If you do not mind, I would like your permission to copy this 4 times so that I may laminate it and post it on each of my children's doors. What an excellent poem/statement. Not only does it give children the clues to how to succeed in life, it gives them only enough that they will have to ask for clarification. What better time is there to instill your values and morals into your children than when they ask for it. Well done. Although not a general poetry critic, I believe this transcends poetry.
Excellent first person narrative. I could feel myself within the protagonist's emotion. The ups and downs of it. The hopeful, doubting, wishing against fate feeling that we all experience at some point in our lives. The final step in front of the bus is one many have taken in their head a million times when this sort of heart wrenching pain envelops them. Also, whether intentional or not, it is a striking metaphor for the way obsessive thinking can stop us from living. The figurative transcends the literal. Nicely done.
Excellent insight and outlook. If more people accepted responsibility for their own feelings like that just think of how much better the world would be. One typo I believe ... "Thought she burned me" ... I believe you meant Though not Thought. If you did mean thought, then a line with the reality could be in order. Great work.
This was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. There were two that I just don't know. I love the subject matter though, and the clues were excellent. Your crossword gives mee two of my favorite things in one convenient place, words & music.
What a wonderful way to play with quotes and words, both of which I love. John Lennon's quote was particularly prolific. It told mee if I try to give another name to tornados I might call them Ella. Ella is my 8 year old daughter & I have often described her as a tornado looking for a place to touch down. This was really fun & honestly got my thoughts rolling about what other words I might use in my writing.
First, there is a very tangible sense of danger from an unknown threat. While I, as the reader, have no idea why James is so terrorized or specifically why the Servant is a threat, I recognize that the threat and danger are there. There is an excellent sense of urgency to the end of this piece. I did find the first paragraph wordy and a little hard to follow and stay focused on. I had the urge to skip words and sentences to get to the meat of the story. A rewrite of that paragraph would help this be clearer. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Great hook for the beginning of an urban fantasy. Of course, I instantly think of vampires, but it strikes mee that those are not the only creatures of lore that could be described as eternal and lacking humanity. Furthermore, there is nothing that says you cannot develop this around a creature of your own design that has never before been seen. I would love to get to know this character better and discover what happened to him and where he is going. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
This is an excellent observation and a wonderful testimony to the true meaning of love. I think you have a beautiful understanding of what it really means to love your wife. Next time, I suggest thinking all the times your wife has sacrificed for your happiness and comfort. Maybe thoughts of her proof of her love for you will help keep you warm through that arctic shower.
Very dark. The imagery is very dark and creepy. Sounds like the voice is the murderer. This could easily be something one of the serial killers wrote on Criminal Minds. The final verse is especially telling yet poses more questions ... is mom next???
I have a sixteen year old son with Asperger's ... it has been an ever challenging but always rewarding life. You have done an excellent job of capturing the bittersweet world of children differently abled as such. Way to go. Nice work. Keep it up and consider expanding past the short story.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aimeebennett
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:44am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
