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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/al-david
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Big Al Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Lots iof fun...thanks!
2
2
Review of The Fun House  Open in new Window.
Review by Big Al Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi! I'm new here and this is my first review on this site. I enjoyed your story. You managed to keep the tension high and nicely nurtured the curiosity of what's going to happen next. The ending was a little different than what I was expecting...but in a good way. i was anticipating the typical ending, such as "Johnny and Becly showed up after a few days and we were all relieved, even though they were in a lot of trouble for their actions." Not all stories end "happily ever after after". Happy to read one that didn't go there; it's a nice change. Your delivery is simple yet concsise. I had no trouble follwing along.

I have one very minor thing for you to consider:

(1) rather than say "...assembled items we'd need...", I would have said "...retrieved items we would need...". Assemble implies putting something together. We know that's not the case, and what the real implication is, but publishers are picky as crap about little stuff like that.


That's it for constructive observations. Nicely done!

Alan
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