Pretty! Props for using a rhyme scheme. I got your meaning very easily.
Just a few suggestions:
I don't think "calmness" is a word. I believe the noun for something calm is "calm". Unfortunately "listen to the calm" doesn't have the right number of syllables for what you're going for, so you might have to reword that one.
"Echoes of tomorrow" is an interesting and unexpected metaphor, since echoes are usually associated with the past. You should develop this more so that it's obvious what your intention is with it.
I LOVE the line, "In the time between two days/Both too early and too late" - that speaks to me a lot!
Very romantic ending. Very pretty.
I had some trouble with your rhyme scheme, as it's pretty irregular. Going from the obvious ABCB to the irregular scheme is somehow jarring. Maybe if you sneak in another ABCB afterwards, and then bust out into an irregular scheme, the transition would be less jarring.
Very pretty message! I'm glad I took the time to read it over a few times to appreciate it. Thanks for writing and posting your pretty poetry!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/alienne4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 3:01am on Nov 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
