This is exactly the kind of story I enjoy. Your descriptions of your characters' actions are exceedingly vivid. I loved the braid of hair that serves as a weapon. The conversations, though minimal, fit the kind of characters you portray and do not detract from the story in the least. The victim's decription invoked sympathy, especially considering how the Eternal found her.
I can honestly say that there isn't anything I would change nor is there any aspect I liked the least from this excerpt. I look forward to reading what happens next.
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