I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. Reading this aloud, it is clear to the reader that each phrase is full with emotion. Engagement and empathy was consequently almost on a sub-conscious level; a natural response. This is what a great writer is able to do.
If I were to say one thing, I would say be careful about rhyming the same words together. However, this could well be deliberate, and doesn't affect the feeling of the poetry at all.
I really enjoyed reading this prologue. I found the writing flowed with ease and the plot was easy to understand, although the ending still leaves the reader guessing as to what could happen next. This is what a good writer does.
I love the manner and perspective from which this is written. Your writing flows very well to the reader and although a slightly more abstract plot, it is easy to follow and understand. I'm big on capturing small, seemingly insignificant details of a particular moment to create an image in the mind of the reader - and this is what you have done really well here.
If I were to make one constructive comment, I would say consider your tenses at times - for example 'I knew that when I got home something will be (would be?) wrong' and perhaps paragraphing style. However, I've had to be extremely picky here - you've done a wonderful job!
Hi,
I really like the way this is written; how it's short but tells its own story. If I were you, I wouldn't mention the overdose directly, because the rest of your writing is affected by that one word. Having said that, it's wonderfully written, so good job! :)
I really really like the message behind this poem, it comes across really well. The only thing I'd do is check the syllable counts for lines for a fluent rhyming structure :) but good job!
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