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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/amnavarro
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71 Public Reviews Given
71 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I read through and get the feeling or flavor of the piece of writing then I comment on what seems to work and what doesn't seem to work. I can be as picky as you like or just give a general over view.
I'm good at...
grammar editing, asking questions, looking for clarity of meaning or intent.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Paranormal, Erotica, LGBTIQ <any gender-bending, role switching, sexuality seeking fiction you can throw at me>, Westerns, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Religious, Death
Favorite Item Types
Novels, Short Stories, Poems
I will not review...
I don't like scary horror, thriller, death focused stories.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.
*Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo* Fall into Halloween Raid *Jackolantern* *Pumpkin* *Leafo*



You highlight the changes Autumn brings with sports and businesses. This is definitely a masculine perspective if I had to guess.
Your rhyme pattern is appropriate and but I would say your phrase “Some hold summer dear” ends abruptly and is jarring.
One thing I do know, Autumn is fun. Children and adults have Halloween, sports and the let’s not forget, Spring ahead, Fall back. Gotta love that extra hour of sleep!


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2
2
Review of Corporate World  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review by A Michelle

*QuestionG* First Impressions: How perfect you likened the poem to the marching of the ant. The rhythm of the words created the feel of marching. And the hive mentality of all for one to reach a common goal of making enough to make ends meet.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: The pattern of work, then reap the small rewards to tie us over until the next day of work. This is so true and again, the ants do just that don't they?

*DropV* Suggestions: Awesome Job!


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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3
3
Review of Still my Soul  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review by A Michelle

*QuestionG* First Impressions: I feel the calmness and peace in the rhythm of the poem. The allowance of just letting go and be in the moment, in the security of His sanctuary.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: I appreciate the reminder of being chosen and that again, it is OK to just bask in the love and light of all that is.

*DropV* Suggestions: Keep on writing! I love this poem, well done.


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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4
4
Review of What's Behind Me?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: I love the dead pan humor in this scene! Each perceived threat turning into a run of the mill normal circumstance. I could totally see this as a Saturday Night Live Skit.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: You have everyone from werewolf to brownie, to Freddie Kruger. I think this is funny and clever and each character is so matter of fact with each reason for looking so ominous or evil.

*DropV* Suggestions: Yes, I would send this in to SNL and offer it as a live skit, it's that funny.


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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5
5
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: I like how you started with death and explained your view point, then moved to life.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: I appreciate the notion that death eases the person of pain and suffering and the belief of moving on to a better place.

*DropV* Suggestions: I would consider putting a comma after the first word, Death. I think it would accentuate the topic.

I would also consider removing the capitalized words Suffering, Goes and Dawn.

Well done!


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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6
6
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*DragonflyV* First Impressions *DragonflyV*

Clearly Simon's father thought whatever was in the black box was not healthy for his son.

*BeakerG* Structure *BeakerG*


The story was cohesive and easy to follow, but we never learned what was in the black box!

*UmbrellaO* Plot *UmbrellaO*


After years of sacrificing his life, Simon learns his parents are selling the very prison he was chained to growing up.

*ShirtB* Characters *ShirtB*


The three family members clearly had issues to work out.

*TagP* Grammar *TagP*




 “Does it really matter? Of course it does.” I would clarify the point his father was making by: "Does it really matter--of course it does..." something like that to reflect his emotion.


*NoteR* Suggestions *NoteR*


I guess whatever is in the black box is to be used on the farm? The black box was both vague and an enigma.

Keep Writing!

A Michelle *PenP*

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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*ButterflyO* First Impression: These are lofty ideals for a society such as we Americans. If I understand the poem.



*PartyHatR* Favorite: Growth through hardship. I appreciate the focus going back to a spiritual being higher then ourselves. Our God, being the lodestar for humanity of which we Americans represent on many levels, a more advanced development. I see it. We have our wars, our heroes, our storms, and our rain. But in Gratitude we come together to get past all our trials and tribulations.

This poem is very meaningful. I feel your patriotism and your hope.

Awesome job!

This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Raid Review to thank you for hosting a party event at WDC's 15th Birthday Bash! *Balloongo*

A Michelle *PenO*

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8
8
Review of Invocation  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
This is a clever poem. What gives it the extra huzzah is the larger font that is italicized. That seems to bring the poem forward as if it is a prayer and you are imploring the great God to wake up your stubborn muse. I can relate and I appreciate the style you wrote the poem/prayer in.

Great job! Thank you for sharing your poem and letting me review.

A. Michelle *PenP*

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9
9
Review of Kelli  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: This is a perfect scenario!

*Heart* Favorite Elements: The best part of the story is the ending when she really thinks hard about whether she would rather go to school or stay home and potentially fend off her baby brother's kisses all day. I think you really captured the mind of a 5 or 6 year old.

*DropV* Suggestions: Write on!


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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10
10
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
The piece of writing reminded me of a prayer book or a group of phrases, thoughts and beliefs recited with prayer beads.

Having faith that all we do, experience and learn matters to God, makes our lives relevant.

It was beautiful to see the realization that we see our loved ones when we pass. That we are not alone even in our changeover.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of love and faith.

A. Michelle


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11
11
Review of Supernatural Tree  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: This is a neat story about a haunted tree.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: This was a complete story from beginning to the end.

*DropV* Suggestions: I realize English in not your first language, I will assist in some corrections. This is intended to help you learn the craziness of American English *Smirk2*

1. "Absolutely, it was not late, just about six p.m." The purpose of stating or using Absolutely typically is to confirm something's validity. Whether it is correct or not. In this case, there is just the statement of the time of day. There is not dispute as you are just setting the scene.

2.We went straight down the road

3. "After hearing about our teacher's explanation"

4. "scream wasn't heard then we went home safely" this sounds off. How about: we made it home safely hearing no screams.


5." They would disturb me and make me feel uncomfortable, I thought. Anyway, I thought, there was not a supernatural tree"
This phrase is used too close together. I think the first use could easily be removed and not miss the point of the sentence.

6. "I slammed the door down to them." down is a direction doors do not usually go unless it is a door opened and closed from the ground like a root cellar or some shelter. Perhaps you could write, I slammed the door in their faces?

These are just a few suggestions. I enjoyed your story and I know your writing skill will only get better the more you write!


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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12
12
Review of Adventure Awaits  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: At first I was thinking was he being scammed? Did he forget his past? What does the Chicken guy have to do with all this?

*Heart* Favorite Elements: The ending was fun and a relief! His family and friends took great pains to surprise him for his birthday. This was a clever scene.

*DropV* Suggestions: "He glimpsed of a blob of color on her thigh"This looks like an extra word not needed.



Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

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13
13
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: You did a great job hooking me the reader to want to know more about your story. The chapter description left me interested and in the first chapter I only got a taste of what's to come. Well done!

*Heart* Favorite Elements: I like the interpersonal element of the transgendered character.

The scene unfolded enough to for me to get to know your main character and understand the world dynamics.

*DropV* Suggestions: I don't think you need separate lines with all that spacing to signify your point. A simple You. Will. Not. Win. follows the natural flow of the eye. Well my eye anyway! =)
"her think construction" Did you mean thick?

*DropO* I liked the initial revealing of your relationship with Skylar's girlfriend. I am looking forward to reading more of this gender-bending-sci-fi action story!

Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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14
14
Review of education pitch  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
You bring up some interesting ideas about Talent and how people learn what their individual talents are. You also suggest the idea that Education can aid in finding one's talent. And that has a limited time line of 12 years. That would be the whole modern school curriculum, correct?

This idea didn't seem to satisfy you. Your next suggestion was to make an effort to learn directly from other people. This is a neat idea and a great start. *ThumbsUpR*

The format for the memo/letter is blocky. There are no paragraphs to separate your subjects or ideas. This makes the letter more difficult to read.

Thank you for sharing. Write on! *Pencil*

A. Michelle

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15
15
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: This could be a good thriller seems to have some potential.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: wondering who the General was.

*DropV* Suggestions: Let's talk about the hook. My suggestion would be to begin the chapter/book with opening the email. That would set the tone for the intrigue. This would immediately bring the reader into the story. Then perhaps after reading the email you see the mailman who is supposed to come to the luncheon that day. Maybe wonder if he got the email too, or who else knows your small group would be there.

Grammar:
“Hey Anthony.“ Richard said. You don't need to state the obvious if Richard said anything. His words signify that.

Richard Garrison was an old friend of mine; Put a period here to end the sentence.


The rest of the scene in the restaurant doesn't feel like it adds to the tension you want to build. You know someone knows your "skills" and wants to hire you. You know they will be at the Tavern and you don't know who they are. You had Anthony bring weapons but the tension hasn't been built.

Is he looking around? Is he hearing odd sounds? Does he trust his companions? Does he suspect them? Will he bring them into his confidence?

The chapter ending didn't entice the reader to turn the page to the next chapter. A good tip is leave each chapter with a cliffhanger or at least leaving questions for the reader to want to read on.

Maybe as he enters the tavern he has a memory or flashback of why the person is requesting his expertise. Maybe as Anthony looks at his companions his memories flood.... this would maybe show his skills or even the bond the men shared.

I hope this helped.



Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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16
16
Review of Coffee Cupid  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: I liked this story! It was refreshing to see how a true gentleman act and reacts.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: She was so late and didn't realize the kind man trying to help her was her date. I love it! I thought them going to get new outfits to be fun.

*DropV* Suggestions: Was the coffee at the table still hot after she was 40 minutes late? That part was jarring.


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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17
17
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: I really like the premise and the futuristic setting. You have great character development and the body augmentation element is plausible.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: I appreciate how you kept the details for how being eight feet tall can be a challenge.

I liked how you described the body's deterioration when it didn't get the treatment it needed. I like Tina.

This is a well thought out world and I found it refreshing. I plan to read more and put you on favorite author to stay in the novella loop.

*DropV* Suggestions: There were a couple of typos but didn't take away from the read.


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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18
18
Review of Moment  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: Well thought out characters. They seem to know themselves.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: The way they speak to each other, it's almost as if they are other worldly. Like they are comparing notes from their times apart and trying to figure out how to be human and how to get past the conversation of their past. I liked it. I love interpersonal relationship stories and dialogue.

There is a certain formality in their conversation that made me feel like I was reading from a Dragnet Script. I know that sounds funny, but its the rhythm of the dialogue and matter of fact statements.


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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19
19
Review of Midnight Again  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* Impressions: At first I thought the main character had food poisoning that kicked in late due to slow metabolism. Then the dancing and the clothing began to unravel. This was kind of confusing. Was the person on a 24 hour alive shift?

I read it a few times but missed something here. It had a Cinderella like feel but the food part confused me.

What is the deal? Inquiring readers want to know!

Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*
20
20
Review of Beauty.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: It is beautiful seeing a man *BowV* express his feelings about a woman *Heel* and it not be focused on her looks.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: Your love and devotion is clear.


*DropV* Suggestions: This sentence can be restructured. It's cluttered. While I am very fond of your soft skin, your silky lips, piercing eyes and other shallow things I could say about what makes a man primally attracted to a woman.

 Perhaps, You know I love the feel of your soft skin and your silky lips. Your piercing eyes remind me there is more to you than the shallow desires of the human male.

Just my thoughts, write on! *Pencil*


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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21
21
Review of The Nemesis  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: Kelvin clearly has problems with his sister and people in general!

*Heart* Favorite Elements: I like how he always tries to be inconspicuous and not cause any attention to himself.

*DropV* Conclusion: Fun piece of writing. I wonder if his sister is his evil twin? LOL Nice easy piece representing a day in the life of a young boy. Well done!


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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22
22
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: Great use of the poem style. It sang like a song and warmed my heart.

*Heart* Favorite Elements: You were clear on the object of your affection or desire. I like that it tipped to the fanatical side a bit but remained comical and light.

*DropV* Suggestions: My only suggestions is to ask you to write more of those. It is cute, clever and fun to read!


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*
23
23
Review of In the Weeds  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Review by A Michelle:

*QuestionG* First Impressions: This poor woman fending for her life with a new one just waiting to be born!

*Heart* Favorite Elements: I like that she could take care of herself but was open enough to see that her man really wanted her home and wanted to take care of her and their baby. I appreciated that he stepped up and went to her and was patient enough to get her to come around.

*DropV* Suggestions/questions: The smell and the nausea part was a bit off setting. I guess it was to bring that initial element of fear. Was it suppose to reflect her real mental status of feeling alone and vulnerable or just that she worked or lived in a bad part of town? Where was the mess hall?


Thank you for sharing and allowing me to review your writing.

A Michelle *PenP*


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24
24
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This sounds like an excerpt to a bigger piece of fiction. There is good description of the General and the scene cohesive. It leaves the questions like, was the Captain enchanted or is he incompetent? What is the history between the General and Sorcerers that he despises them so? And would a sorcerer really leave obvious tracks or are they heading into a trap? *Grass* *Tree2* *Tree* *Trees*

Inquiring minds want to know!

Thank you for sharing.

A. Michelle


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25
25
Review of Renowned dreamer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This a truly inspirational story. It reminds me of a childhood dream where the spirit world shares truths to remind us we are more than what we see.

One typo is "wawing" is I think you meant waving.

It's touching to see a loving father/daughter relationship expressed.

Thank you for sharing.

A. Michelle


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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/amnavarro