I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. Reading this aloud, it is clear to the reader that each phrase is full with emotion. Engagement and empathy was consequently almost on a sub-conscious level; a natural response. This is what a great writer is able to do.
If I were to say one thing, I would say be careful about rhyming the same words together. However, this could well be deliberate, and doesn't affect the feeling of the poetry at all.
I really enjoyed reading this prologue. I found the writing flowed with ease and the plot was easy to understand, although the ending still leaves the reader guessing as to what could happen next. This is what a good writer does.
I love the manner and perspective from which this is written. Your writing flows very well to the reader and although a slightly more abstract plot, it is easy to follow and understand. I'm big on capturing small, seemingly insignificant details of a particular moment to create an image in the mind of the reader - and this is what you have done really well here.
If I were to make one constructive comment, I would say consider your tenses at times - for example 'I knew that when I got home something will be (would be?) wrong' and perhaps paragraphing style. However, I've had to be extremely picky here - you've done a wonderful job!
Hi,
I really like the way this is written; how it's short but tells its own story. If I were you, I wouldn't mention the overdose directly, because the rest of your writing is affected by that one word. Having said that, it's wonderfully written, so good job! :)
I really really like the message behind this poem, it comes across really well. The only thing I'd do is check the syllable counts for lines for a fluent rhyming structure :) but good job!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:39pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
