 or  Writing + Grammar List = Review   
 Reader Reaction:
Greetings! I'm here to review the first chapter of your work, "The Write Muse - Chapter I"  . I'm glad for the opportunity to read this story, and I found that it was written well, flowed mostly consistently, and had memorable characters. Below are my specific thoughts on the book's elements.
 Plot Remarks: The plot idea isn't some new or zany concept - a writer simply wants real-world experience as part of writing his novel for (of all things) his get-rich-quick scheme. However, the entire plan really goes out the window fast after he gets hired.
The introduction was written well, dialog was natural, and the characters seemed rational and realistic. I did wonder about the manager, though. He was there, and then he vanished.
 Characterization: Caesar, Morphy, and Vv...V...
Aw, what the heck, let me recheck the manuscript: Vikram. Okay. Let's talk about that.
Vikram is not a bad name. It's easy to say, stands out, and looks cool. However, it is not easy to pick up and remember, even after reading an entire chapter with his character in it. I know that if I kept reading the book all the way through, I would remember his name, but for the main character of the book, I should be able to remember his name after even just one chapter. I honestly don't feel qualified or comfortable telling you to change the name. You can, it is your story, but perhaps there is an easier method to making us remember his name. Consider having another character give him a nickname.
Vikram's character is likable, in that he's just like the rest of us: rational, ambitious, desires to be rich, among other things. And, just like the rest of us would, he proves himself human by passing out at the sight of Morphy.
Caesar's character seems very even keel. Even when he meets Morphy, he is very down to earth. He's upfront, honest, and straightforward. Those are all qualities I as a reader can get behind. A word of warning - don't leave him there, though, as you continue forward. Give him additional background, make his character dynamic.
Morphy is a different story. Morphy is perfectly-suited to being Caesar's foil, and the two obviously get along well, even if either would deny it.  I know very little about him now, so I don't have much specific information or opinions on him, but so far he's on the right track.
 Setting: What is the name of the restaurant? That detail is important. Right now, I have the restaurant down like the one in Ratatouille in my mind. If I'm incorrect, and you don't want other readers to make the same mistake, consider revision.
 Rants: Very snugly! Very snugly!? What kind of ending is that? A good one, and an enticing one at that. It makes me as a reader want to continue forward onto the next chapter, which at the beginning stages of the book is a crucial step. Good work with that ending.
 Readability: The book's style is casual, and the dialogue is easy to understand. If I noticed any speech issues with the characters, I would've noted them here, but I didn't, so I won't. 
 Line-item Edits & Grammar: None. Lily Legume is a rather ironic name, though.
 Favorite Line:“Why did you have to ruin it? Why?” thundered Caesar.
This line shows Caesar and Morphy's begrudging friendship very well. The two love to hate each other!
  Conclusion: A solid start to a solid story. The chapters seem decently refined, though I cannot as of yet tell if they are just very good first drafts or intermediate drafts - I suppose it doesn't particularly matter. The fact remains that this prose has no glaring errors, and is enjoyable to read even as it sits. It has a good hook, some subtle humor, and relatable characters, which are all brought together and mixed by you, the Author. If you can keep on doing that for the other chapters, you'll be fine, and you'll have a good read on your hands.
I hope this review got you thinking about ways to improve, yet left you with a positive taste (positive taste? does that make sense?) in your mouth - while I may nitpick at 'issues' I see, I really was hunting for things to complain about for the most part.
Good work!
 ~ SirSchemingSerpent  |
| (3.5)
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
In truth, I was going to review "Forked Tongue," but I finished reading it, and I was like "nope. nope nope nope." It was of the horror genre, and it did its job, and so I couldn't review it. Then, looking at the rest of them, I noticed their tags were all similar. I'm not in for the horror genre much, so I've decided to review this poem, which seems normal, at least after a casual glance.
(By the way, how in the world do you manage to write with all those zombies trying to get you? I'd be out writing on the roof at minimum!)
Anyways, enough about the horrors I found in your portfolio, let's talk 'Mother One'
The title Mother One. It seems kind, but knowing you, I'm getting a sense of something else. Is this gonna be a scary poem?
So...what's the catch? I mean, the poem is pretty, and it is very poem-y for lack of a better word, but it's not scary. It's more treehugger than anything else. I mean, it's great for me to go all inner hipster on it, but if anything, the poem is a bit melancholy.
I suppose that's where the magic happens, the melancholy, especially the line about "I hardly seem to make a differenece>In trying to take care of you"
Did anyone ever tell you that you're good at making poems difficult to critique? Because, that's probably not true. I think I'm just bad at reviewing poems because I can't write them.
...This review is kind of vague, and I don't like that I can't explain why I say that I like it, but I do in fact like it. It's...kind? Sweet? The word that comes to mind is 'intimate' but not in THAT way, more of a family-kind of way.
I give up. This poem is sweet, kind, and a bit melancholy. My only gripe is that it is in all caps, and I don't particularly like that, but that's it. 
You should write things like this more often! That way the squeamish people like me can ease their way into the scarier stuff. But I digress. Good work.
I love bigfoot stories! It's probably not one, but the title is very interesting.
I love ghost stories!
The story is obviously in its first draft state, based on the few typos and lack of quotation marks or other 'grammatically correct 
' marks. However, it is still very readable and enjoyable.
This book says: horror to me. Given that I only have this hook chapter and novel name, I could be wrong. This could just as easily turn into a mystery/detective novel, or perhaps just a dark fantasy novel. I know not. I DO know that I rather enjoyed this work.
3.5 stars (7/10), because grammar/typos. Good work!
Does that make sense? 
I'm not a huge fan of Bann (or should I say Cam - mixed up their names, which brings me to my point below). He's okay...he's just presented with his idiosyncrasies without any way of redeeming himself. I guess that's just one of the limits of a short story, but it is still worth mentioning.
Cam and Bann are very similar names. Similar to the point of me having difficulty as a reader in distinguishing who is speaking. Consider revision on that point. 
expected his apprentices to write out their own copies of all his books. 
Stretching the kinks out of his back and neck, Bann rose and checked on the nest-crates. 
Cam raised a hairy white caterpillar of an eyebrow.
Sniff! Such a heartening story! The characters - a bit rough around the edges. The heart? All there. That's why I enjoyed this story so much. 
I wish I could make my eyes bigger like Buwaro from the webcomic "Slightly Damned," because that's what my face was when I was reading this story. Suspenseful, tactful, emotional (I keep getting mental images of the prince greedily clutching the gem and looking around like Gollum!), and well-written.