Your short story made me laugh. I can't blame her, I don't want to watch Twilight either! The funniest part to me was when Bertha mentioned the coffee cup stuck in the living room ceiling. I can just picture her getting angry and throwing a cup that sticks into the ceiling.
The only problem I noticed was the lack of commas when they were speaking directly to and saying each other's names.
I see what you're saying and I agree completely. I think a lot of current happenings with writing is the thought the main character always has to be the sarcastic, tough as nails type who never shows emotion. So, of course, they're not going to stutter, spit, spout off, etc.. anything. What really doesn't make sense is a dog taking someone's pants and having the person be completely unaffected by it.
By the way, in the last paragraph, it should be 'my advice' instead of 'my advise'. I'm sure it was just something you looked over while typing all of this out.
I liked the way the story started, it caught my attention right away. But, there are several problems with past tense/present tense switching, sometimes even in the same sentence.
I enjoyed reading your story as a humorous, quick read. The grammar wasn't great and I don't quite understand why Miss Swanson would go insane because a kid said he wanted to be an internet troll? But it was definitely a more interesting answer for what you want to be when you grow up.
I like the fact that you made a story out of a conversation. The way people relate through words can be very interesting. You can see the dark humour between these two (maybe more than?) friends.
But, there were several times in this dialogue-type short story where there should have been a new paragraph, like when each new person started a sentence.
Thanks for sharing,
AJ(:
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