\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aleastudios
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Alex Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
From what I can tell by your portfolio this is the first thing that you’ve written. I read this poem and from what I can tell, it’s a good start if you want it to become popular on the site. The poem has a message that I’m sure a lot of people who gotten out of a relationship can relate to. For the most part the rhyme scheme was very eloquent. However, there were two things that I thought you could improve on. The first thing I saw is the syllable count, which from what I can tell you decided to go for five syllables per line. For the most part you did just that, but in at least seven lines you went either above or below the syllable count. The second thing that I thought could be improved was that (in my opinion) there were a few lines that had an odd choice of words or didn’t make sense. A pair of lines that didn’t make sense is exists in the second half of the third stanza:

You didn't need a microscope
Cause use to be steal

Suggestion – Instead of “You didn't need a microscope” how about:
I know cause I checked

A line that had an odd choice of words exists in the last half of the fourth stanza:

I loved your smile
But you laughed at my fears

Suggestion –
I loved your smile
For all of these years
2
2
Review of The Lullaby  Open in new Window.
Review by Alex Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like how this poem has that innocent feel to it. I had a general feel of the atmosphere, but I think thee are some things that you could improve on that could boost your writing skill dramatically. I think you should use a rhyming dictionary. Your rhymes weren't bad, they were so-so. You want to captivate your reader and a good rhyming skill along with an elequent flow of words is essential in grasping the reader. Also, there was something that confused me. Throughout the poem you described the lullaby as this blissful and innocent song, but in the last stanza you describe it as "the haunting melody." I wasn't sure how to take that. Overall you were great and that's why I gave you a 4 out of 5.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aleastudios