Professionally: This poem is beautifully written, revealing a side to the author personally. It's a sweet, simple yet emotionally complex piece that's message is clear. I also think the phrases and way it flows are perfectly arranged.
Fan girl: Oh my god the last verse is one of the most romantic things I've ever read!
I like the style in which you worded everything. The flow and rhyme made everything seem like a romantic longing. The sorrow wasn't too dark which made it nice to read.
The last verse seemed a bit rushed to me for some reason though.
I feel a bit mixed on my feelings of this excerpt.
On the pro side, that quote that the main character says is unbelievably powerful and romantic. I'm not one to usually enjoy first person novels but I just might be able to get into this.
On the con side, I think that you start too many sentences with 'And'. It becomes a bit repetitive.
I am also working on a novella/novel that I hope to get published by the end of the year. We as authors have to be of two different faces - one being emotional with the creation we make to nurture it to our standards but also once being of the publishing organization that puts it at the standards of higher ups.
I have got to say this poem is really good. I can never get my poems to flow so nicely when they rhyme. It's a skill.
And though a bit dark, in a good way, it's full of undeniable truth. This specific poem is almost like a blast from the past for me. Starting at a young age I started to self harm, to the point that I almost killed myself. Thankfully I got out of that and have been clear for 5 years, around the time I got pregnant with my son. But one of the largest problems that caused it was lack of communication to my parents, the void of closeness.
And "don't romanticize self harm" is important. It's a message many don't understand.
I think I got off topic a bit lol. This piece isn't just a story that sounds nice, it's a lesson on a serious topic.
"finding my own wings will carry me
where others have not flown."
I think this is one of the most beautiful phrases in this poem. The wording, the feeling all seems perfect. The poem as a whole is also very nice but I love this phrase the absolute most. I also feel that the whole idea of someone growing and struggling to become something better, with a past to overcome is very true for many people which makes it easy for others to relate to.
Please keep up the good work.
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