An intriguing opening which has certainly given the reader a sense of mystery about our housekeeper and whether she’s all that she seems. I look forward to seeing more of this
This looks like a very promising start. You’ve set the main protagonist up quite well with his intentions. Readers will immediately warm to his sympathetic nature and desire to protect people. They will root for him and want to see him succeed. One topic you could explore for further chapters could be how he reacts if a rescue goes wrong.
Aww that was a very touching sonnet to read. I’m not massive on love and romance but I can respect it for those who are. Your wife is very lucky to have you in her life just as much as you are to be in hers. The words of the sonnet were very strong and had deep meaning so well done
That was an interesting piece to read. You clearly worked hard on the research so I believed you knew what you were saying. I also enjoyed the opening visualisation as it was a good hook to keep reading
That was a very nice story to read. I liked how the focus was on trying to make a young one happy and the family dilemma has a lot of potential. We don’t meet the current queen here but I already hate her and that’s promising. Hopefully we’ll see more of this soon
The best thing about this story was the emotional pull. It was well written and expressed in a way that the reader can understand. I don’t like Coffee but I understand how important it is to others
Did not expect that ending at all. I enjoyed reading this story. It felt like a school as the children had clearly defined traits e.g a bully. Good read
A very good story. It felt solid and the suspense built up at a decent pace. I also liked some of the lines between the siblings such as their different attitudes to research, that made me smile
My biggest issue was it sometimes felt a bit robotic to read. Try using “I’m sure” instead of “I am sure” for example and it will feeling quicker and more free flowing to the reader. It also felt odd seeing “that lighthouse” all the time. I think it should always be “the lighthouse”
Got a bit of a chill reading this as I always do when the subject of death is explored. I noticed you said divvied up, do you mean divided up instead? Other than that I enjoyed reading it
Wow that was such an emotional and heart wrenching piece but it portrayed a message more valuable than most: children are for life not just when their born. I enjoyed this a lot.
A very good story. I could feel the chill in the air when he realised it was no ordinary hat. The line where you described his nose like a rotten pear had me in stitches. An enjoyable read overall
A really well written story. I was almost terrified when I read that the bear was standing up arm’s raised. I did not expect what happened after that. I felt like I was in the story and that’s what makes good stories to me
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 3:12pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
