it! When you have a collection let me know where to buy them from :D
Thanks for sharing!
This is a very great short story. A crime to solve, tied to the past, with a bit of romance. I love the ending but I believe the intro was a bit brief. Then the scenes need to be separated with the stars used in the last one - had to go back and reread the last sentence of the former scene to understand the 'jump' each time.
But I must say you really captured what you were trying to pass across in your newsletter.
Thanks for sharing!
Your story is amazing! And It is REALLY what could happen....in fact, I think it may just be what is happening right now. Your structure is definite and the chronological advancement as the story progresses, is proper. In just a few words, I can say its authentic and the emotions are real.
Thanks for sharing!
Niice...I love the mystic ones!
But I have questions - what happened to Mindy that she fainted? Why is Belinda carrying the child instead of Mindy? And why don't they want Mindy to remember?
Please think about developing this into a novelette -its really enchanting.
Thanks for sharing!
Got me teary-eyed...Its funny how we all make assumptions about other people, fit them into stereotypes. And we are almost always wrong!
I would have paid with my life.
Thanks for sharing this touching story
Ok How did you do this one?
I am awed by your creativity. I do not know how you managed to warp [not a misspelling] time but you did it in such a short number of words that I am so impressed, I want to know how you could be awarded third place! This is first grade material!
Thanks for sharing!
If there was a higher rating than 5.0 I would have chosen it for this piece.
I am typing through tears. This is a beautiful piece.
Words to use to describe how you made me feel, fail me. Touching...
Don't ever give up on writing and publishing....please let me know when you do so I can order and buy it.
That isn't an ordinary request - I live in West Africa, and I am willing to pay any amount to read what you have written.
Keep it up
Dang! MY adrenaline is 150% overboard already! Nice one! Starting a book with an explosion does that to your audience. Love it! Perhaps a little more background on the key characters here? I would not mind reading more about the choice of the location and what the other countries did to try and get it on their soil e.g. Japan.
Nice dialogue, good description of he environment, but I don't get the ending - was she calling for another appointment she had as a patient, or as the doctor this time around?
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