Chapter II, better as the plot held some expected idea of the final outcome, the plot twists and turns of what it took to soften the other victims as well her father, read well.
A good first chapter well detailed though having some repeating type's of the word you instead of the proper word your. Not that I am perfect, but before posting, I preview to put my best before my public, such as is crowded paragraphs are minor but do not suggest of a professionally mindful author. I shall read then now the second chapter and see if any others people become stone-faced and difficult to move around.
A matter of timing and this was a good beginning to an interesting story of what, at the outset the two top gun thieves are a pair of suckers waiting for the day they get caught, shot or killed. It is a good beginning to a plot, but did it go anywhere? Comedic the attitude of one friend to the other, the mastermind and his follower who thought he could wait, but at the moment of trying to become manly, he returned to being a child. It does tend to leave a reader with a smirk!
Very good plot from beginning to the end, if as well a reminder to all not to deal with they the evil as most are outmatched and become fodder fools for dark gain.
Very good story, so unsuspecting of what the plot meant in retrospect considering the ending. It is cute and so very similar to what a baby might think, if we knew what we do now when we were first born. Your style and the detailing is very good!
Overall an interesting story with plenty of dialog as well adding to the personality of the character Temperance. A few slight words placed wrong or spelled improperly, (Example: "And I bet you have get all my crap stuff back.”) The sentence sounds like a quick reply said partially out of context to the subject, a commonality when arguing. There was a great deal of posturing about what Tempest could do or the powers she wheeled, before the use of her powers did something very special and saved a life.
I shall look with interest at your newer writings,
AdobeFats
Someone so young should not need to worry about so much of what is life. The Essay is good, though some of the sentence structure makes reading and comprehension of the idea work slower though the mind of a reader. (Example: "The previous day, I had packed up the things I'd been told to bring by the letter I had recieved some few days before. The letter clearly stated that I should take about 10 things that described me and to pack it in a container that told of things I liked.")
The essence of the essay seemed to bolster around not the speech-presentation, but the fact of liking witchcraft. It was not explained if you enjoy reading about witchcraft, or tried to practice the art, and or whether doing black or white witchery might well have eased the implications of worry felt by parents of your newer friends.
I shall watch with interest where you go with your other writings!
Very short, rather crude, the plot quite thin, punctuation missing, a beginning at writing, but before further writing on this subject I would suggest reading at the So Furry site the story: https://www.sofurry.com/view/92623
The Lost Barn, a short story with a simple plot but told well along similar to your short story.
Beautifully told story, rarely if ever have I read anything better, the wording spelled of actions and a sense of wonder shared by both characters and the reader. A story worthy of a Well Done!
A fairytale and fable, curse as use others with no respect and gain evil for such deeds. Those who attain riches soon tend to forget their friends who remained poor, as the rich man might squander his money to toy with the bounty of playthings, in the end some die penniless, as other die from social diseases, drugs, brews, or some other form of vice.
The story is good but to me read with some difficult, maybe the phrasing, but practice make perfect given time!
Oops did I miss the part where man becomes woman, as mentioning of Thomas abruptly changed to the pronoun of she or her to tell of his escape and the happenings from then on...
It has the makings of a greater story, but needs some polishing.
It is short, could use some friend to help give it polish, some of the short story has punctuation, but it could be expanded for a smoother readability.
Example: Hope had left him as he looked into the eyes of his destroyer that took no pity on him or that for that of his life.
Rewrite: All hope in him was gone, he stood there looking at and into the eyes of him who was the destroyer. The devil, the beast took no pity on him from what good he did during his life. As it closed in upon him, taking slow as steady steps, showing its intentions with a glare of wild eyes what burned of fire then for him!
This story needs some spell check polishing and punctuation to add to its story telling, at present it reads a jumble of ideas crying for functionality.
Wow, nice story beginning, the plot is good, as unexpected as horse enthusiast chooses a dog costume to wear and never checks its gender, but feeling mesmerized by the situation. He does the more foolish thing and Assumes Sir William is someone worthy of complete trust, much to later learning that was a mistake.
Noted was the lack of dog breed not made mention to give the reader some added insight as what all the sensations felt might be similar. As such when dealing with a monarch type, the likely change might be then a hunting dog.
Never-the-less, this is a good story with a great beginning!
A nice reminiscent story so similar to what many people have with their pets, as a pet relationship offers insight into that closed world of instincts and lacking of understanding why things work as they do. I can relate to what you the author felt and had to laugh when taking of your time to watch as note the mannerisms of what Top Hat or any beloved pet does to mimic their masters.
Obviously I am impressed by this the first story-chapter written about Top Hat. I plan to read the others as well and might comment on them if feeling there is a need or worth in doing so, for a friend.
Friends being friends can come on boldly as this is part of what it is to be a friend, the standing back from the forest of personal ideals and see then the trees.
Very well written using a story plot tried before by many authors but to date, none of those I have read compared to your manner of holding interest in the reader. Transgender is often hard to describe the intuition and passions felt or desired.
I shall look forward to chapter two, and of future chapters as the computer and its victim gain better understandings as to their portion in varied plots, as once knowing a transformed form, the desire to try more tends to consume both body and soul.
Very good story, passionate from two directions, discreetly told without the use of common modern day slang. A love story so wished for by so many of finding someone above their own station in life being interested in another, not considering of status, but of a physical infatuation what with lovemaking would grow into something real or permanent.
Most rare, a non sexually based transformation of a man to horse! The story I thought read well, had some scientific data and a logical progression right up to where the partially ignorant horse listened to a man decide a proper name for the new horse, one that the horse too could consider as proper!
A story not too long or overbearing of transformational details as this changed and that, similar to the neck bone is connected to the shoulders to the rib cage and this changed as that, this story is different but better than most, even my own!
One very good story, worth the time it took to write as edit. Other than what it teaches us about how envy can cause ruination of what we cherish and/or love, it is a good advertisement for using Miracle-grow mixed into house plants to protect better against envious witches.
All chapters to there final points end with a well detailed as interesting beginnings along similar plots, though each remains different enough not to be exact copies with the names changed to protect the... whoever.
Keep it going, though this is not along my lines of forte' it holds promise!
Chapter one, "Setting the stage for what more of the story and plot needs to merge modern day to a place caught in time and different from our own reality. The story reads well to this point, the verbal exchanges between characters are enough to have a read begin to guess what next will happen when the two different factions meet, both surprised by the other.
Please direct me to part two, you got me interested!
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