\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/alienne4
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
1 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Listen  Open in new Window.
Review by dancing~maenad Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Pretty! Props for using a rhyme scheme. I got your meaning very easily.

Just a few suggestions:

I don't think "calmness" is a word. I believe the noun for something calm is "calm". Unfortunately "listen to the calm" doesn't have the right number of syllables for what you're going for, so you might have to reword that one.

"Echoes of tomorrow" is an interesting and unexpected metaphor, since echoes are usually associated with the past. You should develop this more so that it's obvious what your intention is with it.

I LOVE the line, "In the time between two days/Both too early and too late" - that speaks to me a lot!

Very romantic ending. Very pretty.

I had some trouble with your rhyme scheme, as it's pretty irregular. Going from the obvious ABCB to the irregular scheme is somehow jarring. Maybe if you sneak in another ABCB afterwards, and then bust out into an irregular scheme, the transition would be less jarring.

Very pretty message! I'm glad I took the time to read it over a few times to appreciate it. Thanks for writing and posting your pretty poetry!
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/alienne4