I really enjoyed this read. The pace is excellent. Although it took a but of a turn in the 5th verse and did not really recover. I am not usually a believer in adding workds when not neccassary but ther are a few places wher an extra word would help the rythm
I can see myself as a child feeling much the same way. You h ave choosen the right words to paint you image.
I really enjoyed this peice. The words are perfect to the emotion I think you are trying to envoke.
The one thing I see that could use some tightening up is the punctuation. Use it or dont either way is fine, but in my reading of this peice it feels like you have occasionally used it and missed it in other places. Someone told me in a review of my work to read it out loud. It helps you to hear the punctuation and flow of the peice.
I think this peice flows very well from begining to end and build well to the end.
Nicely done. I think you have easily shown your point thru your words. The peice reads easily except for one line. "who always see the outside....... ". The line is a little wordy and does not fit the flow of the whole peice but I think the thought is important. Maybe it can be reworded
Otherwise well done
Keep on writing
Ritz
Great work.
I like the feel of this. You have drawn an execeptional picture with the words you have choosen. I actually got chills reading this.
I like he way it reads. It has an easy flow. The repeatition makes a strong statement
I like the way it looks. For me there is something about the way a poem sits on a page that adds to the total effect.
Wow. Those are powerful words put together in a powerful way to illuminate powerful emotions.
This brought tears to my eyes. The title and description are perfect and give the reader a hint of what is to come. This poem flows easily although the emotions make the read difficult.
my favorite part is the first two lines of the fourth verse. They draw an amazing picture.
I really enjoyed this in very few words you paint a picture of the pain we feel when we loose someone special.
This flows well making for an easy read
Thank you
Ritz
I really like this and the messaging it contains. It is a sad pelce when we realize that we are now older. It is great friends and family that get us through and help to flame the glowing embers
The is a nice easy read and flows very well giving the reader something to think about
Well done
Ritz
I really ejoyes this. I think my fear of snakes might not be so bad if they really were purple. A nice pleasant purple
Ithe rythm and rhyme are good. Although I found in reading it out loud the last two verses don't flow quite as well.
The imagery is cry good and I could picture the pond and snakes
Well done. This price reminds us how important our symbols are to us. In this case the symbol brings great comfort.
Your words have drawn a wonderful picture. I can actually see my mom playing with her necklace while reading this.
The rhyhm and rhythm are perfect creating an east read
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 4:28pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
